I have been a writer for over 25 years, exploring wordplay in creative writing by experimenting with poetry, prose, short stories, operas, essays, some novel work, music, etc.
I have always loved how magical, shocking, and sometimes unexpected imagination can be. I love where it can take us, challenge us, and shape us.
For a long time, I wrote solely for myself. About 13-14 years ago I started working on more whimsical writing with the use of poetry and prose, and then a few months later I had a traumatic experience that flipped my world upside down.
I then began using writing as a form of therapy to process what I had experienced and what it had done to me. As a result of the incident,
I began to experience a lot of fear that told me I could not go and do. I knew that I could not allow this feeling to consume me. I started going out to dinner, out to bars and even traveling abroad by myself.
While out on these solo adventures I would often write, as well as engage in conversation with those around me. This allowed me to conquer my fear and anxiety and now it's my favorite thing to do!
I am fascinated by how people think and how they see the world. Around that same time, I met a co-worker who became my writing mentor and introduced me to a writers’ group that she ran.
The group was filled with mostly experienced and published writers in the genres of Creative Non-Fiction, Poetry, Fantasy, and Screenplay writing.
This was the community I so desperately needed at that time in my life - they inspired me to find my voice. Throughout the process of blossoming and healing, they taught me that I have a gift and that my voice is something that needs to be shared. I channeled my rediscovered voice into writing a series of experimental, explorative, and expressive compositions that I compiled to
form my first book.
French Door to Foyer is a collection of pieces that I wrote during that period in my life of processing trauma, challenging myself to overcome that hardship, and finally allowing myself to see the magic of the world around me. I chose the title of my book as a play on words for going through something and entering a new and exciting place.
The three main sections follow this theme: Observational, Internal Dialogue and Imaginative Adventure.
The idea is that of a person peering through glass French doors as a way of observing; stepping into the foyer signifies entering something new; and exiting the room signifies embarking on new adventures.
When I decided, many years after I completed the book, to find an editor/proofreader and pursue publishing, I knew I wanted this book to be the first one I published.
This was the work that reignited my passion for writing and showed me that this is what I want to do with my life.
You can grab a copy of this beautiful book on Amazon HERE:
Today I turn 24.
And I can honestly say, it was one of the most transformative years of my life.
I became documented after being undocumented for 16 years.
I've grown my busiessness more in the past 3 months than I have in the past year.
And I've had the privilege to met and speak with some of the most awesome women you could ever imagine.
It hasn't been easy - but I've learned a couple things along the way.
Here are the 24 lessons I've learned on my 24th birthday.
- No job will ever be worth your mental health.
- You can't lose if you don't quit
- Traveling is a privilege. The money will come back but the experiences won't.
- Your story is what makes you, you. Stop feeling ashamed about it.
- Creating a personal brand is a never ending money making machine.
- If you don't have confidence, you don't have anything.
- Don't take advice from someone whose life you don't want.
- An apology is better than an excuse.
- It's never too late to start
- People will always have negative assumptions of you. Prove them wrong.
- Entrepreneurship is hard, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.
- Comparing yourself to others is pointless.
- How you take care of your body is a direct reflection of how you take care of you
- Mindset is everything. Believe you can do it and the universe will do it's thing.
- You'll forever be miserable if you keep worrying about what people think.
- Learning how to make decisions in 24 hours will change your life.
- Female friendships are extremely valuable. Stop being a “bros” girl.
- Drop the ego. Always hang out with people that are smarter than you. You will learn so much.
- Being single is a blessing, trust that the right partner will come when it's meant to.
- You already have everything within you to change your life.
- When everyone is going right that's when you go left.
- There's nothing wrong with being overly ambitious.
- Calladita no te vez mas bonita, speak up.
- Be scared, but do it anyway.
Thank you guys so much for all the support and being part of this community.
I only hope to bring more beauty in it than ever before. Here's to 24.
To the Woman Who Feels Alone
You put on the smile like the nice girl who still lives inside of you was taught should always shine. You have the conversations and mind your manners. You show interest and smile, smile, smile.
You try your best to be the girl who gets along, who is seen, who is invited to the table.
Still, somehow, you’re always on the outskirts. You’re the one who has a seat at the table but just barely, squeezed on the end in the chair that doesn’t match. You’re the one who is invited as an afterthought or talked to out of obligation. You’re the one who asks about their weekend, but they never ask about yours. You’re the one who doesn’t have the big friend group, who watches the movies with the girls’ trips and wonders why that can’t be you. Your friendship bracelet is a solo venture–there’s never been anyone to give your second one to.
