The spiciness is gone and let’s face it – sex has become somewhat boring.
You’re not alone in facing that problem! Long-term relationships are often linked to desire problems. Interestingly enough, such issues seem to affect women much more frequently than they impact their male partners.
Now that we’ve established sexual boredom as a normal occurrence for many, it’s time to consider ways to address the issue. There are many approaches that can bring spice and passion back in the relationship. While a universal solution doesn’t exist, every couple can experiment with numerous ways to get the heat back. Here are a few common recommendations, shared by psychologists and couple therapy experts.
Understand Why Sex Has Become Boring
You can’t spice things up if you don’t have an idea about why sex became boring in the first place.
Once you find the root cause, you can undertake steps to make things better.
Have you started having sex, in the same way, every single time? Are you so familiar with your partner’s body that you can turn them on with your eyes closed? Do you have a particular fantasy that you’re too afraid to act upon (which keeps you in a loop of having mediocre sex)?
Be honest with yourself and the person you love.
Having an open conversation about the situation is the right start. Chances are that your significant other feels the exact same way but they haven’t mustered the courage to bring up the conversation. Your courage will bring both of you relief. Not only that, but you’ll also enjoy an opportunity to start making things better and a lot spicier in the bedroom.
Test Your Sexual Limits
It’s now time to challenge the boundaries that have either emerged naturally through time or that you’ve set yourself for one reason or another.
Step out of your sexual comfort zone and you’ll quickly start experiencing lots of curiosity and fun in the bedroom.
You can easily begin with a few basic steps. Sex toys live vibrators, male strapons or something a little bit kinkier provide a wonderful opportunity. The same applies to a bit of light bondage or playing out a fantasy.
Don’t be afraid to discuss such “diversions” from the routine with your partner. They’ll more than likely be on board for a bit of sexy experimentation.
Make Time for Hot Sex
There’s one more passion killer that’s more than likely to emerge in a long-term relationship.
That killer has nothing to do with desire itself.
It has to do with time.
As you grow more mature, chances are that your range of responsibilities will increase. You’ll probably have a demanding job, a mortgage, kids, and elderly parents to take care of. All of these will leave very little time for bedroom experimentation.
If you believe that your daily routine is the reason behind boring sex, try to organize chores in a way that doesn’t interfere with your evenings.
Getting a nanny for the children or enjoying a long weekend by taking a few days off work both provide wonderful opportunities. By handling chores in an effective way, you’ll free up the time required for bringing the sparks back.
Doing that a single time will reveal the huge sexual potential that’s still there. It will probably “awaken” your appetite, provoking you to seek additional opportunities for some sexy time with the person you love.
Deal with Health Issues Standing in the Way
This is a very important one that so many people feel embarrassed about. As you age, some health issues could start impacting your sex life. Erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, or difficulty achieving an orgasm could all make you want intimacy less often.
Such issues can be addressed by a medical professional. There’s no need to settle for mediocre sex just because you feel embarrassed to go to the doctor.
Medications, topical creams, lubricants, and many other products can be used to achieve consistent improvement. If you’re dealing with performance anxiety, therapy would also be beneficial. Sexologists do work with couples going through such issues. Many exercises and activities have been designed especially for the purpose of overcoming sexual dysfunction. You have nothing to lose by giving such techniques a try.
Have More Non-Sexual Fun as a Couple
How much time are you spending with your partner outside the bedroom?
Remember those early days when you were inseparable? You cooked meals together, went for long walks, bought movie tickets just to make out in the cinema? Engaging in non-sexual activities together builds proximity and intimacy. These will naturally translate into more bedroom passion.
It’s time to start reconnecting with your partner.
Having a date night, practicing a hobby together, or even learning a new skill as a couple can have beneficial effects on just about every aspect of the relationship.
In other words, if you’re having daytime fun as a couple, chances are that the bedroom heat will also go up!
Your partner has just gotten out of the shower and they look fantastic. Will you act on your urges or resist the temptation?
Spicy sex is all about spontaneity. That’s precisely what disappears when a relationship evolves through the years.
Acting upon your desires and being spontaneous will surprise both of you in a pleasant way. Such actions on your behalf will also encourage your partner to reciprocate. As a result, you’ll probably start having sex more often and you’ll feel a ton more satisfaction from it.
You don’t have to restrain yourself if you want to have sex right here, right now. You didn’t step on the brakes when you were just starting to date each other. Why should you do so now?
Good sex doesn’t have to be limited to those early days. In fact, some couples enjoy tons of passion through the decades. What separates them from everybody else is the desire to work on sexual excitement. A little bit of effort can definitely pay off and it will bring on an avalanche-like effect that will be amplified with the passage of time.