Dating to get over someone may seem like a working idea, though it isn’t as practical as one might think. Getting in a relationship with someone new before giving closure to your intense feelings can backfire like a fiery explosion!  

Breakups are extremely challenging, and there are many things you need to process once you are single again. You need to sort through your emotions—anger, pain, regret, bitterness, and even happiness—before dedicating your time to a new lover!  

Yet, people usually make the mistake of dating again to distract themselves from grief and avoid the reality of situations. Hiding in a new partner doesn’t take their pain away or save them from it; instead, it just suppresses the hurt that is bound to come back out sooner or later. 

So if you are thinking of dating to get over someone, there are some important things you must know. 

In this article, we’ll talk about dating after a breakup, is dating to get over someone okay, how to get over someone, and also answer some frequently asked questions! 

Dating to Get Over Someone 

“The love wasn’t ever-lasting, and the pain won’t be either”. 

Do not jump into a relationship just because you broke up recently and feel lonely. There’s a high chance you may still have strong feelings for that person, and dating to get over them won’t work as you think it would. 

Even if you feel that the relationship or your feelings are long gone, you must realize that a long time has passed, too. 

What you felt about relationships or the kind of partner you desired before wouldn’t necessarily stay the same way. And you’ll only learn what your heart wants now when you give it enough time! 

Without further ado, let’s begin learning your heart—

Is dating to get over someone okay?

Before indulging in a new relationship, you must question yourself—am I ready to face the pros and cons of dating someone new throughout my healing period? Do not just think of the goods of dating, but also remember the downs when considering being in a new relationship! 

There can be a few scenarios when you’re dating to get over someone:

• Dating someone who doesn’t know you need a rebound

Looking at the sneaky side of the table, dating someone just for the sake of personal healing is unfair. Going out with an emotionally proactive person who is likely to get attached is also unjust.  

Furthermore, oppressive emotions develop when you’re dating someone without telling them the actual reason. It is your commitment as their sole partner to do justice with their effortful love. 

If you’re not ready to offer yourself as much as the other person, refrain from getting into an early relationship.  

• Dating someone who knows about your situation

Getting in a mature relationship where your partner knows about your position may work. They may willingly help you comprehend your feelings and navigate through the post-breakup time! 

Having someone to boost you in a casual relationship after knowing all the trauma you have gone through is comforting. Transparency and honesty are the base to kick start any relationship, and acknowledging your true feelings is the primary way to get over someone! 

However, this may not be the best idea because while your partner is helping you, their natural instinct will start longing for love in return. After all, it is only fair to expect a little from someone whom you’re providing a lot. 

You are allowed to let go of all those that do not set you free anymore.” — Dhiman.

How to get over someone?

Getting over someone is harsh, but nothing can hinder your way to a vigorous life if you decide to move on. Here are some steps to get over someone that will assist you like a companion in your post-breakup journey: 

1. Mourning is the primary phase of the process. 

You are allowed to take your time to mourn and feel your sufferings. Don’t limit yourself to any specific timeline; the time for healing varies from person to person. Coping with the loss of a loved one can be tough. 

You must let your deep feelings leave the way your soul naturally allows them. Always remember not to suppress your emotions for the sake of someone’s validation. If you’re hurt and need space, get it for yourself!  

Set boundaries if necessary, and spend your time being good to yourself. Take care of yourself and fill your precious heart with self-love. 

2. Don’t hold onto someone who’s leaving.

“Don’t hold on to someone who’s leaving; otherwise, you won’t meet the one who’s coming.” — Carl Gustav Jung.

Holding onto someone who’s no longer interested in staying can cause mental complications which are hard to digest. You must learn to choose what’s better for you even if your heart pushes silly decisions. 

Trust me; the heart is carelessly beautiful and deserves someone who keeps it safe and secure. So let them leave if that’s what they want because what’s coming ahead will be beyond your expectations!

3. Stop romanticizing your ex. 

It’s common to get wrapped up in past romantic memories after a breakup. The overwhelming part of getting over a relationship is always not the loss of the actual person but the loss of what you believe could have happened. 

“Don’t get stuck in the obsessive loop of why and what if.” — Wise words by Ruotola Warn

The only way to stop romanticizing your ex is by remembering them as who they were. Remember all the times they—

• left you alone after talking rudely, 
• behaved as if you were their personal property, 
• manipulated you, 
• ruined your honest love with toxicity, 
• destroyed your mental peace, 
• and made you feel inferior in the relationship. 

All these actions are very unhealthy and can leave a person with trauma that lasts for a long time. If your ex has entirely ruined the image of love you had, remove them from your life! 

4. Hold on to yourself. 

It’s difficult to carry yourself when you have been broken by someone you gave your heart to. You switch to an anxious and depressed mode of life, where even going through a normal day becomes challenging. 

However, let me assure you these sloppy days are temporary, and there will be a lovely ray of sunshine again. This reminds me of a speech by Tom Hanks—

“You feel bad right now? You feel pissed, you feel anxious? This, too, shall pass. 

You feel great? You feel like you know all the answers? You feel like everybody finally gets you? This, too, shall pass. 

Time is your ally; if nothing else, just wait.” 

It’s essential to know that even if you are not at your best right now, it is okay. It is okay to be sad and down and to allow yourself to feel the pain because this, too, shall pass! 

You just need to be sensible, learn your lesson, and hold your shattered pieces to walk again. 

5. Set up your days more productively.

Your soul knows the right way; run in that direction. Make time to meditate for 5 minutes daily, and listen to your inner voices. Hear what they are trying to teach you, and walk on the path laid by your instincts! 

Work on grooming yourself and open your heart to evolve and accept new things. Some productive things to do after a breakup for healing: 

• Do some volunteer work 

When your personal life has you feeling low, try to project your energy outwards. Find ways to help others, whether treating an injured neighborhood dog or feeding a homeless person. 

This way, you’ll meet new hearts, learn more about your lovely personality, and enhance your karma. 

• Make exercise a priority in your routine.

If you have been holding on to stressful, negative, or angry emotions after a breakup, exercising can help channel the negativity into productivity. You can use your pain and hurt to focus on becoming healthier and better as a person! 

Soon, you won’t remember the hurt because even pain is temporary. 

• Travel 

A change in everyday scenery can massively help get over someone. Instead of walking around a city where everything reminds you of your ex, try traveling to explore yourself and more. 

• Journal your days

When you feel buried down with anxious or negative feelings, write your emotions down in a journal rather than sitting quietly in your sorrow. 

The most comfortable person to share your deep feelings with is yourself. By writing your thoughts on a paper, you’ll gain some clarity on present circumstances and easily churn out solutions. 

• Spend extra time with people who love you unconditionally

When you break up with your ex, you say goodbye to a significant part of your everyday life. Resorting back to the normal old days can be a tough experience and might make you feel all alone. 

At such a time, surround yourself with close ones you can lean on for support. By spending time with your family and friends, you’ll realize that a romantic partner isn’t the only person who can love and care for you! 

• Follow your dream

I understand that you may have had great plans for your relationship. But did they exist before you got into a relationship? 

Remind yourself of the creative and dreamy things you always wanted to do. Rediscover your true purpose in life, and chase after it! 

6. Be more certain about yourself.

Be confident when making decisions and comfortable with your choices after a breakup. Sometimes, the trauma we have dealt with impacts our inner instincts and makes us question our self-worth. 

Keep these key points in mind for being more mindful: 

• Ignore inner self-doubts.
• Nullify judgment.
• Avoid presumptions. 
• Build opportunities.
• Stay accurate in your choices. 
• Operate your wisdom. 
• Take accountability for mood swings.
• Analyze decisions. 

7. Take healthy social breaks. 

Social media impacts your mental health more than you know, especially when you are already dealing with losing a loved one. Scientific studies have shown those who took a social break exhibited rehabilitation in their level of anxiety and distress. 

Try to take a break from social media and get a better picture of reality. This way, you can better analyze your own situation and focus on yourself instead of feeling lonely looking at other couples. 

You may also want to keep stalking your ex after a breakup, which is entirely unhealthy and may keep you stuck in a loop. If it’s difficult to ignore your ex’s social media handle, just take time off. 

8. Chop off communication if it’s hampering you.

Don’t try to be friends with your ex if you are not ready. Take back your time, attention, energy, and emotions from anyone who treats your heart carelessly! 

It is normal for the breakup to affect both people differently. Your ex may be all chill and ready to be friends with you. But if it’s something you can’t handle without hurting yourself, stay out of it. 

The best way to move on from your ex is to avoid contact with them. No contact with your ex means no messaging, no calls, and no conversations on socials as well. In total, you should avoid them entirely. 

9. Always remember you deserve better. 

“You deserve to be someone’s first choice. You deserve to be cherished and not taken for granted. You deserve to be chosen and not settled for.” — Mandy Hale. 

Self-belief is the key to facing all hindrances and growing and moving on in life. Self-attention is the initial effort of internal unfolding. Give yourself all the time to groom and chase a healthy, happy life. 

Importance of Emotional Healing

A crisis is an inevitable state of life that works as an initial point to the process of change. As you may have heard the famous quote, “Change is necessary,” no life is free from crisis. Change is crucial in all aspects of life, whether it is your hobbies, interests, events, or relationships. 

Getting dumped by someone you love can take a toll on your mental health. You may start living your life as if it has already ended and continue to reside in your painful sorrows. 

However, changing your mindset about the breakup and allowing new things to walk in your life is the only way to move on! 

5 Stages of Emotional Healing

The emotional healing process doesn’t happen overnight—it’s a lethargic procedure. If you are facing inner conflicts after getting dumped, you need to take a step towards emotional healing. 

A person goes through five major stages when practicing emotional healing. It is imperative to feel every stage thoroughly and then move forward to the next one. 

“Nothing ever goes away until it teaches us what we need to know.” — Pema Chodron.

Here are five stages of emotional healing after a breakup: 

Stage 1. Grief and Denial 

Grief is a stage of rigorous emotional pain that surrounds you after a breakup. When grieving, you feel a sense of loss no matter how toxic your relationship might have been. However, you will probably deny the loss of your loved one before accepting your grief. 

You might think, “This can’t happen to me,” or “This is not true.” 

We are here to tell you that being in denial is normal; in fact, it’s a human defense mechanism against painful experiences that are hard to accept. Slowly but surely, you will get out of denial and accept reality. 

Pro-tip for this stage—Do not run away from your emotions. Until and unless you accept the truth, you’d keep saying, “I’m having a hard time getting over someone. 

You must acknowledge that you’re hurting and feel your sorrows if you want to get over somebody. 

Stage 2. Anger

What comes after accepting the true reality of your situation? Anger and rage. 

Just like denial is a defense mechanism, anger is a masking effect when you’re trying to get over someone. You show anger to avoid revealing the painful thoughts and emotions your heart is carrying inside. 

You may start feeling angry for what you put up with and think, “Why me?” Your anger may get directed at other people like your family & friends, and even inanimate objects. 

The art of getting over someone is to assist your angry thoughts and take control over them. As soon as the anger stage is over, you’ll start gaining some clarity over your situation and understand the feelings you put aside! 

Stage 3. Bargaining

After being angry at the current reality, an individual may believe that if they act a certain way or ‘bargain,’ everything might reverse back again. 

In this emotional healing stage, you will create many “what if” and “only if” statements. You’ll look for ways to regain control over the situation or change the outcome of an event. 

Nonetheless, bargaining will only postpone your sadness, hurt, and confusion. The best way to heal yourself is by accepting what is right in front of you! 

Stage 4. Depression 

While grief, anger, and bargaining are very active emotions, depression is more of a silent stage. 

Before, you were denying and running from your emotions, trying to change reality. However, depression is the stage where you begin realizing your true emotions and start working through them. 

Isolating oneself when going through depression is a common practice, and it actually helps to get over somebody. Going through this stage is not easy and may have you feeling empty, alone, foggy, heavy, and confused. 

If you need support at such a time, reach out to a mental health expert. A therapist can better help you navigate through this period of darkness. 

Stage 5. Acceptance

Acceptance is not necessarily a bliss stage, but it’s a time when you’re finally moved on from your grief and understand what remains in your life. 

In this stage, you again look up at the pretty sky and start feeling faithful. You might not be all ready-set-go for your life ahead, but you may be able to feel how everything has changed. 

You have started looking differently at various aspects of life. Old habits have been broken, your mindset is improved, and your soul needs a reset. Above all, you will feel the need to heal yourself and get back up again!

Pro-tip for this stage—Never compare your situation to somebody else’s; everybody grieves differently. Observe your own emotional health and needs, and set realistic goals accordingly. 

10+ Signs you are healing from the breakup

“The pain itself signifies that your body is accepting this new ordeal. Acceptance? Baby, that’s the start.”

I know, it’s unbearable— the agony of losing someone you cherished. The anxiety eats you day and night, leaving you with doubts that have no answers. 

It’s anxious to handle yourself when your mind finally decides to move on even though your heart resists. To push yourself through that emotional trauma is brave. You are brave, that’s for sure. Hold onto that thought and commence your healing journey. 

I know it’s confusing when you have no idea whether you are moving forward or backward in this healing journey. 

Here are 10 signs that reflect that you are healing and rolling ahead in life. 

1. You have accepted the reality— Overcoming denial.

Deep down, you know that the relationship is over. Of course, you’d still face denial every now and then, but your heart, mind, and soul finally know that it’s already over and nothing can be done to undo it. So, the only means to get rid of this pain is to move on with life. 

Your focus has shifted from “why is this happening to me” to “how to get rid of this numbing pain.” You accept the ill-fate; you accept the pain. You accept the reality of these miserable chapters of life. 

“This heartbreak may be a good turnover in disguise.” So, accept it boastfully even if it breaks you.

As long as you remain in denial, you resist the beauty of change. So, answer yourself honestly— do you truly believe the relationship is over? 

If your answer is yes, congratulations! You are healing. 

2. Shifting attention

Most of your days are spent in misery, but your mind is already shifting its attention from “I cannot bear this pain” to “I have to get rid of it.” 

“It’s heartbreaking, but I do have to continue with life.” 

“I cannot continue to live like this.”

“I cannot disappoint others and myself with this.” 

Hold onto whatever ounce of positivity you receive from the universe— your healing can come through a pet, a family member, a celebrity, or passion/career/job, etc. So, hold onto it, don’t let it go! 

“When it becomes unbearable to move on will, discipline will set your feet free.” 

3. You cry your heart out. 

I have never experienced something more blissful than crying. So, I cry whenever life’s harsh! 

• I cry to vent my pain. 
• I cry to empathize and sympathize with myself. 
• I cry to grieve
• I cry to allow the pain to consume me. 
• I cry to let go of the pain. 

Crying will eventually empty your mourning heart. Every time you cry, you’d find a new route for your healing journey. Crying clears the fog of pain; that’s when your heart can fathom the situation more intelligently. 

So, if you are crying, you are healing! You are nurturing your broken heart by watering it with empathy. 

4. You finally see the truth of your relationship

Once the pain subsides a little, you will inevitably replay those past memories over and over again until they consume you. There were rainbows and unicorns, but rewinding those memories will also help you acknowledge your past relationship’s thorns and cold nights. 

It was beautiful until it was new. However, that relationship did become suffocating, nearing the end. No beauty, compassion, or passion remained— you were alone and knew it deep down. So, stop romanticizing your ex unnecessarily. 

So, acknowledge your past relationship for what it was without sugar coating.

• Were there times when you felt less valued, respected, and loved?
• Were you the only one putting constant effort into making the relationship work? 
• Were you alone in the relationship without much care or love? 
• Did you not expect even the bare minimum from your partner? 
• Were you constantly compromising and adjusting for them? 

Well, if any of these statements are true, you should know better that the relationship and your ex didn’t deserve you. Let it go! 

If you have already come to that conclusion, you should know that you deserve much more. You deserve a relationship full of love, compassion, respect, equal effort, and reciprocation. Once you have realized this, you will be able to love yourself again. This realization alone will help you accept the love again that deserves you. 

5. You know it wasn’t your fault.

“Nothing can save a ship that was destined to sink.” So, stop blaming yourself. 

You now accept that nothing could have saved the relationship— and it was not your fault. “It’s not you; it’s them.”

Your ex-partner lost someone who loved them immensely. You lost someone who never cared enough.” So, who actually lost? Not you, them! 

You start realizing that your ex was not eligible for your closure. When you manage to be at peace with the fact that your ex simply wasn’t worth it— you will evolve. 

If you have already realized that and know your worth— you are healing. 

6. You badmouth them

No, it doesn’t make you a bad person. It’s just human to get your closure however you can. You now realize that your partner was an asshole— now that’s what I call a bad-ass healing journey.

So, badmouth them as much as you can. It shows that you keep your worth above them.

7. Your partner or the breakup doesn’t affect you as strongly as it used to

When your memories do not trigger you anymore, it signifies emotional healing. 

If your ex doesn’t drain your energy and you have learned to make things less complicated for yourself, you have come a long way. 

Your breakup still pains you, but it’s not as intense as it used to be. 

• You cry less than you used to.
• Your mind is active in what’s happening around you. 
• You are keener on your surroundings. 
• You participate in conversations with your family and friends. 
• Positivity surrounds you every now and then. 
• You take an interest in more exhilarating activities.
• Your brain invests more time in making you happy.
• You smile and laugh more. 
• You eat more enthusiastically.
• You subconsciously take care of yourself.
• You bathe and get ready more boastfully
• Your heart is eager for a new passion/future.