And you tell yourself it’s okay. You’re fine standing on your own. You’re okay being the “weird one,” or the one that no one likes. But inside, sometimes, you feel so isolated that it’s hard to feel okay with who you are.
For a while, you tried to figure it out. Why was it always you on the outskirts? Why didn’t they ever gravitate to you? Why were you the one they talked to but didn’t know? The one doing big things but when you turn around, no one even sees?
You tried to fix it. You tried to dress to fit in. You tried to censor the stories you told, tried to like the things they liked. You tried to be the one to give, give, give, hoping they’d see that.
But to the woman who feels alone, who is an outsider, who is always on the fringes at school, at work, at the party, in life–I want to say: We see you.
I say we because even though it doesn’t feel like it, there is a tribe of us. A plethora of girls who felt isolated and have now grown up to be women who feel the same. A group who were told to be nice to make friends–so we did the first part only to be disappointed that the second part never happened.
We see you because even though we’re smiling and even though on social media, you think we’re popular, we feel distant, isolated, invisible most days.
“How does that help?” you ask as you face another day sitting alone, being alone, having so many surface-level acquaintances but never friends. But I want to leave you with four thoughts.
- I know it’s hard, I do, but the thing is, even though you feel alone: You’re NOT alone. It’s like that lovely quote at the end of the movie P.S. I Love You where Holly’s mom reminds her that if everyone’s alone, then you’re all together in that.
- There are so many people who appreciate you, who notice you, and who genuinely like you even if they don’t say it. Some people are just too embarrassed, too focused on themselves, or just too stubborn to admit it. You have an impact just by being you. Never forget that, even in the lonely moments.
- Sometimes the trauma of our past convinces us that our perception is true. I’m not saying you’re imagining it. But a question that helps is: “How do you know?” How do you know they don’t like you? Are you projecting your fears onto others? Have you just assumed your perception is true? It can be really hard, I know, to do some self-reflecting. It can be difficult to not assume the worst of others. But sometimes our past experiences tarnish present possibilities. Do some digging to see how your past is perhaps influencing your view of the present.
- If you consider all of that and still feel the same, I want to leave you with this: You are worthy. You are amazing. You matter.
Even if others around you don’t seem to see or appreciate you. Even if you feel like you’re invisible. Even if you feel like you never have a seat at the table–you have a seat at the bigger table, the world’s table. As my favorite poet Walt Whitman says in a nod to Shakespeare, “That the powerful play goes on/And you may contribute a verse.” You have a role to play. You matter so much.
So own who you are. Don’t try to change to get a better seat or more applause.
Validate your own worth, and stop worrying about what others think of you.
Yes, it can be a lonely road sometimes. But do you know what? You are strong, you are smart, and you are capable of walking the road alone sometimes if you have to. You are capable of loving yourself so much that you don’t need to be given a seat at the table–you’ll make your own if you have to.
I truly believe that when you master these concepts, especially the last one, you’ll stop letting others put you in the corner. You’ll master your own path, your own worth. You’ll walk with your head held high, not to demand attention but to relish in the fact that you don’t need others to give worth to your existence or who you are.
And that, my friend, is when you’ll start to attract the people who were actually meant to be your friends. That’s when you’ll find that others like you gravitate to you and connect with you on a real level. That’s when you’ll find your own table.
To the woman who feels alone–I know it’s hard. But keep your chin up. Keep moving forward. And know that the people who are meant for you, who get you, who appreciate you, will find you when you are owning exactly who you are.
I feel much more comfortable in my body when I have to work to button my pants than when I have to keep my string bikini from sliding off my hips. It feels odd and very radical, but it’s true. Clothes fit in a more appealing way and I actually have cleavage; I feel fully feminine and especially strong. I also feel relaxed and have a much easier time falling asleep at night. Rest comes easily. And so does pleasure. Cuddling and sex and the gentle intimacy of quality time feel wholly satisfactory with fuller hips, a round belly, and soft arms. Alone time in the creature comforts of singledom feels less harsh too. Soft life seems like the best life-- until I have to face the public.
Ask any millennial woman about body image and their relationship with food and I guarantee that every single one of them would say something along the lines of “it’s been a journey” or "it's complicated." Even those of us who have done the work and who are at peace with ourselves occasionally slip back into a neurosis when a familiar item or size no longer fits, or someone makes an unsolicited comment about our bodies. We grew up with painfully thin female celebrities in baby tee shirts and hip hugging low-rise jeans that gave anyone with the slightest bit of softness the dreaded muffin top. And if women dared to bare anything other than tone and bone they were eviscerated by tabloid journalists, morning radio hosts, comedians, magazine covers, and too often the broadcasters on the local news. We were told that a cup of skim milk, half a cup of cereal with freeze-dried fruit was a complete meal for a grown woman. I have heard stories from women who when they were as young as 9 were put on starvation diets by their own mothers despite being healthy, active children. Children. “Children” as in fledgling humans who are still very much growing and need nutrients to do so. Honestly, I would be surprised if a woman who came of age during the aughts did not wrestle with disordered eating at some point in their life. I know I still do from time to time, subconsciously restricting when I'm sad or feeling uncertain, and sometimes intentionally when I feel rejected or criticized as a sort of punishment for existing; whether they realize it or not, people are kinder and friendlier to me when I am thinner.
In that hypothetical survey of millennial women, my personal relationship with food and my body has “been a journey.” I have been a size queen my entire adult life, with a range from a US 14 at my largest the beginning of freshman year in college to a size 4, the smallest my wide hips and strong, 5'9'' frame will healthily allow. I am on the smaller side most of the time due to the athleticism of my work, but naturally tend to put on a bit of weight during the summer and early fall that I shiver away during the winter. And I am very much at peace with all of this, even while being in the public eye sometimes. But every handful of years I'll put on a very noticeable amount of weight about which folks cannot help but to comment. Last year was one of those years. It was an especially stressful spring and summer with loss of communities, the ends of friendships, and the deaths of loved ones, and we all know how cortisol works; I put on at least 25 pounds by Christmas. The last time I put on almost that amount of weight from stress I became distraught by usually friendly clients suddenly turning cold and sharp-tongued and unsolicited comments about my eating habits from coworkers; I became hyper-aware of my clothing tightening on my softening frame. I dropped the extra weight and then some as quickly as possible and was at a size 4 by Valentine's Day.
But this time I took most of the unsolicited comments about my body in stride; most were compliments in this wonderful age of body acceptance– except for the one from a colleague who straight up called me “fat.” I later confronted them about it and we had a heart-to-heart about body dysphoria and the internalized shame and fat phobia of our generation; he's a millennial too. I hate to sound like one of those old-timers, but kids today have no idea how good they have it. Fashion is far more inclusive and accepting; the concept of body neutrality would have blown tweenaged-me's mind. And there are also plenty of adults like myself who survived widely accepted and explicitly fatphobic messages during childhood and puberty who model how to openly love and nourish and celebrate our bodies as they are, even when they change without warning.
Though I felt good and very comfortable with the weight I gained last year, and my the person I was seeing couldn't get enough of it, I got sick. I began to feel nauseated often, and at one point it was all day, everyday. Everything made me feel like I had to vomit, and sometimes I would. And those 25-30 pounds began to fall away, along with my confidence– and the person I was dating. I did not lose too much of my muscle, but was definitely too weak to perform safely for at least a month. I still feel nauseated a lot of the time, I even got a little queasy while writing this. I don't know what's causing it, but have been working with doctors to find out. I've been forcing myself to eat through the nausea so as to not completely waste away; yesterday I looked in the mirror and was glad to see that my face looked less paper-like.
I still celebrate my body, wearing audacious push-up bikinis, the ubiquitous variety of crop tops, and cute, cozy lounge wear that make me feel extra girly. But as I lie in bed at night trying to fall asleep or in the wee hours while trying to fall back asleep, I remember how much easier it was with soft arms, fuller hips, and a rounded belly to find peace in the night and to feel comfort in the day.
While light from the sunrise started to seep into my window, I quickly scrambled to gather old crayons and Sparknotes. I was a seventh grader racing to complete my project--due just a few hours after I started--on The Pearl, by John Steinbeck. The reason I recall this particular morning vividly is that it perfectly exemplifies my history of procrastination. From middle school book projects to my Undergraduate Mathematics Seminar in my junior year of college, I felt physically incapable of mustering up the discipline to work on tasks as they were assigned. Only the cortisol-inducing pressure of a rapidly approaching deadline could motivate me to start chipping away at my responsibilities. Upon the end of my first semester of senior year at university, I realized that something needed to change--and by my second semester, I had actually successfully stopped.