Look for these patterns and hold onto them. Your mind and body are now ready for a new change— and they are ready to help you heal. 

8. Appreciating solitude

You spend more time with yourself and understand the value of loving and nurturing your own self before expecting it from others. 

You enjoy your own company and don’t expect others to make you happy. Instead, you take the initiative to entertain yourself and love yourself unconditionally. 

That’s when you find bliss in solitude. You do things that make you happy— whether it’s hanging out with friends, spending time with family, or being with your most authentic self. 

Solitude doesn’t eat you alive anymore because you now know your own importance. You actually enjoy spending time with yourself because the truth is— you are awesome!

Your ex never was a match— you are way more entertaining, humorous, intelligent, stimulating, and sexy. 

So, why spend time with a dumb hole when you can spend that time with yourself? 

9. Finding happiness in your rusty hobbies. 

You left a whole lot of yourself to adjust in that relationship— you may have let go of many hobbies to allow more time with your (now) ex-partner. 

Things we do for relationships also include forgetting the things we used to love alone. After a breakup, It’s natural to lose interest in things you used to love the most. 

One of the most considerable signs that you are bouncing back in life is showing genuine interest in your hobbies— hobbies that make you feel alive, creative, and energetic. 

Hobbies that will accompany you during your healing journey:

• Journaling can flush down all your anxieties. 
• Dancing will rhythm your hyperventilating heart.
• Gyming can tear down your memories along with the muscles.
• Singing will also be effective in decluttering your distress.

The options are absolutely infinite— So invest time in activities that boost adrenaline and fill your heart with excitement. 

10. Focusing more on the betterment.

Let the past be in the past. 

One of the most promising ways to rebuild yourself is to concentrate on enhancing yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally. 

If you are already restructuring your schedule for the betterment, you are healing.

11. Greeting persistent changes.

“The changes we dread most may contain our salvation.” —Barbara

Welcoming persistent changes is a sign of growth. If you have steadily begun to accept small changes, you are moving forward! It’s a powerful sign that you are brave enough to change direction when you no longer love the destination.  

12. Allowing yourself to love and to be loved after breakup

One breakup doesn’t estimate the amount of romance and love you deserve— In fact, multiple breakups cannot conclude it. You are beautiful, and you are worthy of love throughout the course of your lifetime. 

• So, don’t hold yourself back from accepting new relationships. 
• Don’t consider yourself unlovable just because some dumb-nut couldn’t appreciate and acknowledge your true value. 

However, accept your own love before you accept others’ love for you. I’m pretty sure people are dying to date you, but you must love yourself first to love others boastfully. 

Self-love doesn’t always have to be prominent; it comes gradually and in small surprises. 

• Wearing good clothes and applying makeup every now and then is self-love. 
• Going outside for fresh air is self-love. 
• Eating healthy food is self-love.
• Being kind to yourself is self-love. 

If you think you are gradually taking care of yourself, you are healing! 

• You are open to being vulnerable.
• You don’t compare your life with your ex anymore. 
• You don’t chase after love from others.
• You are open to expressing your opinions.
• You accept compliments and enjoy reverting them with positivity.
• You have no expectations of getting favors in return.
• You are exploring your opportunities and options in life further.

13. Being wise in your choices.

You don’t chase love from others anymore! However, you accept and reciprocate love boastfully. You are keener towards finding an individual who better suits you and would love you unconditionally. You don’t reject love and are not scared of trying new relationships.

Bottom Line 

Dating to get over someone is not only an unrealistic approach, but you’re also risking another failed relationship. You will end up falling deeper in the pit that you should have filled with self love before getting in a new relationship! 

If you’re thinking of dating to get over someone, consider your position first. It’s almost alright if you merely have any feelings left for your ex. Perhaps if your heart still beats strongly for that person, DO NOT get into an early relationship. 

You should use your time on healing after a breakup rather than dating to get over someone. We hope our tips helped you figure out how to navigate through such an intense phase of life!

If you’re a woman, check out our “Harness Your Story Bootcamp” made exclusively for the potential-filled women of our world! This bootcamp is a coaching program for women who:  

• Want to learn how to recognize and love your story that makes you unique 
• Take hold of the reins of your life
• Begin crafting the story that you want for your future self
• Take actionable steps towards your Harness Project 

All of it, in just 12 weeks! 

Your story is a source of strength and wisdom. Every time you reflect on your story, you learn something new about yourself. You gain insight into your own strengths and weaknesses. You discover what you’re truly capable of and you develop a deeper understanding of the human experience.
If you want to learn how to own and love your story to craft the future that you deserve, join the Harness your story bootcamp!

In the dictionary, the term boundaries means “A line that marks the limits of an area; a dividing line.” The term deal breaker means “An aspect, condition, or item that would not be accepted by a party to a business transaction or political deal.” When it comes to relationships, whether platonic or romantic boundaries and deal breakers are very important to have.

You know your worth, you know what you want, and you will not except anything less. There have been plenty of occasions where I made exceptions hoping that things would change. However, that left me in a position of heartache and headache. I would make excuses for them and say that this will pass and or change in due time. This habit became so unhealthy for me that I knew I needed a change. Reading the book Attached, I’ve learned that each person has a specific attachment style. These are anxious, avoidant, and the secure attachment style. These styles come from the each person’s foundation which means childhood. I discovered that my attachment style (anxious), caused me to be attracted to the avoidance attachment style people.

That style made me feel like I had to work hard or prove myself that I was worth wanting and loving. This drove me to do things at the cost of my own character simply because I wanted to be loved. After many therapy sessions and a lot of prayer, I understand my own personal boundaries as well as my deal breakers. I can speak up for myself and say exactly what I want, don’t want, and not be afraid of the response. Everybody is not meant for everybody. However, somebody is meant for that one special…..well body 😊.

Moral of this story is never be afraid to find your voice, your attachment style, and your boundaries.

Here’s to learning and growing each day!

Broken: How Bullying Breaks You

By:Vania Vela

I was a kid the first time I was bullied. 

I remember those years when I used to hide crying in the bathroom.

I grew up as if I was invisible. At school, people pretended I didn’t exist. When I spoke, they ignored me. When I got close, they ran away. On social media, I was bullied. People made fun of me on social media, and rude comments filled my head.

People often talk about the impact of physical or verbal aggression, but the truth is that no one prepares you for psychological and social abuse. For a long time I thought it was normal. I thought I was overreacting. There are times when I think that again.  

Not only did I develop an eating disorder that lasted 5 years, but my will to live disappeared. I cried myself to sleep, and when I woke up the next day I cried even more, disappointed that I was still alive. I would panic about going to school and seeing my classmates. I would hide in the bathrooms and cry, begging to die.

When I finally raised my voice, no one believed me. They blamed me and made them the victims. They blamed my personality, my physique. If I wanted to be accepted so badly, I had to be the way they wanted me to be. When I finally raised my voice, everything got worse. 

As my psychologist said, I developed a lot of problems.  There are days when seeing a phone pointed at me gives me a panic attack. Every time I am ignored as punishment I have a terrible anxiety episode. Nowadays a lot of things happen that I just can’t help but feel.

I cry remembering those years.  I look at myself in the mirror and I feel I overreacted. I feel they were right. I look at myself, and deep down I blame myself, even though I was the victim. 

Bullying breaks you, destroying not only the child, but the adult they will become.If you are going through something similar, I know there is still a long way to go, but for now I want to tell you, I do believe you.

i am shivering on this greyhound, my fingers finding homes on the grimy seats under my thighs to try to keep warm. minnesota is cold everywhere: in houses, in cars, in restaurants, on public transit. it occurs to me that i have not felt cold, truly cold, in two years. an elderly woman sits next to me, the sacred generational bond of women who sit next to one another. she has a tattoo of a black and white spotted cow on her arm. a baby is screaming on the bus, and she looks at me and dips her head, acknowledging, “unhappy.” i wonder what she would think if she knew i am gay. i don’t think she’d say it aloud, but i wonder if the word dyke would cross her mind. i wonder if she’d get up and move seats, my physical being a mold spore. strangers do not read me as gay, they just think i look like someone who lives in los angeles, even in los angeles. people ask me about my boyfriend all the time — at doctors offices, at work, in small talk before the plane takes off and in elevators. what follows is the momentary consideration of wondering whether i should out myself and risk compromising the interaction, or if i should pretend and say yes, i have a boyfriend. he is strong and loves me well. i don’t want people to feel tricked, with my dressing as what they’d think is a straight girl. on the flip side, i don’t want to have to make them feel better about their assumption that i am straight, and i don’t want to listen to their apologies, or hear about their gay friend or cousin. it is, also, exhausting hiding in plain sight. the entirety of me is not ever seen.

in july, i was asked if i think that butch-femme relationships just recycle heteronormative structures. my response was immediate: i do not think that in any way, queer people can be cishet in the way we move in the world. my femme body is just as queer as anyone else’s, and it never has been that of a cishet woman’s. i never thought i was straight, even for one moment, but even if i had, i would’ve been a queer femme even then. i have never loved a man, even when i thought i did, and the way i love butches is nothing like the way i’d imagine i might love a man. i love the expansiveness of butch bodies and the way they do not ever have to be one thing. i love watching butches do their thing and doing whatever i can to support them. i love defining butch as whatever they want to be defined as, and nothing else — not strong or steady or anything else if they don’t want to be. i love fat butches, butches of color, butches who do not build things and butches who love other butches. i love the legacy of butch-femme relationships, and i long to be a part of it. butches are not men (unless they want to be) and nothing about them replicates men, and i have never been femme because of my proximity or juxtaposition to butch lovers or friends. to say that straight women are feminine and therefore queer femmes want to be straight women, and straight men are masculine and therefore queer butches want to be straight men, is bananas to me. nothing coule be further from the truth. (and that’s without going into the whole bioessentialist women = feminine and men = masculine thing.)

i stopped shaving my body and wearing a bra sophomore year of college, but i still invest in acrylic nails and eyelash extensions and expensive skincare. if i did shave or wear a bra, as i do very occasionally, i am just as queer as i was when i did not, and if i never painted my nails, wore makeup, or washed my face, i’d be just as femme. i sprinkled glitter in my hair for a year in college, because i could. i love pink silks and vegan meats and heat styling and malls. i have also climbed barefoot onto the cliffs above the mississippi and built a secret fire with gas station wood. i’ve seen the milky way more times than i can count. i love sitting shotgun in someone’s truck and i love going home smelling like cigarette smoke, full of food from a neighborhood potluck. i don’t mind being sweaty and dirty and i went three months last year without washing my hair, my homemade deodorant the only clean thing i put on the secret parts of my body. i’m a dirty high femme and i would not have it any other way. 

i know with what to adorn the walls of a lake cabin, i know how to spell lefse and lutefisk, and i know that the bathrooms at kwik trip will not require a passcode. i have had sex in a car in a parking lot of one of those wisconsin sex toy stores that are open until three in the morning with cheez-its from a gas station the only thing to eat after. i know the rules of fishing in the early morning, and then i want to go to target in the afternoon. i fit in, but i don’t. i grew up in a town that did not have a high school. it is why, when everything feels too overwhelming now, i drive to san bernardino. i love that an antique mall and cheap black coffee know how to heal in ways the city just doesn’t.

today, as sylvia and i walked along the eastern edge of the mississippi, a man in a fishing boat waved at us from the middle of the river. at a rest stop yesterday, an elderly couple smiled at me as i walked past them on the sidewalk. it is the language of the midwest (and probably lots of other places): we acknowledge one another, even if we do not understand each other. our lives are so different, and in the same token, they are so alike. this is the good part about hiding in plain sight, too: i don’t have to wonder what they think of gay people all the time. i can just smile at them, and i don’t have to wonder. 

i have so much shared blood with midwesterners, midwestern queers especially. and even more so, poor midwestern queers. we have these unspoken glances, smiles, stares. we grew up eating corn and wheat, drinking cow’s milk, thrifted things feeling good enough. we could not afford new back-to-school clothes or the decorative girl folders, and free school lunch wasn’t bad. 

growing up poor and queer felt public. even if they didn’t, everyone must have known the ways we counted pennies and called grandma for help with the mortgage payment. when i was in middle school, the district wanted to redraw the elementary school lines to more evenly space out demographics, and the school geographically closer to me didn’t want kids like me going there. the parents were interviewed for the newspaper and said it in coded language that made me feel like a bug. i didn’t necessarily know it then, but being poor feels visible, unable to be hidden, as does queerness. it’s a stain that everyone must see, even if i am not ready to share it. 

growing up poor and queer and femme felt even more public and embarrassing: it felt like everyone knew that my aeropostale and abercrombie shirts were from goodwill, or borrowed from another’s closet. everyone must have known my juicy couture perfume was the target knock-off version, not the designer brand from the makeup counter at the mall like the other girls. i got my hair highlighted at fantastic sam’s once a year with the coupon that came in the mail. i had acne and free lunch and i liked girls, and every part of me felt disgustingly impossible to hide. maybe this is why i felt less like a girl than the other girls, but i don’t want to equate femininity with wealth or girlhood with beauty, so maybe this is just something i’ll have to chew on.

in my adulthood, i have such love in my platonic friendships and i am so fulfilled by the glorious, thoughtful, intentional people that pepper my life. i would say that, largely because of the people in my chosen family, my baseline approach to life is cheerful, open, adventurous, spontaneous — unless i am feeling overstimulated or fatigued, which can really dysregulate me. i need to have had good sleep, to have been fed. but in general, i think that things will work out for the better. i believe that people are good on the inside. and the majority of people in my life are the same: we love to believe that things are good and wonderful and life is just splendid as it is. we can just sit on the porch and it is enough. sometimes i get away from this natural state of being, as is easy to do in the big city, but i return when i sip red wine and wear a pink lace slip from the silverlake flea market that was far too expensive. 

and in romantic love, i want it to be slow and careful and deep. i want to shuck corn on the porch and laugh until late into the night, my eyelash extensions and gel acrylics from walmart and platform sandals just as queer as anything. i want to be loved reliably and steadily and thoughtfully by one person, who thinks i am the prettiest one in the room. i want our life to be ours, just ours, and also shared with everyone that we love; someone who teaches my impatient heart to sit on the porch longer. i love big and fierce and i never want to fall asleep wondering i’m giving them enough freedom. i want my love to be enough for them, and never too much. 

i have learned a lot from other small-town butches and femmes and queers, or from those who come from even smaller towns — other people who grew up just as poor and as queer as me. it is slow and quiet and there is so much love and value there. we made do with what we had, and it was so hard, but it was okay. i’ve learned a lot about unequivocal support and goodness in everyone, something the big city and leftist politics might not preach. when i hear big-city californians scoff at the politics of places like the midwest or the south, i want to scream that if you have not been there, you do not know the beauty of the way we do community, the way we just keep living and breathing and loving. there are so many good things about being from a small place, and people from places like los angeles will not ever understand. 

i am a small-town femme living a big life in a big city loving in big ways. i don’t ever wanna make myself small for anyone. i don’t ever wanna apologize for my skincare routine and thoughtful, ritualistic way i pick out my clothing most mornings, for the expensive cocktails i want to drink, for the way i feel more at peace next to a standing body of water than the ocean, for pointing out angel numbers on license plates and addresses, for the life i lived before moving that was just as good as it is now. the sweetest loves i have known have been from so many places, none better than the other. i don’t want to hear about how places like the one i’m from couldn’t hold all of me, because the big city doesn’t, either. there are so many parts of me that los angeles just will not see, and there are just as many parts that minnesota will not, either. i am a girl stuck between lots of places and identities, and it’s always felt that way. 

being a midwestern femme in los angeles has me wondering if there is a place for me anywhere, with my braids and thrifted clothing and bottom-shelf champagne and dairy in the fridge, half of my friends vegan and gluten-free and the other half butchering animals in their backyard. i wonder if anyone will ever see all of me, which comes with the myriad of people i love who love me too. i have to believe that there are people like this. i have to believe there are people who want to look at designer things and go home to drink a cheap beer on our porch. i want to eat dinner we prepared together and play music we wrote together. i want my life to continue to be filled with platonic loves and a big romantic love. i cannot do this life alone, and i would never want to. i will continue to be a shining femme, a bright girl, finding laughter and joy in small things, because it is all i have known. i will continue to be a minnesotan femme in los angeles, because i have to. i have to.

It’s a new day for the sun to shine. Wake up, and be free. The day is yours, and the day is mine.

It’s a really great day for the sky to be blue. Look up high! And see the birds soaring too!

On this new day the birds really sing. It’s fun to sing with the birds and hear their songs ringaling.

It’s a new day for the earth to move. It’s amazing how all the people really get into a groove.

On this new day I’ve got two feet on the ground. It’s love that makes the world go around.

It’s a really great day to go out and seize the day. Neighbors wave, and people laugh and play.

It’s a new day to run and skip outside. It’s more wonderful to do this with friends by my side.

On this new day I wear a smile on my face. I do all that I need to do with a heart filled with grace.

Here I go…

Off on another adventure

Down a new road

Starting over, or picking up where I left off

I will go.

Go with the flow

Where this current will take me- I do not know

That’s the beauty in it;

Learning to trust, while I row.

I hate that I love this song, but it really says it best:

Miley Cyrus speaks to me and my feelings and struggles of small business ownership, growing older, not always being on the same path as my peers, and life in general.

On my big trip out west with my mom and sister, my sister and I decided to hike the Manitou Incline.