Spending six or more years in a bad habit and coming out of it within a semester is hard, but not as difficult as it sounds. Even though I only realized this while my undergraduate journey came to a close, I aspire to assist current students with starting assignments when they are assigned. By discussing a study and then telling my own story, I will paint a picture of how knowing why you procrastinate is key to ridding the bad habit.
I used to say “I procrastinate because I am lazy.” How could I not be? If I had a month to do a project but refused to get started until the due date, then I must have been too lazy to begin my work on earlier days--right? Not necessarily.
Immediately ascribing procrastination to laziness is often a copout; there are numerous reasons that students treat the due date like the “do date.” In fact, a 2013 journal article by Carola Grunschel, Justine Patrzek, and Stefan Fries in the European Journal of Psychology of Education cites nine categories for reasons to procrastinate: internal reasons (such as anxiety and frustration), mental and physical states (such as burnout and sickness), cognitive (rumination), personal beliefs (such as believing that work needs to be perfect or that everything will work out in the end anyway), personality (such as low self-esteem), competences (lack of study skills, self-regulation, or organization), previous learning experiences (such as negative experiences and learned behavior), perceived task characteristics (such as thinking the work is not urgent or not interesting), and external reasons (such as too many exams and disorganized lecturers). Finding out why one procrastinates is the first step to beating it.
I personally held different reasons for procrastinating in middle school, high school, earlier college, and later college. In middle school and earlier college, I figured that I still achieved the grades I wanted when I procrastinated; in turn, I thought “if I don’t need to work on my assignment a little every day, then why should I?” I forwent the fact that I still should have been building good habits that would serve me later. In high school, I clung to limiting beliefs--like the false notion that since only people more intelligent than myself were in my courses, I was not going to perform well even if I did try hard and even if I did not procrastinate.
In later college, I procrastinated because of despising the idea of not immediately knowing how to do something. Starting my assignments on time reminded me that I did not know how to approach them, which stressed me out more. When I procrastinated, I felt that I at least had the time pressure to override the feeling of incompetence. For reference, I switched my major from Mathematics and Economics to Mathematics and Computer Science, because I decided I would rather work in the tech sector than the financial sector. Although I generally performed well in Mathematics, I felt Computer Science was far more difficult. This clashed with what many people told me when I discussed my major-switch. I would always hear “If you can do Math, you can definitely do Computer Science!” I did not feel this way. To me, my first ever programming course, the easiest one I would have to take, felt more difficult and time-consuming than my hardest Economics upper-division course--the hardest Economics class I would have had to take.
I had some wise high school friends tell me that pursuing the Computer Science major was more about resilience and tenacity than about innate intelligence. I also got an Engineering internship and a Product Management internship in the summer and fall before and of my senior year, and mentors from those experiences confirmed the same thing. Only after I finally placed that my procrastination was about my pride and my hating the idea of feeling like I did not know how to do something, I internalized and followed these people’s advice. I finally understood where the people who told me “if you can do Math, you can do Computer Science” were coming from. I had not felt incompetent in Math, since I had been doing it for years--but I had felt incompetent in Computer Science, since I had not been doing it for years. Instead of aiming to “solve my procrastination,” I aimed to solve my feelings of incompetence--and the only way to solve incompetence is to tackle the material and practice. In turn, focusing on the root of my procrastination equipped me with the wake up call that I must swallow my pride and must become okay with seeing myself not instantly know how to do things.
Once I became okay with seeing myself be incompetent, I saw no point in starting assignments late. After all, the only way to gain competence in the subject matter of the assignment was to familiarize myself with the assignment and to give myself ample time to work on it. Curbing my stubbornness to not want to see myself not knowing how to do something killed two birds with one stone--it erased my bad habit, but it also taught me the important lesson that a lot of mini-failures will help me avoid larger, more impactful failures. Sure, spending two hours to code something that ended up having fifty bugs was a blow to my self esteem at first--but it was better to experience that for weeks and then finally ace the final programming project than it was to temporarily run away from the feeling of incompetence but then perform poorly in the end. Of course, while my procrastination was caused by hating to see myself mess up, everyone has different reasons for procrastination--and your story in ending your procrastination may look different than mine. Ultimately though, the moral of my own journey is to identify your own reasons for procrastinating, and to fight those reasons at the root.
I urge you to take a look at the journal article I mentioned above. Comb through the categories and reasons for procrastinating, find the ones with which you identify, and start making a plan to tackle those. Procrastination is always a result of something, and you will find it far more effective to fight what creates that result rather than attempting to fight the result all by itself. You can train yourself to become okay with seeing yourself mess up. You can train yourself to not let your previous learning experiences and results dictate your present ones. You can train yourself to gain self-esteem. Once you address your root cause, you should no longer even have a reason to procrastinate. You can, and will, stop procrastinating and start flourishing.
Take me in a trip to fields
Catching purple butterflies
With the heavens’ memories
At the cloudless, grand sunrise.
Take me in a trip to woods,
Rendering emotions’ sense,
Gentle, magical, and cool –
On their green, bright, and intense.
Take me in a trip to moon,
Fearless steps, dreaming of blue,
Twisting a routine’s fade tune,
Through the heavenly love’s hue.
© Simona Prilogan
Image by NoName_13 from Pixabay
There is a spell in silence’s glance,
A rounded calm conveying vow
From each of sunset — sunrise dance
Gracefully done beneath stars’ glow.
Untroubled time — a haven bond
Of vivid memories and dreams,
Retrieving rhymes and rhythm of God,
While tightly folding in love’s beams.
There is a spell in silence’s sight:
A blue, and glorious soft light.
© Simona Prilogan, May 2023, London
Image by Cornell Frühauf from Pixabay
Did you know that forcing yourself to climax in bed or to fake it can be a trauma response?
I notice a lot of my clients have had a very similar experience to mine. Either they struggle to climax because they get so in their head about it happening at all that it doesn’t happen, and they may fake it. Or they have to tense their body to make themselves orgasm.
Friends of mine and I joked about our legs and butts being sore from clenching so hard to climax. I didn’t even have my first orgasm until I was 29 and many of my clients tell me they either have very few Os or they’re not sure if they do. Again, if they do, I always hear they have to tense their whole bodies to make the O happen.
It felt embarrassing to admit it wasn’t till 29 that I had my first O after being a stripper and nude model and teaching sensual movement for years. I always felt like a fraud teaching other women and AFAB peeps to tap into their sensual side and yet I couldn’t even get off or if I did, I needed to be in the right position, with a vibrator, and make it happen.
It’s not like I grew up catholic or something with all the creepy religious shame. It didn’t make sense to me until I realized why I’d first spent years faking it and then needed to force it.
Growing up, all of my pleasure in life, and everything about my happiness was determined by my mom and whether or not she was in a good mood, or I performed/behaved to her standards. I’d tiptoe around her trying to figure out how she was that day and act accordingly.
She determined if I was happy, sad, scared, relaxed, and yes good enough. With that as my model, I felt that my partners would not only be responsible for deciding if I was good enough to be with them. I also made them responsible for if I enjoyed sex and had an orgasm.
I figured that the right partner would not only make me feel happy and fulfilled in life and our relationship but also in bed. I seriously thought someone would have this magic key that would make me not depressed and insecure and make me climax.
So, I didn’t bother exploring my own body because I was also taught the only reason to look at my vulva was to know if something was wrong with it. I was leaving it up to my partners to determine if I experienced any pleasure, but I wasn’t giving them any feedback because I was worried about upsetting them all the time.
I’d notice when my partners were touching my body in any way, I couldn’t really sense it. Like I knew I was being touched but I didn’t perceive the sensation of the touch. I’d also get super in my head worrying that I was going to disappoint or make my partner feel bad if I didn’t climax. So, then I would fake it which later turned into forcing when I finally had an O.
The tensing caused pelvic floor problems giving me an overactive bladder and it increased my anxiety and depression because I felt so shut down and broken.
So how did I break through that? Well, I had to completely forgo pleasure for the sake of climax or finishing.
I had to start reconnecting with my body through daily practice. I did this while understanding the whole reason for me faking it and tensing was due to a trauma response of people pleasing (fawning) and going into my head/disassociating then tensing to have it(freeze).
I spent time every day closing my eyes and asking myself “What do I feel now?” and then checking in anytime I touched myself or was touched by anyone else if I was OK being touched right then or not? I mean this was with every touch, even inserting my menstrual cup.