2,768 steps, all uphill with 2,000 ft elevation gain and a 3-mile hike back down the hill.

Talk about a climb.

This wasn’t just a fun hike for me or a fitness challenge, to me this was personal.

Having an online business, or honestly just being a person with an Instagram we are sucked into seeing not only our friends but what strangers are doing and comparing ourselves with them all day every day.

There are times when Ellery is doing great and I don’t notice the comparison creeping in as much, but when it’s a bit of a business slump, which is inevitable, I feel the comparison in my head start to increase.

It’s when I’m not feeling at the top of my game that I start to question if people are doing better than me and really if there is something I am doing wrong or not enough.

It feels gross to admit those feelings. I would love to be in a place where those thoughts don’t exist but at this moment, they can be present and it’s hard for me to get out of my head sometimes.

In 2019 I took a solo trip with Dagwood to visit my Dad in Manitou Springs, CO, and I remember seeing the Incline and thinking that it seemed impossible. But as impossible as it seemed there was some part of me that felt drawn to it and that I wanted to climb it.

At the time I was incredibly torn on what direction I wanted my life to go. I knew I was ready to move on from my current job, but while I was on this trip I took an interview for another job that I knew I could love but there was part of me that knew I would be putting Ellery on hold.

The other part of me knew that it would be a BIG challenge but I wanted to try my hand at running Ellery full time and really focus on making my dream come true.

When I didn’t get the job that I had interviewed for I took that as my sign that it was time to step up to the challenge of my own Incline, deciding to throw myself into Ellery full-time.

As we all know, 2020 threw all of us into a tailspin. We all faced an insane amount of stress and challenges.

But what I was starting to realize was that after each hurdle I was able to jump over I was still standing. And while it was incredibly hard, the journey that I was on was wildly rewarding.

The hardest part of the journey was embracing the world of Instagram and being online so much.

I was so scared to put myself out there on Instagram. To talk on stories and show my face.

Would I be as engaging as some of the other people I followed?

Would people think I was cheesy or not take me seriously?

As I was questioning how people would view me, I was caught up in watching what other people were doing all the time.  As people were having success and gaining followers I was constantly worried about if Ellery was growing at the same rate and if my shop was cute enough to compete with all the other amazing businesses out there that I was seeing.  We all know that everyone is putting their best foot forward on the gram but it is hard to have that in the front of your mind all the time and I would find myself getting sucked into a comparison spiral.

So when my sister wanted to hike the Manitou Incline, I knew I wanted to do it because of what it represented to me.

When I first saw the Incline in 2019 it felt too hard.

But now from what I learned in the last 3 years was that I am stronger than I think I am.

And the lesson that I needed to learn was that the key to successfully climbing the Incline is that you have to go at your own pace. If you try to keep up with others you will exhaust yourself and there is only one bailout point on the hike.

You have to be ok with someone getting ahead of you, you have to be ok with getting passed. You have to be ok stopping to catch your breath more often than you would like. You can’t let people comment about your shoe choices, or overhear people talk about how hard it is to psych you out. You have to focus on what you can do and if you do that, you can make it.

This hike really personified the struggles of the last couple of years. It showed me the importance of the lesson that the universe keeps trying to teach me: going at your own pace is enough, and the only way to success.

Also having Beyonce in your headphones is always the right decision.

Do you ever struggle with comparison? What’s the lesson the universe is always trying to teach you?

My rage now scorches my soul

Seething, slathering it in undeniable rage

The world swamped with excuses for cruelty seems

               Un-redeemable ,

humanity selling its attention span for

Momentary excursions to post and pretend it was a worthy exchange for fleeting peace, no one rests anymore our souls cry out in the darkness against our pillows ,

             no rest for the wicked ,

                     no rest for the complicit

We will deserve the next disaster even those of us who tried.

Inhumane stupidity will cost us all more than we can afford

and justice will turn to a thing that belongs to fairy tales like hope and kindness.

Familiar in the uncomfortable again.

Time is the enemy here.

Who told you to be adaptable?

Nobody told you that going with the flow makes you crash into rocks?

Drown.

It feels good to not breathe.

Oh I’ve seen this darkness before.

I remember it like the skin on my wrists remember the grip.

Long sleeves are itchy now.

My closet isn’t full though, I refuse to unpack.

I’m going to leave again because I can’t stay here in this snake skin.

I’ve shed and shed but they don’t wither away.

Long sleeves and high collars are itchy now.

But I’ve gotten used to this flow.

If I survived it once, I can do it again.

My 1 year of peace away from the chaos was splendid.

Time is the enemy here.

Why is every second so temporary?

I ask as I slither into my old snake skin, almost as a shield.

Linger. Please happiness, please linger.

I’m sorry for reverting, but I have to survive.

I survive in the familiar, the uncomfortable.

I’ve done it once, I can do it again.

This is an incredibly hard question but if we are allowed to throw our hat in the ring we would say that would be the ability to acquire new knowledge.

Granted, some people will try to make a case for some soft skills like endurance, tenacity, and leadership qualities. But, as commendable as these traits might be, we have to admit we are living in a world that is evolving at a rapid pace. In a situation like this, isn’t the ability to keep up with the pace and leverage the benefit of formal education in your back pocket the single most valuable asset you can rely upon?

Let us break down this interesting topic in greater detail.

Establishing professional credentials

In the world of business, the professionals are assessed by the quality of work they manage to put out. But, even with things as they are, no one can deny that no matter whether you are just starting out or you have spent years in the industry, formal education can do nothing but boost the credibility you have in professional circles. We can apply this claim to a whole array of situations that make a critical part of corporate life ranging from pitching the business idea to closing negotiation. A person that has put enough effort into education and self-improvement always makes a more commendable impression.

Networking opportunities

Entrepreneurship and business word, in general, are built on networking. These acquaintances can be used for getting access to more favorable deals, forging lucrative partnerships, earning favors with the larger corporate entities, or in countless other critical situations. Well, keeping that in mind it is good to know that universities, schools, courses, and other instances where young professionals can earn their credentials make incredibly fertile soil for forging these professional relationships. So, the time spent on acquiring professional skills can, at the same time, be spent on establishing your professional brand.

Access to streamlined and systemized knowledge

Human beings have an endless capacity to acquire new knowledge and skills. But much like in any other field of human activity, this one doesn’t rely entirely on the end result but also on how fast and efficiently you are able to get to the finish line. And, it should be obvious that formal education has found a way to make this pursuit of knowledge as streamlined as possible. For instance, if you are studying in the UK, you can simply check the University of Manchester projects database and find the materials you need to easily get through the curriculum. Doing all these things off the grid only wastes valuable time and resources.

Improved productivity

No educational institution can make you prepared for all the challenges that will await you once you start making your career as an entrepreneur. But, the skills you acquire will definitely allow you to face these obstacles with greater speed, efficiency, and confidence which can have a tremendous impact on your overall productivity. This is a great asset since, as we mentioned in the introduction, the present-day business world is incredibly hectic, relentless, and in most cases requires split-second reactions. The ability to do more with less time and make informed decisions is surely one of the ways out of this maze.

Developing valuable soft skills

So yeah, we can’t go around the fact that your ability to deal with different personal and professional challenges is just as critical for your career as an entrepreneur as any kind of knowledge about the field of work you have chosen to tackle. Here, formal education gets undeserved flak as a system that is spoonfeeding you with knowledge that has no real-life value. But education does build you into a stronger and more confident person and, through valuable challenges, encourages your tenacity, work habits, negotiation skills, critical thinking, and all other skills you will use over the course of your career.

Learning how to learn

Last but not least, we have to quickly cover one of the less talked about but at the same time one of the valuable skills you will get by enrolling in some kind of course where you will get an opportunity to work with professional educators and systemized curriculums. To put it simply, formal education gives you the tools you can use to acquire new knowledge in the most optimized manner and develops the habit of doing that on a daily basis. Once you master these valuable learning and time-management techniques you will be able to apply them to all problems waiting for you ahead. These skills are nothing short of priceless.

So, we hope this short breakdown gave you a general idea about just how valuable education can be for your career as an entrepreneur both in terms of the business-specific knowledge you can get there and the valuable skills you can pick up along the way. But, if there is a single benefit we can take out of this discussion that would be the ability to adapt and face new challenges with confidence and curiosity. This perk alone can completely change your career and launch you right into the stratosphere. 

The Reality of Being a Woman In Mexico

By: Vania Vela

At this point, getting home alive is a miracle. 

Mexico is a country where leaving your home means you may never return. A country where your testimony is silenced and ignored. One where victims never receive justice. 

The government does nothing. Victims are blamed, their crimes marked as “accidents.” How can I live peacefully knowing that if I am killed, it will be marked as suicide on the death certificate?

I can’t go out on the streets without the fear of being kidnapped and raped. It is terrifying to be home alone at the thought of someone coming in and killing me in my own room. At this point I am not living, I am merely surviving. 

It hurts to live in Mexico. It’s waking up and seeing your social media filled with pictures of missing or murdered women. It’s knowing that today it was a stranger, but the next day it could be your loved one or even yourself. 

Living in Mexico is texting “I’m home” to your family and friends. It’s being followed through the streets, cars driving around again and again where you walk, praying that it’s just a coincidence. 

Living in Mexico is blaming the clothes, the time and the place, denying justice to the victims. It’s us who are to blame and not the killer. It’s to feel a hand inside your dress and say nothing, because who would believe you?

Living in Mexico is feeling watched all the time. It’s to turn around at the slightest sound of footsteps for fear that they are coming after you. It’s to take a picture of what you are wearing in case you need to be identified. It’s sharing your location every time you go out, even if it’s just around the corner.

Living in Mexico is being constantly afraid of being next and knowing you won’t be the last. 

Everyone breaks me because everyone can. I wear my heart on my sleeves so everyone can see, I have nothing to hide but I should, I guess. I should build a wall or list out my expectations in love, relationships and friendships then stand by them but I really don’t know how to. This is who I am and this is how I love. You never have to be deserving, there is no being worthy of my love. I give it to anyone who presents themselves as needy of my affection, to anyone who shows me the slightest bit of kindness and then I feel like I owe them my own and for their momentary refuge I offer a lifetime’s haven. I love and love and give and give simply because it is my nature to be lover and giver. I displace myself to put them on, finding my own happiness in theirs. This is my virtue or maybe it is  my flaw.

I am radical in love, ignoring red flags or cautionary words from onlookers, I never know when to draw the line, I constantly lose myself to accommodate the object of my love. When wronged ,I look to moments when they had made even the most miniature gestures of goodness, I make excuses for them over and over. I fictionalize in me that somehow they would change seeing how real my love is or how much I would give to make them comfortable but there are bad people who have mortgaged conscience for self gain, they keep you there because you attend to their distress calls, I overlook all this when I dive in love. This is what love should be right? Or maybe not, love is a game and it’s dynamics state that if there was no tussle then there is no value, who wants an easy win after all?a harder win makes the game worth your time. For them love is a game, they make me out to be easy and go for bigger fish. Hence this is my flaw and here is my downfall.

Hi, my name is Nataly Marie Feliciano; sometimes I am referred to as Nati Feliciano-Soto, Nati, or Nataly. I am a 19-year-old Latinx (Puerto Rican) American from Richmond, Virginia. I am currently attending Brightpoint community college majoring in visual arts, and film specialization; to transfer to VCU to major in cinema and either minor in mass communications or creative writing. As a second-generation college student, I am following in the primary footsteps of my mother, who was the first in her family to attend and graduate from college (with a master’s degree). My mother was a young, Latina trailblazer who came from the projects of Waterbury, and she was raised in a broken home with her other 5 siblings. Her goals and animations ultimately motivated her to become an ESL teacher in Virginia. She achieved her dream of helping 1st or 2nd generations, like herself, learn English and make an example of themselves in this country (a hub of opportunities). So, due to having big shoes; all the pressure landed on me (the youngest of my family) or should I say the princess of the family.

I mean for god’s sake, I whined and cried to have the limited-edition Dora’s kitchen back in 08’ (during the Great Recession) so much that I made my dad drive all the way to New Jersey to finally find one. I only played with the playset for not even 6 months. I was quite the devil-child back in the day. Although my mother and I come from completely different childhoods, we do share some similar experiences. For example, my mother and I are both victims of bullying and emotional pain from trauma. Except, my challenges had a unique twist…I was bullied due to having a horrid stutter and toe-walking disorder. Even my own teachers wanted me placed into special ed classes; on the basis that I was ‘’too stupid and slow’’ to do their work rather than encourage me to do better like my peers. 

However, through the negative experiences of my childhood, I gained two special gifts. The first gift is the lifelong friendship and support from my mother. She would go as far as to fight for my academic rights on the table in front of the whole school’s administration team all the way to help me with the financial struggles of college. The second gift, which is something I hold very precious, is my wild imagination, which I’ve used to create my own worlds and story; without any criticisms of myself or of the characters. Now throughout my adult years, I developed high social anxiety due to all the bullying, to the point where even doing simple social things made me uncomfortable and scared that I will be called out by stutter. 

Nevertheless, thanks to the world I created and the characters I have written over the year in my head; my stories have become a personal outlet for me. Now it has also become a primary result of the life-changing cause and effect era in my life. When I was 14 years old after spending a dreadful and traumatic year living in Lakeland, Florida; where the only positive experience I had was visiting universal 14 times over until I knew the guy who played Homer Simpson by name. My mother brought me a book by one of my favorite WWE superstars, called “Crazy is My Superpower” by AJ Mendez who played AJ Lee. She inspired me to turn all the doubts, fears and challenges that I would incorporate into my stories (even now), into my seeking a positive as I would turn these stories I had in my head into my future career and life purpose. Therefore, I present myself as a young woman who is seeking a dream, and not just any dream. A dream filled with chapters and storylines visioned throughout the years that I will work hard to become a reality. 

My dream is to become a blockbuster film producer, an Oscar-award-winning film director, a talented actress, and a successful screenwriter. My dream is to tell my story from the big pages of hardcover books to the big screen. With that being said, I am very motivated and confident in the sacrifices I am already making to make my dreams come true. Just like my mother, I was taught to work hard, be humble, and be ready for many doors to close yet many to open. I always remind myself to not let even the most surreal life circumstances stop me from reaching my goals. A 1st generation student who became a wife and mother while being buried with debt and discrimination raised a strong, unbreakable, spoiled yet humble go-getter woman with a creative mind. That spontaneous princess is me, along with many manuscripts ready to be proposed to whoever gives her a chance to display her talents.

Which is why, if it wasn’t for AJ Lee, my personal traumatic experiences, the bullying I endured all throughout school, for Becky G being vibrant about her Latina culture to a 9 year old Natí who got stuck listening to YT artists to try to fit in or for Selena Gomez playing that one Latina character (Alex Russo) I held so gracefully on a piece of fresh representation for. Little would I have known that I am Nataly (Nati) Marie Feliciano, a girl of many different roles. A 19-year-old Latinx (Puerto Rican) woman, a spoiled rotten but humbled little sister, a princess daughter, a college student, a dog mom to my 9-year-old jobless German shepherd, an awesome girlfriend, an encouraging friend, and a girl with big dreams ahead of her. Now it might take a few months for Hollywood to call me back, okay maybe a few years or decades. It doesn’t change the fact that no matter how long it takes for me to get to the stop. I won’t stop, even if I still have big shoes to fill while starting from the bottom at community college. 

I couldn’t afford to go to a big-league school like NYU or Full Sail University and my social anxiety makes me such at a making connections. But this caterpillar eyebrowed, lion-mane haired, super short (having to use a pillow to prop me up to drive), anime/sitcom lover will make the most of her opportunities and she won’t quit until The Flores Twins: Roselena and Veronica Flores-Garica, Yarliz de la Rosa, Aliana Torres, Sapphire Flores, Antonia Olivera, Genesis Girlado, Victoria Diaz, Florence Santiago, Ximena Sanchez, Belicias Del Mar, or AJ Santiago’s face is known! My vision is to one day have my characters and my story take over the world like freakin’ Pokemon! In which, I promise to make every single one of my supporters from the start to the finish of my journey involved, appreciated, and most importantly, proud!

It was sometime in 1985. I was a 28 year-old working for the Feds at JFK Airport in New York City. My work had me traveling to Washington DC several times throughout the year. My lodging of choice was the Marbury Hotel at the edge of Georgetown.  My nightly routine was dinner then flirting with the bartenders at my favorite Georgetown haunts. My trips were often accompanied by a few other coworkers. This time I was there on my own. I walked back to my hotel each night always with a cigarette in hand. I smoked in those days- a lot.

On my second night there, I saw a man sitting in an alcove in front of the door of a closed office building.  He was tall. I could see that even as he sat on that small concrete step.  He had jet black, unruly hair, although the word becomes “unkept” when not applied in the civilized halls of polite society.  His long black coat, while not in tatters, was clearly the garb of one without a home. He had the bluest eyes.  He appeared to be in his mid-thirties.  He was there again the next night. This time he pointed to my cigarette and nodded the question, “Do you have an extra one”.  I smoked Marlboros at the time.  I gave him one along with a light and went on my way.  On the third night. I stood and talked a few minutes.  I had so many questions for him. He intrigued me. He had not the trappings of the usual bum on the street bumming a smoke. Beneath the grime and grit of his clothes and hands, there seemed a veneer of better times. I dislike unasked questions and so I asked.  What was he doing out here? He left his corporate life for good, he said. He hated it and what it had become.  I didn’t ask if it was by his own accord or with an unwelcomed escort.