When it came to actually exploring my body for the purposes of pleasure, anytime I noticed I started to tense up or to check out. I would stop or pause and see if I was ok to continue and if yes, what did I need to continue? I honored the hell out of the no or need to slow down too because, for the first time in my life, I cared more about what I needed.
I spent literally a year doing this because I had built up so much trauma and had so much other trauma on top of it.
The benefits of this and all the other work I did were MASSIVE!!!
1. I figured out the way I like to be touched and the types of pressure I enjoyed when being touched were completely different than I thought!
2. Because I spent so much time checking in with myself, I found I was better at expressing my thoughts and feelings overall.
3. As an add-on to the better language I’m also better able to understand when I’m overwhelmed, what I have capacity for and don’t so I can tell everyone in my life what I can and can’t handle.
4. This also led to me changing how I structured my career and life because I realized I wasn’t living in a way that supported me.
5. Communication in my romantic relationships is so much better and I’m able to weed out partners and people in general better.
6. This led me to get a new OBGYN that was consent and compassion based which means my checkups are super relaxed.
7. No more pelvic floor pain or active bladder issues.
8. Because I was better connected to my body my nervous system was more regulated to handle processing all the past traumas. So instead of years of triggering talk therapy, I used a somatic approach that went faster and smoother. I notice the same with clients!
9. I feel more comfortable saying no because I understand how much harm that did to my body.
10. Oh, did I mention not only can I fully relax to orgasm but that caused them to change completely? Instead of a quick burst, I feel this rush through my whole body that feels like my soul is being cracked open and it can last for minutes.
11. The way I see myself and feel about my body is also completely different. Before I’d always be worried about looking perfect and being thin enough. I love what I see in the mirror and the person I am.
Partners have told me because of how secure and open I am and how relaxed I am about pleasure it’s made them feel more comfortable expressing their needs too. I’ve taught many of them the same relationship check-ins and container techniques I’ve taught clients and it just makes dating so much more fun when Ido it!
If I ever needed proof that everything is connected, this was it because learning to relax into pleasure changed me so much.
As a single mom, life can often feel like an endless juggling act. From managing the daily needs of your children to balancing work and other responsibilities, it's easy to feel overwhelmed and exhausted. However, it's important to remember that you are not alone in your struggles, and there are strategies you can implement to thrive as a single mom. In this article, we'll explore five key strategies for success as a single mom.
Create a support network
One of the most important things you can do as a single mom is to create a strong support network. This may include family and friends who can offer emotional support, practical help with childcare, or simply a listening ear. Online support groups can also be a valuable resource, providing a sense of community and the opportunity to connect with other single moms who understand your struggles. Additionally, there are many community resources available, such as counseling services or parenting classes, that can provide additional support. Finally, don't hesitate to seek out professional help when needed, such as therapy or coaching.
Prioritize self-care
As a single mom, it can be easy to put your own needs last on the list of priorities. However, prioritizing self-care is crucial for your overall well-being and success. This may include regular exercise, healthy eating habits, and relaxation techniques such as meditation or yoga. It's also important to take breaks and vacations when possible, even if they are just for a few hours or a weekend. Remember, taking care of yourself is not selfish, it's necessary for your ability to care for your children.
Develop a routine
Creating a routine can help you feel more organized and in control, even when things feel chaotic. This may include creating a schedule for your daily tasks, such as meal preparation or homework help, and sticking to it as much as possible. Be sure to include time for self-care and personal pursuits in your routine, as well as time for rest and relaxation. It's also important to adjust your routine as needed to accommodate changes in your schedule or the needs of your children. By developing a routine, you can feel more in control of your day-to-day life and reduce stress and overwhelm.
Pursue personal and professional goals
As a single mom, it's important to remember that you are not defined solely by your role as a parent. Pursuing personal and professional goals can be a powerful way to maintain a sense of identity and purpose outside of motherhood. This may include taking courses or pursuing a degree, starting a business, or pursuing a creative hobby. By setting and achieving goals, you can build confidence and a sense of accomplishment that can translate to other areas of your life.
Explore Business Opportunities
As a single mom, you may find that traditional employment does not offer the flexibility or income you need to support yourself and your family. However, there are many business opportunities available that can allow you to work from home or set your own schedule. Consider starting a freelance business, offering a service such as writing or design, or exploring online marketplaces such as Etsy or eBay to sell products. You can also explore network marketing opportunities or start a blog or YouTube channel to share your expertise and build an audience. With the right skills and dedication, the opportunities for success are endless. By pursuing these opportunities, you can gain financial independence and flexibility while also doing work that you love.
Practice positive thinking
The way we think about ourselves and our circumstances can have a profound impact on our overall well-being. As a single mom, it's important to practice positive thinking and cultivate a mindset of resilience and optimism. This may include techniques such as gratitude journaling, focusing on the positive aspects of your life, and surrounding yourself with positivity. By focusing on the good in your life, you can develop a more positive outlook and a greater sense of inner peace.
Conclusion
Thriving as a single mom is no easy feat, but by implementing these strategies, you can increase your chances of success. Remember to prioritize self-care, develop a strong support network, pursue personal and professional goals, and practice positive thinking. By doing so, you can build a fulfilling and joyful life for yourself and your children.
I don't know much,
only how to survive.
Through life's storms
I ride.
No light
slip and slide.
No anchor
surfing the waves.
No guide,
ride or die.
I pretend to be brave.
All I have is the will to survive.
A soldier
with no infantry at my back.
Resilience I do not lack.
I don't know much,
but I will not crack under attack.
And I will always survive.
Growing up as an older sister, I learned that this role comes with a lot of responsibility. From a very young age, you may have taken on the responsibility of caring for your siblings, helping them with their needs and taking care of them when your parents were away.
Being a big sister can be rewarding, but also very difficult. I often found myself sacrificing my own childhood and adolescence to meet their needs. It's the eldest daughter syndrome: the unofficial, unpaid role of managing the family dynamic, imposed on women from a young age.
While I love my sister dearly and would do anything for her, I can't help but feel a sense of resentment towards my parents for placing such a heavy burden on me at such a young age. Nonetheless, taking care of my sister was one of the most important responsibilities that I had as a big sister. From changing diapers and feeding her as a baby, to helping her with her homework and providing emotional support as she grew older, I did everything I could to ensure her well-being.
As the older daughter, you may also feel the need to protect your siblings from the outside world. This is especially true if you have younger siblings who are vulnerable and impressionable. As someone who grew up in a toxic environment, I felt it was my duty to provide my sister with the love and support that I had never received.
However, this often meant putting my own needs and desires on hold. This often caused me to grow up faster than my peers and take on adult responsibilities at a young age. The emotional toll of being a "mom" figure to my siblings was also significant. While it was gratifying to watch them thrive and grow, dealing with their behavioral issues and emotional needs was often emotionally draining. After all, I was a child playing mother to another child.
In conclusion, being a big sister is a unique and valuable experience that comes with its own set of challenges and rewards. It's crucial to recognize the sacrifices that come with the role and take care of yourself as well. Although it can be difficult at times, being a caregiver and role model for younger siblings can also be incredibly fulfilling. I may have missed out on certain aspects of my childhood, but I wouldn't trade my sister for anything in the world. She is the most important person in my life, and I would do anything to ensure her happiness and well-being.
The sun is setting.
The ocean is covered in plastic.
The ice is melting.
Our closest ancestors are chimps.
Experts say to invest in a 401k, but it will never be all the money ever made. Standing on a balcony in a hurricane. Why do we slaughter animals so inhumanely?
Burying ancestors. Do the books tell all the stories of slaves? Do they tell the stories of the Japanese internment camps or the Jewish persecution?
Standing on the edge of the littered streets, is that a rat covered in human grime?
The sun still sets.
Maybe when a woman swallows a pill, she is wrong but not wrong when she makes ten cents to a man’s dollar. Or wrong when it is expected she bare the weight of it all and no insurance covers it.
The sun still sets.
Speak. Speak into bitter winds. Summer awaits. Mother Nature wishes phones would stay locked and the hands would feel. Feel the soil in between toes. Are lives worth sacrifices?
The sky was once clear and blue. Seems like when it once exploded, the gray never left.
The sun still sets.
Inevitably, it will fade.
Was it all real or all an illusion?
Growing up in Mexico, where nearly 98 million people are Catholic, religion was an integral part of my upbringing. My parents were devout believers and even sang in the church choir. In fact, my name itself means "God's gift," a testament to the role religion played in my family.
As a child, I attended catechism classes and loved every moment of it. I remember being so excited the first time I got to eat the wine-soaked host. But as I got older, things started to change.