In those years after Mr. Reagan took office, one of the calamitous effects of the stroke of the Executive Order pen was to reduce the beds in this country for the mentally ill from 6 million to 600,000. It was the days of the homeless pouring into the streets and under the overpasses of highways and byways all over this country. Times Square became a mecca for it and so had Washington DC.  Yet, to this naïve young mind, this man didn’t seem to fit that bill of mental incapacity at all. I continued this nightly routine. When he asked for the cigarette, I now found it my license to sit and ask more questions.  How does he survive this way? How do even the basic tenets of privileged hygiene occur?  I wish I could recall the answers.  But I do remember we got to know each other in those brief visits each night.   I liked him.  He seemed to like me.

It was late fall.  The air was getting chillier.  On about the seventh night, I asked him a question that didn’t even seem to be coming from my conscience mind.  It was accompanied by a voice that said, “Are you insane?”  It was cold. I could not fathom a night out here on that stoop for him.  I asked if he would like to come back to the Marbury Hotel.  At first, he was even more stunned than I was by the question.  He then smiled and said yes.  I was glad. I regaled him with tales of a lovely shower. We walked to the hotel. I averted the eyes of the bellman and the concierge.  I did not want any questions I had no answers for.  We went up to the room. We talked more hesitantly now without the ease of sitting side by side on our little stoop.  I was nervous in a way that would never make me bolt for the door, though.  He took a shower. He had a bag and changed his clothes. He washed his socks and underwear in the sink and draped them carefully across the chair to dry. I remember he had pajamas in that bag. I remember thinking how odd a thing to pack in a survival bag fit for sleeping on the streets. It made me realize his time outside could not have been that long. It seemed he packed as any traveling businessman would do, even if there was no destination waiting for him.

We turned off the lights. He went to sleep.  My brain lingered awhile in delight that he would not be sleeping on the cold cement at least for tonight. I can’t say my pride did not surface at having engineered this situation.  The thoughts of being killed in my hotel room by a perfect stranger were gone, fleeting as they were.  I felt I had gotten to know this man’s integrity, if not his whole story, in our nightly conversations.   I began to think about what we would have for breakfast and for ways to help him get back into the society he so thoroughly shunned.  I finally fell asleep. He must have read my mind in his dreams.  When I awoke the next morning, he was gone.  I was sad and confused and didn’t quite understand how one could walk away from all the trappings of what I came to find was quite a comfortable life somewhere in Connecticut.   I went to work quite unsettled. I couldn’t wait for it to be over so I could go back to the alcove and find him.  I went to dinner as usual.  He was never there when I walked up the street, only upon my return.   I cut my barfly time short and walked back towards the Marbury and he wasn’t there.  I never saw him again, but he has stayed with me for almost forty years now.

A great experience was our family trip across the USA. I was in third grade. That was when my love for travel was born.

Many memories were created in that 1969 blue Pontiac. Dad drove us to destinations including Yellowstone Park in Wyoming, Mt. Rushmore in South Dakota, and Reno in Nevada.

It expanded my horizon of all there is to see and do. Geysers, twinkling lights, music, swimming, dining, and exploring ignited excitement in me.

Dad said I could do anything I put my mind to. There were many highways and detours in my life since that trip out West.

Despite the highways that ended in divorce for my parents and eventually for me, I discovered newfound hope and destinations.

The greatest discovery was who I am. I wrote a book about it called The LORI Factor. I inspire and encourage others to live the life they were born to live. Some people call me the Queen of Hope.

Harness hope. Without hope, we perish. Where have you been or where do you want to go? What is your dream vacation? Now that the world is opening up again, the possibilities are endless.

Riviera Maya in Mexico was fun. I slipped onto the pool deck and called that moment, Slip, Slide, and Olé.

Whether it’s in my own backyard, on a road trip, or flying on a plane, I share my stories and travels. That’s when the creation of Lori’s Stories By the Water was born.

Water, boats, and beaches are my favorites.

What makes travel even better is traveling with those you love. Start with loving yourself. Travel solo or with family and friends. Create memories that will last a lifetime.

Tell me about your hopes and dreams.

Finding the most consistent someone for your innocent heart is no walk in the park, and we get that! Sometimes, a relationship may start feeling like a game to your inattentive boyfriend, and you begin to doubt if he really deserves you. 

You can learn if he’s unappreciative when you go through this:

• He doesn’t put any effort into having fun with you. 
• He rarely talks about the insides (pillars) of your relationship. 
• He manages to roll over blame on you even when he’s wrong. 
• He manipulates you into fake love with frequent sweet-talking and shallow promises. 
• He makes you feel like an option. 
• He treats you secondary, even when you shower him with all love in your heart. 

These stances don’t mean you are unworthy of love or unfortunate; they just point out you’re with the wrong boy. 

Love doesn’t require conditions to be met when it’s real. It just flows through two souls and unites them into one, forming an unbreakable bond. Remember, this only happens when both souls have equal love, respect, mutual understanding, and infinite chemistry for each other! 

So if you’re going through a relationship that doesn’t feel like two worlds swiftly and softly colliding into each other, there’s a lot more exploring left, girl. 

Soon we’ll present 20+ signs he doesn’t deserve you, but before that, you need to learn what factors make a healthy romantic relationship. 

What makes your relationship a love fireball? 

We know when it comes to love, romantic chemistry is one significant factor you want to weigh, but it’s not all you should. Chemistry and love are inevitably crucial in any romantic relationship, but there’s more you need, like respect, loyalty, constant effort, and efficient communication. 

It’s also essential to be compatible with your partner and have the same principles or values regarding your relationship. The ability to be mature and openly communicate is a giant green flag in any relationship.

Your intimate feelings may often make you feel like they’re worth sticking around for. However, you should actually seek compatibility when finding yourself a lover. 

To help you find out if he’s the wrong catch, we’ve curated a list of 23 signs he doesn’t deserve you (because let’s be honest, if you’re here reading this article, wondering if he really does deserve you, chances are, he doesn’t!):

1. Lack of Equal Efforts 

If you’re always the only one putting effort into this relationship, it’s time to say ‘goodbye‘ to him! Whether it is making plans, calling/texting first, or coming forward to fix an issue, if he doesn’t seem to be returning the effort, he doesn’t deserve you.

Healthy relationships only blossom when two people are equally interested in each other and push mutual efforts to make the relationship work. If you feel like he’s only putting in minimal action, just enough to ensure you’re rolled around his fingers, it’s a sign he doesn’t deserve you. 

2. He’s always selfish. 

Do you remember yelling ‘Everything’s about you!‘ right at him? Does he place his feelings and himself above you, where you feel smaller and weak? 

We won’t say it’s selfish to put yourself first sometimes. However, constantly trying to feel superior in a relationship is the most wrong he can do as your partner.  

When stuck in uninvited circumstances, he should be willing to make just as many sacrifices and compromises as you do. Considering your partner’s feelings and values at an equal level is part of a loving relationship. If he fails to do that, he doesn’t deserve you. 

Always remember, a loving boyfriend will put as much effort as required to make a relationship work without ever keeping a count or expectations for return. 

He will love you like the most precious thing in this world, and you’d be overwhelmed to shower back immense love on him. You should expect this when looking for a boyfriend to spend your special and extraordinary life with! 

3. You feel like you can’t be your authentic self around him. 

You may often find yourself trying to pretend to be a different person just because he likes you that way. You dress as per his taste, style your hair the way he likes, and even say only what he wants to hear. 

While it’s fun to excite your boyfriend by occasionally doing everything he fancies, you should never lose sight of who you really are. For a healthy relationship, it’s important that he loves you, knowing your genuine personality. 

If you feel like you cannot be your real self around him, he may be another waste of your precious time. When you’re in a relationship with someone, they expand the space for you to grow and learn while being yourself. They accept your flaws and shortcomings and help you become a better version of yourself. 

But if he’s making you change for the worse or as per his appetites, it’s a red flag. On the other hand, if it’s undoubtedly for the better, let’s just say ‘the only constant in life is change’ and modifying for the better is not such a bad thing after all. 

4. He triggers your insecurities on purpose. 

When you’ve been in a relationship for a while, your partner probably knows about your insecurities and flaws. If he makes you feel worse about them, you should not be in a relationship with him. 

If you’re insecure about something and he brings it up in arguments and tries to trigger your emotions, you’re dating a toxic boy. On the contrary, if he helps you understand yourself better and work on yourself, he’s a keeper! 

5. You find yourself defending his actions. 

Often when we’re stuck in a toxic cycle, we fail to realize it until it’s too late. You must know that actions will tell you more than his words ever would. 

If you defend his damaging and hostile actions to the people who care about you (for instance, your friends or family), he’s not worthy of your love. Someone who prioritizes you will ensure he puts in the effort to show pure love, care, and respect. 

If your friends and family are concerned about the damage he’s inflicting on you (which you may overlook), trust them because he’ll only cause more emotional or physical hurt in the future. 

Instead, you can spend this time working on your mind and sensitive heart, which will eventually attract a genuinely deserving person. 

6. You don’t feel loved enough. 

As cliche as it sounds—when something isn’t right, you’ll know it in your heart and guts. So if you constantly feel a lack of love in your bond, you should talk to your boyfriend about it. 

Learning about a partner’s love language is essential to reassure their feelings and unlock millions of butterflies in their stomach. Your partner should always feel secure and loved in a relationship with you. 

It’s not your obligation to ensure they’re feeling secure, but you need to take responsibility for their heart and help them know they are loved. A little reassurance goes a long way, and if he’s not giving you that, it’s probably because he doesn’t deserve you. 

7. He’s never present. 

When you’re out with him or even just talking on a call, does he seem to be mentally absent all the time? Does he show zero attention towards your conversations? If yes, we hate to say it, but it’s likely because he’s not interested in your beautiful personality. 

Showing low signs of interest is a red flag in any relationship, and he knows that. If he continues to be mentally absent for the most part, even after you’ve clearly conveyed it to him, he doesn’t deserve you. 

You must find a lover who drowns looking in your eyes when you talk, and your every word melts their heart! 

8. He doesn’t talk about the future. 

It’s a thing with all of us who’re in love—we absolutely adore chit-chatting about the future even when we’re not sure what it holds. 

Are you always very excited to talk about your future with him? You bring up discussions like the kind of house you’ll share or where you’ll get married, but he couldn’t care less. If you see this sign, save yourself some heartache and dump him. 

If he doesn’t see a future with you or talk about it, it could mean that he’s not as committed as you are to this relationship. However, this sign could also depend on how serious or long-term the connection has been. 

If it’s been years and he still avoids discussing a future with you, it could mean he’s not ready to commit to you fully. 

9. He views communication as complaining. 

It is normal for couples to fall into arguments or have conflicts of opinions. However, what is not normal is your partner making you feel guilty for communicating your needs. 

A healthy relationship is built on open communication. Even mountain-size arguments can dissolve when partners communicate efficiently with each other. 

If you’re dating someone, he must be mature enough to understand the difference between communication and conflict. When you’re trying to communicate, he must be willing to listen, understand and work on the issue with you. 

At all times during a disagreement in the relationship, he must remember that it’s you and him vs. the problem and not you vs. him. 

10. He’s still not over his ex. 

Whether it’s him bringing her up during conversations or sneakingly texting her, if he’s not over his ex yet, don’t date him! 

If his ex is still clouding all over his mind, chances are he might use you as a rebound or merely fool around with you to forget her. If this is his intention, it will cost you a lot of emotional damage. 

This is more likely if he has jumped into a relationship with you right after breaking up with his ex. He didn’t use enough time to move on and might still be attached to her in many ways. Trust me; you don’t want to be with an unsure man like this. 

In frequent such cases, he might be willing to remove his ex entirely from his life, and this article can help achieve that—How to stop romanticizing your ex? 

11. He makes you feel inferior. 

He always seems to have a problem with the way you dress or the way you talk. He makes you feel like you’re inferior to him in class or status and even insults you. 

If he calls you an embarrassment or refuses to claim you as his partner in public, these could all be ways of making you feel inferior. When this happens, you might lose self-confidence and even feel ‘not good enough‘ for him. 

It’s important to know that this is not your fault, and it’s him that doesn’t deserve you. You do not need to fake your personality or change in ways for him to accept you. You deserve unconditional love the way you are! 

12. He has cheated on you in the past. 

Partners often accept their significant others back even after they have cheated on them, but second chances may not necessarily be good. When someone cheats on you, it’s because they don’t respect the relationship and value desires over feelings. 

Cheating is widespread nowadays; however, you must remember that if your man has cheated on you in the past, he doesn’t deserve a spot in your life anymore. 

A person who genuinely cares about your heart will never attempt an action that breaks it. Wait for this person. 

13. He ghosts you from time to time. 

Ghosting is also fairly common in this age and time, especially if you’re in an online relationship. Ghosting is the act of maintaining no contact or, in other terms, ‘going ghost‘ on your partner. 

When someone ghosts you, they leave you feeling like you’re asking too much of them. The way he is ghosting you from time to time signifies commitment issues, and if he has trouble devoting to the connection now, who’s to say what the relationship’s future will be like?

14. He belittles you in front of his friends. 

Most people hold their friends in high regard, and he probably does too. When it comes to ‘boys‘ nights and meeting with his friends, it’s like you don’t even exist. 

He doesn’t ask you out along and doesn’t care enough to introduce you as his beautiful girlfriend. 

We understand that having a sense of individuality is important in any relationship. But we’re referring to him talking badly about you to his friends and making you feel like the ‘lesser‘ person in the relationship. If he continuously belittles you, he clearly has no respect for you and doesn’t deserve a queen. 

15. He leaves you hanging. 

What we mean by this is that he makes you question where you stand in his life. He’s not clarifying where you rank on his list of priorities, and you’re constantly confused if you matter to him. 

If he’s doing this, he probably is confused about you too, and girl, we don’t need a man like that in our lives now, do we?

16. He lies!

Someone that loves you will have the guts to speak the truth, no matter how hurtful it may be. If there have been multiple times where you’ve caught him in a lie, and he refuses to accept it, it’s a dating red flag. 

When he’s lying to you, it means he doesn’t respect you enough to tell you the truth. Being truthful to each other forms the base of a healthy relationship, and if you want to be in a long-term relationship with a man, we suggest you pick one that doesn’t constantly use a lie-lie tongue. 

17. He’s insecure and angry at all times. 

If you find yourself walking on wires regarding what you say in front of him, he’s not the right one. You deserve to love a boy who’s confident in himself and doesn’t get insecure about ordinary things. 

Does he get insecure and jealous of your guy friends, even after you have told him multiple times that he shouldn’t worry about them? If he gets angry and violent—waste no time and walk away for your own sake. 

18. You don’t feel safe in his company. 

When you’re in a relationship with the right person, you allow yourself to feel comfortable and be your genuine self. They ensure that you feel safe and secure with them, no matter where you go. 

So if you don’t feel unassailable in your current boyfriend’s company, you probably shouldn’t force it. Feeling comfortable comes naturally when you stay with someone you trust. You’ll automatically be ready to walk beside him on a dark road at 2 AM if you feel safe with him. 

However, if you’re struggling to be comfortable in his presence, you can’t take the relationship ahead, physically or emotionally. When you think something’s off, don’t ignore the signs. 

19. He expects your life to revolve around him. 

Do you continuously feel the need to keep your boy’s feelings in mind in everything you do? This could even mean you care about his heart at the cost of your own feelings and mental health. 

If all your life goals and plans are adjusted to accommodate him and his needs, you need to back off for a minute and rethink your relationship. No matter what happens, one must understand that decisions in every relationship are required to be mutual and not one-sided. 

How to know if you are giving him great authority over your life? 

For instance, you got a scholarship to an incredible college, but he makes you pick a college close to his hometown. Another example—you are going on a family vacation, and he argues with you, saying, “Are you really going to leave me alone here?” 

Trust me; if he’s expecting your life to revolve around him, he’s not the right person for you. He’s no superstar who deserves your life to be entirely poured out on him; you’re the only superstar here! 

20. He’s manipulative 

Being manipulative means he twists words to get you into doing or thinking whatever he wants. When you open up about something triggering you, he might take it negatively and make you feel guilty for expressing your feelings. 

Somehow you always do what he wants, even if you may not want to. This could be a sign he’s manipulative. 

21. He gaslights you 

Gaslighting is a psychological term that means emotionally manipulating someone to question their own sanity and self-worth. The best way to find out if your boyfriend is a gaslighter is by observing the count of self mistakes they blame on you and how much they distort reality to get out of tricky situations. 

For instance, he may say things like, 

• “I would never have done this (a bad thing) if it wasn’t for you.” 
• “You heard wrong; I said something else.”
• “My tone was different than how you interpreted it.”
• “You are crazy; I hope you get help.” 
• “You do everything wrong.” 
• “I wish you were different.” 
• “I said it jokingly; stop being so mad and creating drama.” 

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that causes long-term damage to the victim’s thinking patterns and mindset. 

So if you’re dating someone who regularly tries to put you behind bars in all debates, save yourself ASAP! Being with a toxic person is sailing on a boat with no steering; you may never be able to haul it through thunderstorms! 

22. He projects his feelings and insecurities on you.

If he’s insecure and toxic, he might project his feelings on you. This could mean he accuses you of lying, cheating, disloyalty, and whatnot!  

People project their own thoughts and feelings onto someone else as a coping mechanism. For instance, if he’s self-critical, he may go ahead and criticize you. If he’s insecure, he may frequently convey that he feels like you’re cheating under daily-life events. 

In case he isn’t mature enough to listen to you or understand your heart, he is definitely not someone that deserves you. 

23. You feel like you deserve better 

There is no better sign than your own gut. When your mind, heart, body, soul, and every part of you silently scream that you deserve better, believe it. It’s not wrong to ask for what you desire in a relationship; don’t let him make you doubt your self-worth. 

If you’ve been thinking about breaking up and ending things for a while because all such signs are telling you ‘you deserve better,‘ you really do. 

In Conclusion 

Ending things with someone you love might seem like a tough decision to make, but it will set your soul free in the long run. When you think you deserve better, it’s because you know you do. 

Work on yourself while you wait for your soulmate to find you; you don’t always have to be searching. Never let anyone make you question your worth. The right partner will bring you just the kind of love you deserve. 

You must accept your genuine self to know your own worth. When you are confident about who you are, you will surely attract a partner who gives you just the right amount of time and effort. Moreover, he will reciprocate your intense feelings. 

Always remember to teach your partner how to treat you. Never accept less than you deserve and never settle! 

Don’t accept someone who makes you question your confidence and creates self-doubt. You deserve to be with a lover who makes you happy, safe, and comfortable. Someone who allows you the space to grow and become the best version of yourself while helping you with the journey hand-in-hand. 

If you think you can find better, take the leap and go do it, girl. After all, you know what they say ‘If you never shoot, you’ll never know!’ 

There’s certainly a roar uprising all over the social media platforms concerning the statement ‘If he wanted to, he would, darling!’ It raises quite a few controversies, biased stigmas, and heavy generalization. 

Anyone on Tiktok probably has the idea behind how this simple phrase has had an impact in their relationships— ‘women are calling out to men and their lack of effort in the relationship.’ More than that, ‘If he wanted to, he would!’ is now becoming famous relationship advice in the dating scene all over the internet. Women are advising other women to ditch men who aren’t putting enough effort in the relationship/situationship.

What are relationship psychologists saying about it? Well, they conclude, “Of course, ‘If he wanted to, he would’ holds a tremendous amount of truth, but it’s not always the case.” Similarly, this pseudo-relationship advice is not valid for every relationship, but, unfortunately, it’s heavily generalized. 

Ask us why? Well, not everything is a case of black and white— not everything is either right or wrong. Romantic relationships are woven with complexities and cannot be ruled by rigid and clear-cut regulations made by men and women alike. 

Why is it not reasonable to generalize the statement ‘If he wanted to, he would.’

Our mindset is trained to call circumstances either ‘right’ or ‘wrong.’ This perception leaves minimum to no space for anything to breathe in between. For instance, we immediately consider a man to be bad or a cheater every time he doesn’t reply to his partner’s text instantly or within a day. 

“He didn’t reply to me back, what might be the reason?” 

To this, you may have heard your best friend saying, “Well, there’s no reason behind it, honey. If he wanted to, he would! You should dump his sorry ass and find a man who actually puts in the effort. He is total bs!” 

This statement sounds rigid, and it leaves no space for a healthy discussion or conclusion. Why cannot there be a reason? We are humans; we all have a reason every time. 

Now, this man mentioned above may really be ignoring you for all we know. But, it would be completely ignorant to consider that ‘his lack of interest’ might be the only reason he didn’t text back. 

Maybe, 

• Someone close to him died. 

• He’s grieving a close death anniversary.

• He is celebrating his parent’s or friends’ anniversary. 

• He’s out and away from the network.

• He’s traveling or hiking away on an adventure where the network is scarce. 

Honestly, I can come up with multiple reasons ‘why he didn’t text back,’ and neither will make me consider that he’s cheating on me or has lost interest in me. 

On a different spectrum, this ‘doubt’ and ‘lack of communication’ indeed lead to your own personal mental issues and self esteem.

• Do you have trust issues? 

• Are you reflecting on your previous relationship pattern with your new boyfriend? 

• Are you carrying any previous relationship baggage? 

• Did your ex-partner cheat you? 

• Are you jealous of your partner’s new friendship

• Do you not communicate enough in the relationship?

However, this is barely a conclusion to the ongoing debate over social media. Because the truth is, we cannot wholly reject the honesty behind ‘If he wanted to, he would.’

Some men really don’t put enough effort into the relationship because they have lost interest or aren’t willing to continue a faithful relationship. This article will show you different ways in which guys asks girls out, and if he’s not doing any of these then this may be why.

Through this article, we’ll talk about all the big stuff,

• What does “Lack of effort” mean in a relationship?

• The history behind the statement. 

• When is the statement ‘If he wanted to, he would’ valid in a relationship?

• ‘When ‘if he wanted to, he would’ statement is invalid in a relationship?

• How to cope with your partner’s lack of effort? 

What’ lack of effort’ women are talking about? 

‘Lack of effort’ can significantly arise in the majority of relationships— whether it’s as old as ‘being married with two kids’, new as an ‘ongoing situationship’ or a ‘first date.’ It’s a challenging space for individuals who pour their heart and soul into the relationship without receiving an ounce of intimacy in return. It’s the bare minimum.

• This person left you on-read for hours. 

• He gives away multiple texting red flags and social media red flags. 

• No contact or sweet exchange for days. 

• There’s no planning of dates— they never seem excited to plan something special. 

• No time for romantic stuff— this significant half of yours isn’t invested in knowing you and taking care of you. 

• They prioritize other relationships over you.

• They don’t start conversations. 

• They are not interested in knowing you. 

• They seem bored or out of interest. 

• Romantic date nights have been switched to casual dinners. 

• Your sex life has lost its libido.
  
  We talk about the bare minimum of a relationships in here.
  

When is the statement ‘If he wanted, he would’ invalid in a relationship? 

It’s not valid if he’s genuinely busy.

Every individual strives to become better and do better in life— your partner is no different. Maybe he isn’t putting in as much effort as he used to because he’s invested in making a fortunate future. 

• Perhaps, your partner is building an empire that demands his dedication and multiple hours of work. 

• Or maybe, he’s busy with family and friends for the time being. 

• He has a busy job and life schedule. 

• He has an individual life away from you and most likely wants to pursue it along with the relationship. 

It’s hard for busy partners to take out as much time as others. Perhaps, he tries to put effort whenever he gets the time to because he genuinely likes you. 

Individuals have come to an awful conclusion regarding the definition of love and relationships— If you are in love, you should spend most of your time with your partner. 

What about the rest of his life?

Please don’t forget that individuals also genuinely like to spend time with their passion, job/business, individuality, family, friends, and solitude.  

At the same time, a relationship cannot work with infrequent interactions. So, what to do in a situation as complex as this? 

First, instead of opting for ‘If he wanted to, he would’— try to talk things out with your partner. Let them know that you are proud of their life choices but that you also miss them. 

Arrange a feasible schedule that will help you and your partner spend more quality time with each other. Please note that there will be many failed dates in this schedule, given your partner’s busy schedule. Have patience!

However, if nothing changes and you are left alone in the relationship— you are better off.

When the relationship suddenly turns upside down.

Have you recently witnessed a sudden change in your relationship— a change that has brought distance between you and your partner? A change where your conversations are getting shorter and dates being scantier? 

There could be many reasons why your boyfriend has taken a road down the hill— they might be going through some changes or significant issues that you might not be aware of. Before you go ahead and conclude the fact that your boyfriend has stopped loving you— regard them with genuine concern. Again, communication can change everything upside down! 

When he’s dealing with mental health

Mental issues can go unnoticed easily, and in fact, individuals unintentionally try to hide their mental damage to seem normal. Happy even! However, if you have noticed a pattern where your boyfriend may be concerned with mental dilemmas, support & comfort him instead of questioning him and his effort. 

In a new relationship, we are mostly unaware of our partner’s emotions and what they might be going through. Reach out to them and ask if they are trying to heal or overcome difficult times. Try to learn the extent of their mental health. 

Individuals are often dulled with depression, anxiety, overthinking, and self-sabotaging behavior when dealing with mental traumas. It’s difficult for them to tend to others’ needs when they cannot carry their own baggage. They probably won’t be able to give you the attention, care, and love you deserve. It’s not because they don’t want to; it’s because they simply cannot. 

It’s your choice to stay with them for support or break things apart if you are not ready to handle their emotional baggage. Please note that it’s completely fine to step away from someone/relationship if you are not ready for that kind of responsibility. Your mental health matters, and if it’s something you cannot/don’t want to repair— that’s alright, too! 

When he needs personal space

Many couples don’t understand the importance of personal space and how it can heal relationships. A relationship void of personal space will inevitably damage more than you can imagine. 

A partner may seek personal space to undo their life, mend relationships, and develop/nurture individuality. A relationship shouldn’t stop individuals from being their own people with their own individuality. If your partner wants some space from the dates, he probably wants to breathe and recollect his life and its major component. 

Asking for space doesn’t indicate that your partner has lost interest in you! Of course, he can text you back and arrange dates, but he wants to stay with himself in solitude for the time being. It’s okay to want and desire solitude!

However, it’s crucial to know why your partner may need space. So, instead of jumping to the ultimate conclusion, ask him why he needs this space. Confronting is always better than speculating.

When is the statement ‘If he wanted to, he would’ valid? 

Have you gone through every single step in the book and still end up with a broken heart? There’s a possibility that you might be your boyfriend’s back-up plan and not genuine love. If you think this may be the case, hold onto the advice ‘if he wanted to, he would’ and move on from the relationship/almost relationship! 

He doesn’t want a relationship and will waste your precious time. 

When he’s free but never free for you

Relationships work on communication, effort, and understanding. Do you think your newfound interest lacks all the three qualities mentioned above? If that’s the case, you shouldn’t be in such a relationship. 

• Do you find your boyfriend posting Instagram stories about his everyday parties and fun ventures? 

• Do you find him online (interacting), but he’s never available to text back? 

• Is he always on the phone when with you? 

• Is he always making plans with his friends but never with you? 

When the pattern remains the same

If you have communicated with your boyfriend about it and the pattern remains the same— you should let go of that relationship. 

When he wants to seem cool and unbothered

Many individuals think it’s cool to remain unbothered in a relationship— to not show whatsoever interest. If your boyfriend is a fan of such high school tactics, let him go! He’s not available for a mature relationship, and it’s not your job to teach him so. 

You deserve a partner who shows love and admiration for you— who communicates and grows with you. 

On a completely different spectrum, some individuals may try to seem unbothered and uncaring to not seem desperate. This can be resolved by communication— let your boyfriend/to-be boyfriend know,

• What do relationship and effort mean to you?

• What do you expect from a relationship?

• Why is it important to be genuine? 

• How you care for genuine and raw emotion! 

That’s not all, it’s necessary to ask questions from your boyfriend to learn their perception and personality. 

How to cope with ‘lack of effort’ in a relationship before concluding ‘if he wanted to, he would.’

There’s a reason why psychologists suggest ‘not to jump to conclusions with insufficient information.’ It can cause havoc to your flourishing relationship and may as well ruin a perfectly healthy situationship. 

It also highly depends on whether you are willing to invest that much time, patience, and understanding in the relationship for it to age like wine. If you are relatively new to the situationship and would rather date someone more stable and present— it’s best to let go of that individual. Always listen to your gut feeling.

Reflect on your thoughts

Before you go ahead and accuse your partner, reflect on your emotions. Are they valid or stem from insecurities and social perception? Individuals may feel unwanted due to loneliness, lack of individuality, jealousy, or past relationship traumas. 

Meditate and try to understand what’s actually the reason behind your state of mind.

Communicate

You would never know the truth behind your partner’s action if you don’t communicate with them openly! Please note, communicate but don’t accuse— accusing them will only lead to arguments, disappointment, and no proper conversation. Relationships are a two-way street and it’s important that one person doesn’t do all the work.

It will be difficult for your partner to open up instantly, especially if they are dealing with depression, mental traumas, body image issues, or other personal concerns. Provide them a safe space and time where they can open up entirely to you! In the meantime, develop a strategy with your partner that can help spark your relationship. 

Draw out a pattern with your partner

If your partner also understands the current state of the relationship and wants to repair it just as willingly, map out a pattern that can help you both. 

• If he is busy, come up with a flexible schedule for both of you.

• If he’s dealing with some personal mental issues that he doesn’t want to discuss— approach the relationship with tenderness and let him know that you understand. 

• If he’s facing body image concerns, let him know how profound you are of his essence, flaws, beauty, and personality. 

These patterns can depend a lot on what your partner is going through! 

Take relationship therapy. 

Sometimes, there’s love but a lack of communication. If you both struggle to communicate correctly, opt for relationship therapy. 

It can be the anchor to your drowning relationship. 

When to end things

Sometimes, things simply don’t work— the reason may or may not be ‘his lack of effort.’ We break things up when the relationship demands too much than what we can offer. 

• Partners can break apart if they are unwilling to invest so much time into the betterment of the relationship. 

• Some might not be patient enough to hold onto the relationship.

• Some may be tired of trying and trying with not much progress. 

• He’s emotionally unavailable

In the end, it’s your decision whether you wish to stay and work together or wish to break things up and find a more stable relationship. Both the options are valid and earnest. Your decision should be yours, and not someone’s who’s screaming ‘if he wanted, he would’ on the internet without knowing anything about you and your partner! Decisions like these affect your entire life, so it’s important to always listen to your gut feeling and what your priority is. Date yourself instead is an important thing to do if you feel like you gave it all into your relationship and it just didn’t work out.

Figuring out how to tell a guy you like him can be a daunting task.

When a simple eye contact can unleash a swarm of butterflies in your gut— be assured you have fallen in love. The unworldly feeling makes you fly high in the sky while your heart drums romantic rhythms; that’s what having a crush feels like— crazy, hysteric, and delusionally romantic.

One-sided infatuation is youthful and rewarding— but it may as well leave you old and gray. We deserve and pursue fulfilling relationships— love that reciprocates. If you have been crushing over your secret sweetheart for quite a long time, perhaps, it’s time that you let him know. 

Whether he accepts or denies your proposal is a judgment you should leave for the latter. Let not the thought of rejection or heartbreak deter you from confessing. Your crush needs to acknowledge your feelings before he can reciprocate— so he must know how you feel and how deep your emotions run for him. 

Without confession, you both may lose a chance at a beautiful relationship. If you are waiting for him to confess his feelings, rethink! 

Men shouldn’t be the only ones constantly confessing; take the reins in your hand and be the one to approach first. 

Suppose you have already decided but are confused about how to confess romantically. In that case, we are here to help you progress with your illicit affairs. 

With that, also learn: 

• When is the right time to tell a guy that you like him?
• How to be ready for his answer? 

What to do when you like a guy? 

When you have a boy crush, keeping him out of your mind is unbelievably difficult. Not thinking about him takes significant effort; even when you succeed, he quickly swims back into your brain. 

Whether in the kitchen making tea for yourself or in the bathroom taking a dump, if you keep daydreaming about this one boy— you have got a crush, cutie. 

If the mere thought of being with him is so dreamy, imagine what it would be like to have that come to reality? For that to happen, you got to confess, babe. 

It’s the bravest and most rewarding choice you will make for yourself— sharing your heart’s content and emotions despite knowing the risks. 

Of course, it doesn’t mean you swarm at his workplace and pour your innocent heart out to someone who’s a stranger to your feelings. Before you confess to him,

• You need to study your heart, 
• Finalize if you really are into him. 
• If he’s just a temporary crush or someone more significant.  

Moving forward, when you finally make your move, ensure you prepare yourself for anything coming your way. Even if he rejects you, there’s always a way to be happy with the most crucial person in your life, yourself. 

“Love yourself first, and everything else falls next in the queue. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.”

— Lucille Ball 

How do you know you really like him? 

Emotions are an essential part of life— what you feel in your heart is what makes you human. When you like a guy, you’re choosing to give him a prominent spot in your heart by cherishing everything about him. 

You’re giving this boy authority over your heart— allowing his actions to affect your emotions. That’s why you must be entirely sure about your feelings for him to save time and avoid overlooking the unlimited opportunities waiting for you. 

Here are ten signs you like him and can’t wait to fetch yourself a date: 

1. You are always lost in his thoughts and imagine lovely scenarios for hours, especially at night when you understand yourself with honest and deep opinions. 

2. You get jealous when he asks other girls out or goes on multiple dates. This feeling makes you sad and angry at the same time. You wish to go on romantic dates with him as well.

3. Your day feels incomplete without talking to him, and you crave his voice all day long. Moreover, you might even feel low on days when you haven’t listened to his charismatic voice. 

4. Have you ever heard that quote, “Three hours feels like three minutes with the right person?” Even when you spend a reasonable amount of time together, it’s not enough for you, and you desire more of his time and attention. 

5. You naturally laugh at every joke he makes and find him extremely humorous. If he makes you laugh out loud by being silly for you, that’s a sign he’s interested too.

6. He is the only person you want to text or call, no matter what happens in your life. It’s normal to not care about anyone else but that ‘special one’ when you have an ongoing crush. 

7. You’re ignoring other guys for him. It’s a sign you don’t want to give other men a chance to win you because your heart currently is only about that “one person.”

8. Thinking about him between romantic songs or a particular music piece reminds you of your unique bond. Sharing songs is a love language, so if he’s showing you his favorite songs or lyrics, he likes you too! 

9. You are always comfortable with him and can’t stop blushing when he’s around. Everything he does or says automatically puts a smile on your face. 

10. When he makes you burst into laughter, you desire to make him smile too and start acting funny to make your cutie laugh with you. 