In 2017, when I was in junior high, I began to experience bullying. It wasn't physical or verbal abuse, but rather a complete lack of acknowledgment from my peers. I was ignored, talked about behind my back, and even cyberbullied. The pain was unbearable, and I remember crying myself to sleep at night, begging God to make it stop.
But it never did. And as a result, I developed an eating disorder that lasted for 7 years. I was trapped in a cycle of self-hatred and despair, feeling completely alone in the world.
As I struggled to cope with the bullying, I began to question my faith. I had been taught that if I prayed hard enough, God would answer my prayers. But where was he now, when I needed him the most?
In 2019, the COVID-19 pandemic hit, and I found myself in a state of deep introspection. I realized that I didn't know who I was outside of the strict confines of my religious upbringing. Growing up, I was forbidden from enjoying many movies, books, and songs because they were deemed "satanic" by my family. I felt like I had missed out on so much, and I didn't even know where to begin in discovering my true interests.
But confinement also gave me the chance to explore my sexuality. I had always felt different from my peers, but it wasn't until I was alone with my thoughts that I realized I was attracted to women. The revelation was both terrifying and liberating, and I spent months reading and researching everything I could about sexual orientation and gender identity.
However, my newfound acceptance of my sexuality was tempered by the internalized homophobia that had been instilled in me by years of religious indoctrination. I knew that people in the LGBTQIA+ community were often condemned by religious leaders and their followers, and I couldn't help but feel like I was somehow "wrong" or "sinful" for feeling the way I did.
Despite these struggles, I have come a long way in accepting myself for who I am. I am open with my friends and loved ones about my sexuality, and I even dream of one day finding a partner. But there are still moments when I can't help but feel like I'm living a double life, hiding the most authentic parts of myself from the world out of fear of being judged or rejected.
Ultimately, religion has had a profound impact on my life, for better or for worse. But even as I continue to grapple with the complexities of faith and identity, I know that I am not alone. And that gives me hope for the future.
Hi -
Genesis here..
As a member of this vibrant community dedicated to empowering women and owning and embracing your story
I understand the challenges that you may be facing in your daily life
From juggling multiple responsibilities to pursuing personal and ambitious goals, it's easy to become overwhelmed by stress.
That's why I'm writing to you today—to share some valuable insights and strategies on how we can effectively deal with stress in a way that may not be familiar to you.
Because let's be honest - stress can consume you and take over every single area of your life
But it doesn't have to be that way
Soooo.. What even is stress?
Stress is known to be the non-specific response of the body to any demand for change.
You may be looking at this definition like... what the heck does this even mean?
It means any time you experience stress is because you are in a situation where you are forced to grow and expand.
And you are stressed because you care.
✅ You care about your job
✅ You care about your finances
✅ You care about your health
✅ You care about your relationships
Which is totally normal.
But you want to better each and every area of your life
And take out the stressful parts of it because it's not serving you - but you’re doing it the wrong way.
They tell you to:
✅ Go on a walk
✅ Read a book
✅ Hang out with friends
And although good things to do that you should totally add more into your life - it’s instant gratification.
It won’t solve your long term problems.
And the stress will come right back even more than it was before.
It makes you feel like you are a failure and are doing everything wrong.
However,
That couldn't be farther from the truth.
The belief system that stress is bad is the real cause of unhealthy habits.
➡️ You start overeating
➡️ You turn to alcohol
➡️ You pick fights in your relationship
Don't you think you deserve better than this?
You are avoiding the things you have to do because you’ve never done them before.
You are being forced to grow.
And to grow and evolve as a human being = the meaning of life
So when you say:
“I don’t want pressure or stress = I don’t want blessings in my life"
More blessings = more challenges
And more challenges bring for more fulfillment
But also stress.
It’s not about feeling the stress, it's about embracing it.
Because you are not faced with any challenge that the universe doesn’t believe you can’t handle
Embracing stress can help you discover your strengths, courage and compassion.
Because not overcoming your fears = not manifesting your potential.
And not manifesting your potential means not getting to live out your wildest dreams - in which you are more than capable of doing.
You got this.
Genesis
Ps. What are some situations in your life that are stressful for you that you know you can embrace better? Email me [email protected] & let me know.
When you are ready - There's two ways I can help you
1) Write your story. Ready to join a community of badasswomen who own and embrace their story? Consider writting for Harness.
2) Apply for private coaching. More information in the link (and there's limited spots available).