11. You can’t think of losing him or living a life without him. Even when he’s not your boyfriend, the thought of losing him as a friend is also a nightmare. 

Break the “Guys propose first” stigma 

Unfortunately, we live in a world where people have made it a tradition that guys should make the first move. It’s widely desired that boys come out and propose to a girl when looking to start a relationship. 

But why can’t girls confess their feelings? Why can’t girls get creative and show their courage by coming out to their crush? There’s no shame in telling someone you like them; you don’t have to wait for him to make the first move. Take a step forward and break the stigma. 

It will be challenging, but if it’s easy, who wants it anyway? Be a brave girl and tell him what you feel for him. If you have been wholeheartedly noticing a guy you have a crush on and don’t know how to show it, keep reading! 

How do I tell him I like him? 

Telling a guy what you feel about him doesn’t have to be a straightforward deal, where you show all your cards and expect to hit the jackpot. Instead, you carefully reveal each card as time passes and determine if you have a winning chance. 

Before you convey your feelings through words or direct confrontation, it is better to show them via your actions and observe if he reciprocates the energy. You can give him a sneak peek into your hearty crush by adding a few romantic elements to your day-to-day interactions with him. 

This way, you do not put your heart at risk of rejection and figure out if he’s into you or not before making a move. Here are some cute ways to tell him you like him, according to different timelines: 

Scenario 1: You’ve just met 

Let people vent that you can never fall for someone in one meeting; it’s a big hoax. We absolutely can! Love can happen anywhere, anytime. 

Our hearts are built differently and can start crushing over any attractive person we land eyes on. We are hopeless romantics—we believe in love at first sight.

If you just met an interesting guy, and can’t stop thinking about how he spoke, styled his hair, or looked in your eyes so confidently, cupid has caught you! 

Here are some elegant ways to show him you like him in the early stages: 

Modify simple conversations with him

When you get the chance to talk to him, try not to bury the romance by just nodding your head and throwing a ‘wassup’ at his face. People rarely open up about themselves when they don’t see the effort one must make to have a decent conversation. 

To indicate to him you like him, 

• Show interest in his hobbies: If he usually carries a guitar or cricket bat— ask him how connected he is with his talents and watch him talk passionately. 

If he has a sport coming up, ask him to invite you and actually show up for his event. This simple attentive gesture towards him will easily indicate that you care about his life. 

• Learn what cuisine he enjoys devouring: If you spot him eating food and he waves at you, walk up to him and start a conversation about the dish he’s finishing. Ask him about his favorite restaurants and casually offer to take him out some time. 

You do not have to force this; remember that you’re only hinting at a date and not actually asking for one. If you ask him out and it lights up his face, it is a sign he likes the idea of going out with you. 

In any interactions, you must be a little more attentive and openly show interest in his personality. He’ll notice it, and if he adores these unexpected efforts, it’s time to ask him out on a date! 

Open up to him

Be open and genuine about what you think regarding certain topics in life. Whenever you’re conversing, be more opinionated and show how certain things or situations make you feel. 

When he notices you opening up, he will understand that you are comfortable around him. By doing this, you’re building a mutual comfy space within you and letting him know that everyone can have their own opinions. 

As time moves, he’ll also start opening up to you, and then you can talk about deep feelings, thoughts, and what he thinks of dating. 

Compliment him frequently 

Men act tough and portray they do not need a compliment but believe me, they do. Everyone likes being appreciated and noticed when they put effort into looking their best. 

Besides, compliments do not have to be only about looks— you can also praise him for his brilliant personality, 

• an impressive skill, 
• or some unique thing that you like about him. 

If your crush dresses up decently any day, you shouldn’t hold yourself back from complimenting him. Instead, be the first to praise him for that unique dragon ring on his finger or the perfume he’s wearing. 

Anything that attracts you towards him at that moment, compliment him about it. Say it with honesty, and he’ll surely be amazed. Moreover, it’ll hint that you like him, but still, be suspenseful. 

Praise him whenever he looks smart, does something nice, or helps a needy. Compliments are an act of love and can never go out of style. Make sure you don’t overdo it; keep it simple and real! 

Scenario 2: When things start moving forward

Suppose you have noticed him being interested in you or reciprocating the efforts. In that case, it is an even better time to let him know about your feelings. However, you still want to keep it a secret and entice him. 

Here’s how you can show you like him while also keeping it a mystery: 

Try to be involved in things he likes 

Start getting involved in activities he usually does for entertainment. For instance, if he’s practicing basketball till late when everyone has left the court, you can join in and challenge him for a match. 

You don’t have to change or start forcing yourself to like something he’s interested in. Instead, take things slowly, learn what he’s passionate about, and frequently show interest in those things. 

Another example—If he’s interested in horse riding and you have never done it, you can ask him to take you out and teach you how to ride. That’s how you will start getting close to each other by spending some time doing stuff he likes.

If he starts reaching out to be involved in your interests, it’s a sign he likes you back. 

Do something thoughtful 

You can indicate that you like him by doing something thoughtful to make him feel important. 

For instance, if he likes reading money-management books, you can gift him a book that he’s been wanting to read for a long time. If he mentions that he’s craving a strong coffee, offer to buy him one and ask him out on a coffee date.  

Simply being thoughtful about what he likes or wants is enough to show that you like him. When a good guy notices these efforts, he’d want to treat you the same. 

Drop these one-liners when talking to him 

If you want to entice him for a date while still keeping your crush low-key, use these lines in mid-conversations: 

• I feel amazing to have met you. You make a great addition to my close people list. (He’ll be curious to know where he ranks) 
• UGHH, your smile makes my heart melt. It is so pure and genuine! 
• Don’t make me miss you. 
• I like how you make me burst into laughter so easily. What are you doing to me? 

These one-liners will successfully put you in his mind, and he might keep thinking about you for that whole day. If you follow the before-mentioned steps correctly, there’s also a chance he will fall for you. 

He might even propose to you or ask you out on a date without you having to reveal your crush. 

Scenario 3. It feels like he’s into you as well 

When you’ve known and liked a guy for a long time, and it seems 

that he likes you back— it’s the perfect time to reveal your feelings. In this case, you don’t have to hint at him or keep it a mystery; you can rather speak up about your feelings openly! 

However, before you tell him you like him, you should be prepared for the revelation! This takes us to the most important part of this article— how do I tell him I like him. 

What to prepare before telling him that you like him? 

Now that you are hundred percent sure of your feelings for him, it’s time to prepare for some things before you finally pull off the revelation. These steps are important to ensure you are ready for anything that comes your way, whether it’s rejection or a relationship. 

• Realize that rejection is not a big deal.

It is crucial to understand that rejection is neither a big deal nor will it ever be. Instead, it is much better to get rejected by someone who doesn’t feel the same way about you instead of dating them without a loving connection. 

You are worthy of beautiful things, so don’t forget that there are still tons of men in the world that would worship to get a chance with you. Rejection doesn’t mean you are wrong or unworthy of love; it simply means you’re looking for the wrong person. 

• Be confident while telling him how you feel.

Even if you are nervous or shy, say it confidently with all your heart. Just act like a brave girl ready to accept what he thinks about you. Of course, try not to sound overconfident or loud, but calm and courageous. Pour out your feelings fearlessly. 

• Smile 

While we know how anxious or exciting this could be, just keep a lovely smile throughout the process. Finding a romantic partner is more of a limitless possibility than a one-time approach. 

• Think calmly about how you feel about rejection

It’s good to process things sooner and understand a possible negative outcome so you do not feel embarrassed or bad. You must realize how you feel about rejections and if they really are a big deal. 

Think about what you will do if he rejects you—will you stop talking to him, ignore him, or stay as friends? Whatever you choose after rejection is entirely your decision. If cutting him off will bring you peace— do it. Just don’t be harsh to your heart. 

After all, it should stay confident and attract limitless intimate adventures in the future. 

• Practice what you’re going to say

It is best to practice your “will you be my boyfriend?” speech beforehand to avoid standing blank in front of him. Prepare what and how you will start talking about your confession and then just flow with his responses. 

The correct way of going about this is writing your thoughts down, straight from your heart, and then practice it on your best gal pal before talking to him face to face. 

• Ensure that he is not dating someone else, be it a friend or otherwise

It’s good to ask him about his dating life casually, so you are certain he is single. You should not propose to this guy if he’s already dating a girl. 

Trust me, you don’t want to be stuck in a triangle romance, especially if the guy has sincere feelings for his recent girlfriend. 

After all, you should be kind enough to let a couple fulfill their romantic journey. 

There is always a possibility your boy crush is stuck in a toxic relationship. If that’s the case, choose the right time to confess and save him.

• Do not ask him out in front of a bunch of people.

Right now, you are not proposing to him; you are just telling him how you feel about him. Try to talk about your innocently beautiful feelings in a private space, where you can openly express yourself. Similarly, allow your boy-crush the comfort of secrecy. 

This way, you’d also avoid second-hand embarrassment if he rejects you. People’s reactions might make this a bigger deal than it actually is. 

How to tell him you like him? (In-person)

Here is how you tell a guy you like him: 

Ensure you look your best when speaking with him

You must get well dressed and put on a good-smelling perfume before speaking to him. Trust me; you don’t want to scare him off with your messy hair or regular old clothes. So, make sure to look super nice, comfy, and good-looking. 

Your well-dressed appearance will tell him that you’ve put effort into getting ready for him. 

Be yourself

Be honest about your true self— you do not need to pretend to be someone else in hopes of getting him to like you. Avoid gimmicks if you want to initiate a heart-warming affair with your crush. 

Be genuine; if he adores you for your reality, he’s the perfect candidate for a good boyfriend. 

Don’t try to change yourself for anyone; accept all your flaws or imperfections, and see if he’s worthy of your heart. A good person knows that everyone is beautiful in their own unique ways.

False hopes can never build strong, long-lasting relationships. So, it’s necessary to be real.

Be bold & confident

It takes immense courage to confess your feelings and open your heart to someone. But know that you don’t have to be nervous when looking for your soulmate; instead, be proactive and full of courage. The fear of what will happen will lead you nowhere, so be brave and say it all with your heart. 

Mention some history of your feelings 

When telling him that you like him, you can refer to the time you first felt he was ‘the one’ for you. Remember the instance when you looked at him and realized you were a goner for him. Talk about those memories passionately.

When was the ‘aha’ moment that established your crush? 

• It could be a quiet place like the library; when looking at him, reading a book was more pleasing than eating your favorite snack. 
• Or it could be quirky when you visited a carnival in a group, and he was a little extra careful and attentive to you.  

Say what you like about them the most.

Try to be descriptive about why you like him— mention your favorite qualities in him and how much you appreciate them. 

• Is he generous to the needy? 
• Does he stand out in the crowd because of his athletic personality? 
• Is he intelligent and fair-minded? 

Just talk about what qualities made you fall for him, and he’ll enjoy hearing it.

Talk about how his presence changes your life for the better.

Ever since you’ve met him, have you grown to be more kind, attentive, responsible, productive, and confident? Does his presence in your life affect your way of living in a better way? 

If yes, then talk about it. Tell your crush how his presence in your life has changed you for the better! 

All in all, try to keep this simple, joyful, and honest.

What to do when he responds to your proposal? 

What to remember when he finally speaks his answer to your proposal? 

Case 1: If he says yes to you when you tell him you like him. 

The best feeling in the world is being liked back by the person you have been crushing over. When you confess to a guy about your feelings, and he answers that he likes you back, trust me, nothing is more satisfying than that. 

However, it is necessary to follow these fantastic tips that’ll help you begin a new love chapter in your life. 

• Always communicate

No matter what happens between you two, the most important thing to remember is communication. A small genuine talk can solve many problems that ego-filled silences will ever do. 

• Be honest

Now that you’ve just entered a new relationship— be honest in all circumstances, positive or negative.

• Do not make ‘first approach’ a big deal.

Many couples often start having arguments and fights later in a relationship. Initially, individuals may find it a problem to text or call first. They put more of their thinking into being upset about texting or calling first than spending time with their partner. 

Reaching out to your boyfriend when you miss him should be a cute approach rather than another argument starter. It’s entirely okay to approach your partner first and show them how much you think about them. 

Always remember, it’s pure when it doesn’t feel like a chore. Start texting your partner good morning and goodnight texts too. It doesn’t indicate that you are desperate; it only shows that you are interested. 

• Be willing to work

A relationship sometimes becomes tedious without romance and things. There must come stuff between the two of you; at this time, you must work through this to make your bond deeper. Be the one who’s willing to make everything back happier. 

If he rejects you

If the guy rejects you, learn not to take it personally— take it as a lesson, understand it, and try to move forward. Overthinking will drain you, so resist it for the time being. 

It’s irresponsible to jump to conclusions before actually listening to his answer. Maybe he’s not ready for a relationship now, or he’s confused about his feelings. Whatever may be the reason behind it, leave it there.  

You are too good to wait for someone’s love unless he’s worth the wait. 

Show him your confidence by saying “Thank You.”

Just like you were confident while telling him about your genuine feelings, you should stay convinced even after he rejects you. Remember who you are and what you’re worth. You don’t have to thank him out loud or aggressively; say it nicely, even when sad. 

Don’t take it personally. 

Life will always offer you what you deserve, but one rejection doesn’t mean your love life is over. You don’t have to take anything personally because life is too short to carry all the hatred or sadness in your heart forever. 

Take two or more days to get over him because, girl, trust me, there are already boys who would kill to date you. 

Don’t make him feel sorry.

We are all humans, and there will be rejections, failures, detachments, etc. 

If he doesn’t like you back, respect his decision. It wasn’t his intention to hurt you. Sometimes, connections don’t simply click, and it’s no one’s fault. 

People have the right to choose who they want to love or not— We don’t have control over who we fall for! Understand him and understand yourself.

If he’s your friend, allow yourself space to move on properly before continuing the friendship, anything otherwise will hurt you badly. 

Tell him that you need time to rethink and re-stabilize before continuing the friendship. As a friend, he will understand. 

Before asking for his understanding, understand yourself, your emotions, and feelings— don’t avoid them! 

Don’t retract your words.

You must always stay honest, even when he rejects you. It’s never a good idea to abandon your words to save yourself from heartbreak. It will only restart a cycle of denial and more pain.

“haha, I was just kidding.”

“Or, I was just testing you.” 

Instead, accept your feelings and your rejection too. You don’t have to act differently after he rejects you. Be your true self and face everything like the brave girl you are. 

Move on

Last and the most important step after rejection is to move on. Rejection will help you face reality— 

I know that can be so hurting and sad, but you can’t spend your whole life being heartbroken and sad. Understand things and move on; take your time! 

Signs that he likes you back

Before you go overboard and jump at the first chance to confess to him, it’s always an excellent option to learn if he’s actually interested in you or not without scaring him off. 

Confessing before or after the ‘right timing’ will put you both off. You both must know each other intimately before you commence a proposal. Look for these signs (mentioned below) to ensure his feelings are mutual. 

You talk or chat with him often.

• Do you both talk for hours on hours? 
• Is it still never enough? 
• Does he reply to you with the same enthusiasm, anticipation, and curiosity? 
• Are his replies bland and dry, or is he excited about talking to you?
• Does he ask questions about you and your interests? 
• Does he listen to you keenly when you are talking about something?
• Is he passionate while talking? 

If most of these answers swing his way— you might have found yourself one charming guy. 

Talking is the first stage in any relationship, and from there, you begin making bonds together. Communication is the key, and it should start with honesty and genuine humor. 

Be genuine, but also be your best— talk about yourselves, understand him, and find common grounds. 

You spend a lot of time together, and he enjoys your company.

• He would often ask you to meet or hang out casually. 
• Time would usually fly when being in his presence. 
• He would be closer to you physically and emotionally. 
• He would smile often and look at you. 
• He might also shy away from you. 
• He wouldn’t want this time together with you to end. 

You touch each other frequently while talking or hanging out.

Every touch is different and has a meaning. If he shifts close to you every time you are together, intentionally or unintentionally— the attraction is mutual and uncanny. 

He may touch/hold your hand innocently or brush your hair casually. Mostly the touch is innocent and unintentional— as if their body is naturally inclined to have skin-ship. 

You choose to find each other in the crowd.

When hanging out with mutual friends, you both find your way back to each other— like a universal string pulling you both towards each other. 

Embracing individuality, differences, and common grounds

Having different personalities is nice, and so is having similar common interests. The answer lies somewhere between your willingness to continue despite the difference or similarities. 

If he loves spending time with you despite the differences/similarities— he may be the one! 

• He shows interest in your uniqueness. 
• He’s curious about things despite. 
• He loves to listen to you when you talk about something passionately. 

He looks at you in a way that makes you feel special every time.

You can notice if someone likes you by the way they look at you when you speak. They naturally smile and have glitter in their eyes— their pupils dilate, and their pulse heightens when talking to you.

Bottom line 

Relationships are beautiful when both partners show love, care, and dedication. 

However, a one-sided situationship may never content you— you’d mostly be filled with unhappiness, jealousy, and depression. 

Like I said earlier, love is tough, and it’s essential that you prepare yourself mentally before you tell a guy about your feelings.

Remember that it’s life and you cannot get everything you want. If the guy likes you back, girl— congratulations! 

For when he doesn’t like you back, remember— the universe is probably conspiring for you to find your ‘forever babe’— someone you deserve. So, hold onto that thought!

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” —Lao Tzu. 

Relationships are like tiny buds of flowers that flourish beautifully when pampered with consistent love, care, and devotion. Nonetheless, they may also start growing thorns when not nurtured effectively. 

The lovely thing about relationships is—every connection is unique and precious. Any two individuals getting together can have diverse objectives and intentions for their relationship. 

They can establish their connection on mutual liking and decide on unique relationship goals that work for them both. 

If you’re looking for relationship goals examples, this article presents a relationship goals checklist to help build a solid and steady romantic connection! 

Couple Relationship Goals 

While many couples like getting matching outfits or celebrating a one-month anniversary as a relationship goal, having the same vision as everyone is not necessary. 

Couples’ goals can vary depending on your relationship type—long-distance partners make plans to meet up more often; on the other hand, live-in relationships desire intimacy and compatibility. Moreover, you can also categorize goals for a relationship into short-term or long-term couple goals. 

In any romantic bond, setting relationship goals and working hand-in-hand to achieve them is the most promising way to maintain a healthy and joyful relationship. These relationship goals offer you a light to follow when certain parts of your togetherness appear dark. 

Why do you need to set goals in a relationship? 

Here is why you should set goals for a relationship: 

• Setting goals for relationship delivers an optimistic approach to enhancing your bond. 
• Your relationship gets mature and adventurous when you have plans for the future.
• You start focusing on the excellence of love and togetherness.
• Goals in a relationship ensure you make good decisions for each other’s betterment without being selfish.
• It helps to gain confidence and more transparency in your relationship. 
• Having future plans also ensures you survive unintentional fights and situations by having each other’s back.

There are millions of relationship goals you can pen down to explore a blooming life with your loved one. Love is not only about finding someone perfect; it’s about creating unforgettable moments, digging into surprises, and achieving precious dreams that keep your relationship alive. 

Here are 15+ boyfriend and girlfriend goals you must achieve to make your bond unbreakable and irreplaceable! 

1. The promise of keeping transparency

A relationship is another name for companionship—a promise to walk parallel with matching shoulders irrespective of the storms and silences of life. 

Being honest and open about everything is a top priority on a bf and gf goals list. Afterall, sincere communication solves problems that indefinite silences never can. 

Remember that nobody is born with the ability to speak their heart out; we all open up in warm and cozy surroundings. So be that comforting hug for your partner! 

When you begin feeling comfortable disclosing all your darkest secrets without getting judged, that’s the point of high transparency. Try to reach that point in your relationship, and no storm could ever bring your love down. 

“Despite its dark veins, the transparency of dragonfly’s wings assures me of a pure, innocent world.” Alike, despite challenging days in love, you should always harbor honesty in a relationship.

2. Better Communication

Upkeeping is an essential aspect of a relationship; it’s a sweet gesture of reassurance and consolation. 

Feel free to come up with your concerns in a relationship. Over time, regularly communicating will resolve problems like a piece of cake. When we share better, we start to grow variously as a person, which can positively impact a relationship.

Keep exchanging ideas and discussing life to ensure you know each other’s’ passions and dreams. It would be good to try and open up about your insecurities, so your significant other can understand certain circumstances. 

You will start enhancing your relationship when you are forthright in discussing differences. A relationship’s first goal must be healthy and kind conversations, even on things that are uncomfortable for you both.

3. Pamper them the most on dark days.

A good relationship is like a lighthouse that brightens your world and adds a sense of comfort to your life. Pampering each other on the most challenging phases is the best you can do to strengthen your bond. 

All relationships have good and bad days; as a loving partner, you must stand for them equally in both phases. 

When you only have kind feelings for each other, it provides a relief that there’s one person who has your back. That one person knows how to comfort you, protect you, and love you at your lowest. Real connections are tested more on tough days. 

4. Full of Surprises 

“Our brightest blazes of gladness are commonly kindled by unexpected sparks.” 

Frequently surprising your lover with a date, flowers, chocolates, or even a hand-written love letter will make their heart smile for you. Even if it means going out of your way, make an effort and do a lovely little something for your lover. Show how creative you can get at showering love on them! 

Surprises add a spark to your relationship and enhance it by gifting excitement to all experiences. You must constantly think about creative ways to impress your special one, and don’t forget to tell them you’d like surprises as well.

Relationship surprises can be sweet and funny, like: 

• Write a love note and stick it in the mirror, where they get ready. This will make their morning refreshing.

• Plan a trip to their dream place; this caring act will make them realize how much you want them to be happy.

• Compliment them, praise your partner, and make them feel how beautiful they are inside out.

• Showing up at their workplace to take them out for dinner dates is the best thing to take their stress away.

• Spend your Sundays cooking together. 

5. Make intimacy alive in a relationship.

“Intimacy is a totally different dimension—it is allowing the other to come into you, to see you as you see yourself.” 

—Osho

The secret to satisfactory bonding is having a good laugh, mutual understanding, and intimate physical connections. When it comes to intimacy, most people aren’t sure how to be intimate with their partners. 

Mainly, the reason behind this is the lack of proper communication. Always be communicative about your love language, and mention specific things that appeal to you. 

Intimacy is a love language and is essential to include in your relationship goals checklist. 

• Intimacy is not only about having sex; a warm hug and forehead kisses can also make you feel accepted as you are.

• Intimacy helps you and your partner be faithful without any hesitation. 

• An intimate lover takes away all your life’s stress and offers a cozier place—a homely feeling. 

6. Prioritize quality time together.

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” 

—Leo Buscaglia.

To enlighten your relationship, prioritize spending quality time with each other. This doesn’t only mean going on dates; having a fun time doing something very simple together can also give birth to quality moments. 

Instead of going out, you can plan to decorate your home together, spend an evening gossiping, share childhood memories with a glass of wine, or play your favorite games together—this will make your bond stronger. 

Spending moments of ease with each other will give you a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment in your relationship. 

7. Embrace the differences.

Relationships last longer and, in fact, forever when there’s a strong connection of love. Irrespective of all the variances, we often attract opposites—who come up with many differences in mindsets and ways of living.

Love is about embracing these differences and overcoming all complexities with an optimistic approach. In every relationship, you must tackle dissimilarity with patience and effort. 

8. Anger Management for Bad Temper Birdies!

Try not to speak and maintain distance whenever you are mad at your partner or if they are mad at you. In loud circumstances, sometimes we unintentionally hurt our loved ones to a deeper extent, making us question our relationship. 

Exploiting, screaming, and arguments can make relationships toxic; your relationship goals checklist must have this one—to not respond in an angry state. 

Instead, take a walk in the fresh breeze, think of your situation with a calm mind, and then respond. Learn how to deal when one of you gets a bad temper. 

Keeping these points in your mind will resolve your worries: 

• Try to look at things from their point of view.
• Learn to respect dissimilar opinions.
• Try to calm them down, talk about their issues, and affirm that you are there no matter what. 

Note that these measures are just for minor argumentative incidents, you must never tolerate consistent acts of abusive anger in a relationship. You are not obligated to fix your partner’s anger issues or bad temper. 

If you are in a relationship with an angry person, advise them to try therapy or talk to a professional about it. 

9. The Art of Forgiveness 

“Without forgiveness and love, you will live with resentment, bitterness, malice, and strife, resulting in more pain. You can never love without forgiving.” 

Holding grudges in a relationship makes it difficult to survive; the art of forgiving makes loving peaceful. You can’t love wholeheartedly by carrying painful scars of the past.

The most essential quality in a relationship is to accept and forgive. Forgiveness is vital to maintaining a pleasant and peaceful bond; this is an important element of love.

10. Grow Together.

“Partners who grow together live forever.”

Growing together is paramount in a relationship to make it thrilling and trustworthy; you can help each other learn new skills and explore unique talents.

Trying to grow hand-in-hand will enlighten your chemistry and attract you more towards each other. This is one of the most crucial relationship goals!  

11. Try to hear your partner in their silent agony. 

Some hearts understand each other even in the silence of life. If you have a partner who stays by your side without needing a word, you acquire a power that can shift mountains. 

“Saying nothing sometimes says the most.” 

—Emily Dickinson

You need people who can share comfortable silence, especially when you face your darkest days and it feels challenging to express yourself. You start to look for someone who can understand your sufferings without saying a word.

So try to be that someone for your lover and feel the beauty of silent comfort. 

12. Set some daily relationship goals

Making someone feel exceptional for their existence in your life is precious. Appreciate your partner daily; regularly making their heart happy will increase your love’s longevity and attraction. Every relationship should have daily couple goals to keep happiness and intimacy alive. 

Here are some cute daily goals in a relationship: 

• Morning hug before leaving the house every day. If you are in a long-distance relationship, start your day with morning video calls.
• Surprise your partner with their favorite meal, especially when they are mad at you.
• Ping a lovely text during the day.
• Crack inside jokes to avoid boredom.
• Memic cartoon faces when you both have fights or arguments.
• Send selfies of your ongoing activities; this will make them feel involved. 

13. Firstly, be friends.

“The best relationships start off as a friendship first.” 

Friendship is an affinity that forms a greater understanding and companionship, which is important for a relationship to be lively and cheerful. When couples share a great bond of comfort, they tend to attract each other more and love deeply. 

If you are good friends with each other—it’s a luxury of your relationship; this is rare. If you find it difficult to be friends with your partner, start taking more steps towards comforting each other.

14. Sprinkle Positivity 

“A healthy relationship is one where two people make a deal to love each other with unconditional patience and care.”

The way of communicating in a relationship should be polite and cheerful. Learn to love each other’s differences and value them as fellow beings. Spread only positive vibes!

However, there always comes a time in relationships when couples start to have dissimilarities of thoughts, which eventually turn into arguments. Without positive communication, these disputes may become constant in your relationship, making both feel unwanted. 

Try not to look at debates as a competitor; instead, work together to resolve issues in your relationship. Remind yourself of things you love about your partner when you feel irritated, and improve your relationship’s quality with positivity and extra love.

15. Make time to heal and spa together.

Taking a spa and discussing personal growth together is the best way to eliminate the chaos of love life. Therapies can provide you a lot of comfort and delight in a relationship. 

Who will hinder your life when you choose to heal together in peace? Absolutely no one can. Spending spa time together will benefit your relationship and help it function smoothly.

Healing each other is a love language that says you wanna sweeten your bond and work on it, upgrading your mental and emotional bonding. 

16. Drop comparison off the table 

A relationship should be a safe space for support and appreciation, not a competition ring. When your spouse earns a moment of success, you should learn to celebrate, make them feel special, and avoid getting inferior or jealous.

Don’t allow your complexities to compare and compete—you must make equal efforts to support each other while promoting individual growth. 

17. Prioritize Me Time 

A relationship is a connection where two people share love, care, and happiness. Nonetheless, you will only be successful at loving others when you love yourself. 

It is essential to find your own happiness; you must learn to maintain individuality. The reflection of self-love is an affirmation language in relationships—how happy you are with yourself will be mirrored in the love you offer. 

We often forget to treasure ourselves, which is the most necessary part of a happy life and a successful relationship. When assembling a good relationship with your partner, make sure you don’t forget to celebrate yourself. 

“Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have.” Remember that only the joyful ones can spread joy!

Relationship Milestones Timeline

A couple should always be aware of relationship milestones and celebrate all special days in a relationship. 

Milestones are essential stages of your love life that show how far you’ve come together. Rewarding yourself when crossing a relationship milestone will gear you up for upcoming hurdles and excite you to chase more goals in a relationship. 

Some dating milestones you must applaud: 

Confessing the voice of your heart.

Saying “I love you” to your partner for the first time is any relationship’s most joyous moment. Stepping into the attachment zone and starting a love life is a precious time to celebrate. 

Once you find the love of your life, it’s such a satisfying feeling. The mere feeling of being loved helps us get through so many hard times. Appreciate this point and try to become the best partner for your lover!

First kiss

After entering into a zone of newfound closeness, the first kiss in a relationship comes up with a lot of excitement and thrill for your love life. This is a moment worth praising for a lifetime! 

Kissing your partner connects you both with growing zeal and passion; this makes moments adventurous and memorable. To make this more special, remember the date of your first kiss or maybe tattoo it on your wrist. 

Going on your first trip together.

Planning a week’s trip to a pleasant city and creating lovey-dovey memories together is nothing less than a relationship milestone. A romantic vacation far away from the chaos of your work-life helps you find peace in each other. 

This relationship milestone will help you learn more about each other. When traveling with your other half, your personality will pop out in pretty colors. If you haven’t yet gone on a week trip with your boyfriend/girlfriend, plan one now! 

Confessing of darkest secrets

If you want to strengthen your bond, it is essential to be transparent in your romantic relationship. More likely, it’s courageous to confess the darkest and deepest secrets with your partner. 

Confessions allow you to keep more faith in your partner, making your relationship a comfortable space to discuss unsaid things. Remember, you must never speak about your partner’s personal dilemmas with others, not even your best friend. 

It takes a lot of courage and faith for a person to open up about their insecurities and past trauma or secrets. Never share this with anyone, unless they allow or ask you to. 

Going official on social media.

It’s cute to introduce your new partner to your friends, but making your relationship official on social media is a significant decision. 

Social media has numerous eyes; making a public appearance with your new lover is an influential move. It’s a relatively new trend of celebrating dating milestones. 

Note that showcasing your relationship in front of the world is not mandatory. If you or your partner want to keep it a secret, you should have it that way. 

One Year Relationship Mark 

When you successfully complete one year of togetherness, this calls for a good laugh and thriller party. A one-year relationship milestone is a sign you both can survive the ups and downs of life. 

Celebrate this relationship milestone by throwing a party for your close friends or going on a date to your favorite place! 

Meeting their friends and family.

It’s a significant moment for couples to meet each other’s friends and family. When your partner takes you to their home —it’s a love language of confirmation and faith they have for you. 

This is one of the most crucial long-term relationship milestones!

Bottom Line

Relationship goals pave the right way to a healthy and secure relationship. When you set goals in a relationship, and work hard to achieve them, you’re building a connection that would last years, and may even turn to marriage! 

If you have found the love of your life, these relationship goals will ensure you keep them close to your for a lifetime. So if you do not have couple goals yet, use this relationship goals checklist and enjoy a healthy relationship. 

Learning how to start a conversation with a guy can oftentimes feel intimidating.

Girls, please know, boys aren’t as judgmental as you may think— they aren’t constantly analyzing every text you send over or every sentence you speak. So, breathe and be what you are best at— express what your heart desires to talk about and ask what you genuinely want to know without a pretentious gimmick.  

The anxiety, judgment, and fear of rejection often set us back and away from our love interest! The conversation seemingly starts at an awkward “hi!” and stops at a miserable “Bye.” 

We are constantly trying to be interesting, intellectual, funny, charming, cute, and sharp, but failing miserably. You want to speak every word with utter perfection, whether it justifies your personality or not.  

Trying to force something without nature will probably never work in your favor. A true conversation only needs your genuine and shameless self— unapologetic and unabashed. 

Trust me, your boy crush would enjoy talking to your most authentic self more than some to-be-chic. 

Easier said than done, right? It’s still scary to put yourself out there for judgment and rejection. That being said, starting a conversation itself is quite a do-or-die situation— It definitely feels like one!

You don’t want to seem boring with a simple hi! However, you also don’t know what’s the most exciting conversation starter that will mop your crush’s world. 

I got your back, girl. This article will take you through every hook and crook of “How to start and continue a conversation with a guy you like.”

How to start a conversation with a guy over text?

Texting has become an intrinsic part of today’s dating world, and it’s definitely not a bad thing! It’s no secret that meeting someone in-real-life is bound to get awkward and clumsy. At times like this, online dating serves as a platter of fruitful luck.

However, starting a conversation may sweat your neck. “Hi,” “Hey,” “Hello,” and “How are you?” have become so generic that they go unnoticed heavily. 

Studies suggest that almost 84% of online users don’t respond to “Hi!” at all. In the crowd of all the messages your boy crush receives, a “Hi” doesn’t stand a chance. A generic message wouldn’t allow you to stand out despite your enchanting personality. 

To stand out and start an interesting conversation, a creative and natural conversation starter is a must to catch your crush’s interest. 

How to hold a conversation with a guy? Don’t start with a “one-word answer” question. 

• “How was your day?” Fine.
• “Did you go outside today?” Yes.
• “Did you eat?” No.
• “What are you doing?” Nothing
• “Do you like coffee?” Yes. 

Although some individuals may turn these one-word replies into engaging conversations, others may get disheartened. If you are in the same boat, don’t send one-word reply texts. Moreover, don’t expect a detailed answer to a one-word question either. Instead, ask open-ended questions. For instance, 

1. “What did you do all day long?” 
2. “What was your best experience outside today?
3. “Did you eat sushi again? Why do you like sushi so much?
4. “Between sushi and sex, what would you choose and why?”
5. “How do you like your coffee?”

These open-ended questions will allow intriguing revelations and fascinating change of events. 

How to make conversation with a guy? Read your room and read the man!

It would be futile to talk about astrology with a guy who doesn’t find zodiac signs interesting. There’s always a possibility of different interests and tastes. Read him and whatever there is to him to initiate a more captivating conversation. 

For instance, you can read through his Instagram or tinder bio to know his interest and personality or, perhaps, surf through his IG feed. Posts can tell many stories. 

• If his profile is an entanglement of coffee, nature photography, sunsets, and mountains, you have to talk about traveling, his best city, his best vacation, his adventures, etc. 
• Talk about food & recipes if he posts pictures of dishes. 
• Talk about fashion if you constantly find him well-dressed. On the go, compliment him at the same time! 
• If your boy crush isn’t active on social media, bring that to light. 
• If he’s into poetry— rhythm with him, send him sweet poetry or ask about his favorite author’s work. 

Tinder pretty much gives away your crush’s bio, his likes, dislikes, and hobbies on a platter. Use that information to start the conversation! 

1. “I have been to the Himalayas, too! Where did you click that photo?” 
2. “Enchiladas are the chef’s kisses! Do you have a Mexican restaurant in mind here in Amsterdam? I have been dying to have a proper Mexican meal!”
3. “Mind If you join the adventure?” 
4. “Did you make that dish yourself? Please, oh god, please— tell me the recipes or teach me!”
5. “Okay, Monsieur, I have seen fashion, but where did you get that jacket from? It’s Muah!” 
6. “Tell me all about it— your disinterest in social media; I might have a similar opinion.” 

Truth is, there’s so much to talk about— endless topics to discuss, argue, share, and rant about. You don’t even have to try; it’s literally served on a golden platter of today’s online dating world. 

What to say to a guy you like? Would you mind a compliment?

No, sir, no! Do go ahead and don’t stop! Who doesn’t like compliments, words of endearment, acknowledgment, and appreciation? Certainly, not me and most certainly, not your boy crush either. 

So, start with a genuine compliment. 

1. “I don’t know what I’m more impressed with— your photography skills, your photos, your dedication, or your traveling list.”
2. “I could look at those food photos for hours. How did you learn to cook? They all look so mouth-watering. Food porn, isn’t that what it’s called?”
3. “You are quite the haute chef, sir!” (Haute as in hot)
4. “That jaw is sharper than my counter’s edge.” 
5. “You are very impolite, sir! I happen to like it!”
6. “Your eyes… they change colors, like magic. It’s hypnotizing.”
7. “Forgive me for being so impolite, but you are the most delicious man I have ever seen.”
8. “You sing beautifully. Pure orgasm.”

A compliment will surely bring a smile to his face, and he might as well reply. However, I ask you to refrain from complimenting vaguely or with dullness. Don’t just compliment his looks, but his characteristic charisma. 

• Appreciate his art
• Acknowledge his effort
• Flirty, sexy, and naughty compliments can start a great conversation. 
• Be a little bold with your compliment. 
• Everyone’s appreciating his online image already, be the one to compliment his very core and authentic self. 

How to start a flirty conversation with a boy? Be bold, flirty, daring, and confident.

1. “I would best describe myself as an overly passionate girl who’s definitely interested in you.”

2. “Can we meet again without a coincidence? My apologies, but my heart seems overly interested in knowing you.” 

Shyness would never allow you to speak your heart. If you let shyness rule the conversation, you will turn it into a tragic episode. It would be dull, awkward, and confusing for the guy.  

• Instead, be confident with what you are about to say. 
• Be bold when it’s time to flirt your way into his heart.
• Be a little more daring to text him first. 
• Be confident in your skin and in your essence. 
• Be confident in your existence. 

How to text a guy to start a conversation?

Sometimes, letting go of old-dating rules will do you a significant amount of good. So, break the norms! 

• It’s 2022, and girls are equally likely to make the first move. So, don’t sulk over an unreceived message; instead, be the one to text first. 
• Break the three-day rule, and ask him to meet you again. 
• It’s not offensive to leave a sexy compliment for him. Just be sure to ask for consent first.
• Ask him out if you don’t want to play around the bush and continue online chatter! Direct and to the point. 

Don’t go overboard.

Being confident is one thing, but being too clingy is entirely another. Once you have made the first move, wait for his reply. Allow him the space to think over and come up with an answer before you jump to a conclusion. 

• Don’t text him again and again. He will reply back to you when he’s free to chat. 
• Don’t nag. 
• Don’t allow your ego to stop you from texting. If he hasn’t replied to you in a while and it seems unusual for his personality— ask him before doubting him. 

How to talk to a guy you like? Debate your way into his heart

Yes, you heard it! You have to agree; debating and arguing develop a weird and intense tension between two people. 

The tension literally burns the room, and all that’s left behind is you and your counter-attacking boy crush. Take it from me; I date every guy who surpasses me in an argument. It’s infuriating but also kind of hot!

So, this time, attack him with an intriguing debate instead of sugar-coating your text. 

1. “I think instant coffee is just as good as freshly-brewed coffee. I don’t see much difference.” 

If he’s a coffee aficionado, he will lose his shit and have multiple arguments ready for you. That’s what romance needs to bloom— furious tension, uncontrollable emotions, and hidden attraction. 

2. “No way summer is better than winter. Winter rules!” 
3. “Social media isn’t as bad as you may think.”
4. “Between introverts and extroverts— introverts are bound to win when it comes to creativity.”
5. “No, I think pineapple is fine with pizzas. In fact, it’s all the more delicious.” 
6. “Peaky blinder and money heist suck. Bite me.”

The cute banter and his defense will woo your heart. Boys are cute when they argue and fail/win. These debates don’t necessarily have to be something you strongly believe in— They simply need to trigger his angry pout. 

Debates would maintain an exhilarated conversational flow— which is accurate and full of emotions. Through these arguments, you would also get to know your crush’s beliefs and ideology. 

Don’t stop yourself at hilarious banters. Once you are both comfortable, you can discuss more complex topics to learn from each other and understand each other’s personalities. For instance, discuss feminism, legalizing weed, prostitution, polygamy, etc. 

How to continue a conversation with a guy you like? Find common ground, similar interests, and hobbies. 

While debating will increase tension between you two, finding common interests and hobbies will connect you both emotionally. 

1. “Wow, you seem to love Freddie Mercury! Have you listened to ‘Somebody to Love?'” It’s a masterpiece. 
2. “I’m into classical music, too. We should definitely try singing together sometimes or start a band together.”
3. “I have been planning to go on a cultural voyage in Asia. Can you suggest a good itinerary of the continent?
4. “Dark chocolate slays! Tell me about it.” 
5. “Here’s a song you would love, love, and love!”
6. “I absolutely love Suga. You got to listen to Daechwita.”
7. “Your cutlery collection is muah!” Where did you get all these antiques from?”

Your boy crush would love to discuss something he’s passionate about! So, dig the dug and get juicy details on his likes and dislikes. 

How to have a conversation with a guy? Sometimes, being random and weird is good.

It’s always “Hi, I love your profile.” and never “Do I look like a koala bear?” 

I always say it’s better to be weirdly fascinating than boringly mediocre. So, embrace your weird self and introduce that very personality to your boy crush. 

A random question has more chances of starting an interesting conversation than a numb “Hi.” So, be as weird as your character allows you to be, and he might dig that persona more than you may think. 

1. “Who would you rather be— Trump or homeless? 
2. “How would you like to die?”
3. “If you had to escape prison, what would be your master plan?”
4. “Do you think you can escape prison?”
5. “religion or science?”
6. What’s the pettiest thing you have ever done in your life?”
7. “Who is sexier— Sherlock or Damon from TVD?”
8. “What’s the weirdest sex you ever had?”
9. “Villains or heroes?”
10. “Dogs or cats?”
11. “Do you think aliens exist?”
12. “What do you think happens after death?”
13. “Let’s invent the time machine and travel to outer space.”
14. “What planet best defines you— the lost and cold Pluto or the diamond Jupiter? 
15. “What animal best defines you?”
16. “On a scale of 1-10, how dumb do you think humans are?”
17. “Rate your intelligence on a scale of 1-10.”
18. “If you had to execute a robbery, how would you do it?”
19. “What was worse— money heist or Peaky blinders?”
20. “Slow dance or drunk dance?” 
21. Do you think I can be the next president?”

Random conversations without a direction may also help you lead the way to his heart; you never know. In fact, random questions are considered one of the best conversation starters. Collect all your random thoughts and questions and swiftly slide them into your crush’s inbox. 

1. “Whenever I’m drunk, I always pretend to fly. Do you think I can fly, too?”
2. “If I could fly, I would have taken you for a great ride. Would you mind joining me?” 
3. “I had a weird morning dream today. It was horrifying, filled with ghosts, eariness, and silence. Somebody kept following me, and I ran and ran. When I reached home, I couldn’t get inside. The mysterious ghost was so close to me that I could feel him behind me. I found its fingers on my back, and then I woke up. I had goosebumps and sweat all over my body when I woke up. Do you think ghosts are real?”
4. “Would you go to a haunted house alone?”
5. “Do you believe in ghosts, evils, and god?”
6. “Do you think black magic exists?” 
7. “Did your speedo ever get stuck in your ass in public?” How did you get out of it? Lmao. 
8. “Who do you think are more intelligent— girls or boys?”
9. “On a dark rainy day, what would you do— would you sit inside and watch the rain or go outside and get drenched?”
10. “Morning or night?” 

It doesn’t only have to be questions. Send him over your weird, random thoughts, too. He would absolutely admire you for being bold and open and will also respond with the same enthusiasm. 

How to start a convo with a guy? Give and take recommendations.

Individuals love to give suggestions, life lessons, and recommendations— sharing our wisdom is human essence. Use this opportunity to offer a fine collection of your taste and knowledge. Simultaneously, ask for his recommendations, and you may spark a beautiful conversation on the go. 

• Share music, art, books, novels, poetry, and random facts.
• You can ask him for a good restaurant, a serene library, an excellent place to visit, movies, series, youtube vlogs, etc. 

There are limitless suggestions to take and give, trust me! 

1. “You might like this book; the genre is philosophy.” (The storm by Khalil Gibran) 
2. “Listen to this masterpiece; you will be damned.” (Thunderstruck by 2cellos)
3. “This series will explode your brain.” (Dark, the german series by Baran DDo Odar and Jantje Friese.)

Once they go through your recommendations— a detailed discussion is undoubtedly on your way, especially if you recommend the series Dark. Its story will make him lose his mind. Recommend, sit back, and smile when he returns bewildered. 

Use Social Media in your favor. 

Thanks to social media, you have endless means to contact a guy and start a conversation without ever saying much in return. There’s Snapchat, Instagram, and of course, Twitter (For our highly opinionated doodles) 

Starting a conversation has become as easy as sending a meme or a snap. So, why lose the opportunity? 

Send a meme, and let the fun begin. 

Presently, literally, everyone enjoys sharing and receiving memes. It’s hilarious and stimulating. If you both share a similar sense of humor, the trail of messages may never end! 

Send a snap and continue the streak. 

Snapchat is a unique social media platform— it allows you to communicate through pictures. You can send a photo of yourself, a picture of your surroundings, your pet, the party you are at, or anything around you worth clicking— and the streak will begin. 

Leave comments on his profile.

Compliment him on his recent photo or ask about the location of his current travel voyage. Individuals may or may not look at their inboxes but often reply to comments. 

So, be genuine and crafty when leaving a comment;

1. “Love the way you smile.”
2. “Those dance moves are sleek.”
3. “Where is this place? It looks great!” 

Reply to his stories/snap.

Engage with him on social media! Don’t play the pretend game and leave his stories unnoticed. You must show genuine interest in his life and not allow ego to stop you from trying. 

Please know, replying to his stories isn’t a desperate move; it shows interest! 

What to talk about with a guy? Talk about his interests.

Showing genuine interest in his life will naturally attract your boy crush towards you. Plus, he would actually enjoy talking about his passion.

• Ask him about his pet(s). 
• Passionately talk about his passion, whatever it may be. He can be a rookie musician, a part-time magician, someone with great handwriting, someone who creates art, his selection in food, music etc., etc. 
• Pay attention to the details he tells you. You remembering them will bloom his heart. 
• Be aware of his emotions and ask about his health and whereabouts. (Don’t cross the boundaries, though.)
• Be compassionate and appreciative. 
• If he has tattoos, ask about the story behind them. 
• Be curious about his childhood.

Simple and straightforward is good, infact, excellent. 

Use the environment around you— every corner has a story to reveal and a conversation to start. The cloudy weather around you or perhaps the indoor plant that doesn’t want to live. It can be literally anything. 

1. “The weather is nostalgic, isn’t it?
2. “My day was surprisingly hilarious; how was yours? I hope you didn’t spill coffee over your customer like me. 
3. “My coffee is awful. Do you have a better cafe to recommend?”
4. “What should I eat today?”
5. “Do you want to have ramen? I know a great place. (If you know, you know)
6. “Do you like sushi?”
7. “What’s your go-to food?” 

Your conversations don’t always need to include serious discussions; they can be as breezy and as light-weighted. You can rant about your daily mishaps for all anybody cares, and it would still be fun! 

Go old-school

Introduce yourself like the good-old millennial you are! Old-school doesn’t limit to millennials— don’t stop yourself from taking the chance. 

1. “Hi, I’m Laila. We met at the library. Your book suggestions were great! Can we meet again over a cup of tea for some more novel revelations?”

2. “Hi there, we exchanged numbers at the puppy cafe near Busan. Just here to talk to you again.” 

Use an inside joke or reference the previous encounter. 

Have you shared silly jokes and moments with your boy crush when you first met him? Use it to break the ice. 

1. “Your coffee spill was epic! Did you get the stain off your shirt?”
2. “How’s the ass? I mean, you fell hysterically when we first met; I was concerned.” *add wink*
3. “It was totally your fault why we were thrown out of that library. I wasn’t the one laughing out loud; you were!” 
4. “Joe told me you had an interview— how’s the new company?” 
5. “That book you recommended was lit! I still have goosebumps!”
6. “Oh my god! Jonas is actually Adam!?” (Reference to the German series Dark) 

Even if you have the most minor history with this certain guy, use it! He wouldn’t mind talking to someone he’s already met! 

Good-old memories never die.

1. “I can’t believe you are the same guy I kicked in high school. My apologies!”
2. “You are still cute to me. I don’t know why girls find you intimidating.”
3. “You have grown beautifully. I see abs. I call dibs.” 

If you both share a history together, things will get easier for you. 

Talk about mutual friends.

1. “I can’t believe you are friends with Michael. Here I thought we were into sane people. Miserably wrong at that”

2. “Martha tells me you go to the same gym. We should definitely work out together!.”

Being friends with his friends directly gains you his trust and kinship, especially if that friend is his best friend. Discuss and reference your friend to grab his attention. 

How to build confidence to talk to your crush?

“Remember, Rejection isn’t the end game.” 

If you think there’s not a human who has ever been rejected, think again! Rejection is a crucial part of our lives— it redirects us to something better, something worth our time. 

There are going to be men who may not find you interesting enough, but it’s also sure that there are men who will love your very existence. So, accept rejection and move on to the next sexy man you come across. 

There are only 3.9 billion men on earth— a few rejections may help you find the best one amongst them. Trust me, even the most charismatic people get rejected, not once, twice, or thrice— but more than a hundred times. 

The fear of rejection will never allow you to attempt; it may also make you lose a chance at a beautiful relationship. So, take the first step! 

“Rejection is always better than regret.” 

“Their Judgment doesn’t define you.”

Judgment often stems from one’s own shortcomings. They judge you because they cannot judge themselves. 

“It’s not you… it’s them.” As mainstream as it may sound, their judgment circles around their own perspective, not yours. Let the world be; at least, don’t judge yourself. You are beautiful, charismatic, sexy, intelligent, and unique in your own ways— find your values. 

Develop a sense of worthiness and know any man would be blessed to have you! 

• Continue to grow as a person
• Learn from your past relationships
• Recall your personality and make changes that seem suitable for you (not for them) 
• Take criticism with a positive attitude. 
• Don’t allow judgment to get to you. 

Instead of fearing judgment, invest energy in rebuilding and rediscovering yourself. 

Don’t overthink about texting him.

Texting first isn’t a crime! While calling after certain hours (midnight) should be illegal, the same is not the case with texting. You can text at any hour, and it won’t disturb the receiver much unless you decide to bombard them with multiple messages. 

They will reply to you when ready/available/accessible. I consider texting during non-office hours quite romantic. For instance, when you receive a text at midnight— there’s a different aura and feel behind that same message. 

1. “The moon is beautiful at this hour. Are you looking at it, too?”
2. “This night reminds me of our first encounter. It’s just as breezy and pretty as it was that night.”
3. “Midnight is the perfect hour to start a calm conversation, care to join me?” 
4. “I’m most definitely a nyctophile, what about you? Do you like the starry sky too, calm and vivid? Please, don’t tell me you prefer the Sun over the moon! 

Do’s and don’ts of texting.

• Don’t constantly text, especially when he’s not available online. 
• Allow him space to get back to you if he has mentioned so. 
• Don’t hesitate to check up on him if you think something’s wrong. 
• Don’t jump to conclusions if he doesn’t reply to you immediately.
• Don’t talk about stuff that he isn’t enthusiastic about.
• Allow the conversation to be a combination of questions, answers, discussions, teasing, and flirting.
• Don’t ask too many questions continuously. Allow every conversation to flow smoothly and then jump to the next question. 
• Allow the conversation to be light and fun initially. Don’t inflict heavy topics in the start. 
• Don’t just talk about yourself, but be attentive and curious to listen to him. 
• Learn texting red flags. 

Learn if he’s interested in you or doesn’t want a relationship at the moment here. 

Wrapping up

“You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”

The initial restlessness is worth every sweat once you receive your crush’s much-awaited reply. However, don’t burn yourself down with anxiety and overthinking. 

No matter how dreadful the situation may seem given all the overthinking— it’s not a life or death situation. It’s not even a percent of what you are making it to be— so breathe and take the first step, the rest will be history.