86,400 seconds in one day
I awoke to the light beaming through the slits in my curtains
My hands numb, and my chest heavy. Wondering why the 3 AM thoughts have not left my mind already
8 AM on the 501 Queen trying to keep my hands steady from my anxious trembles. Messy hair, and dark circles
Trying to get a grasp on reality, seemingly now it’s considered virtual
Lies on lies, well…I tried. My dear old friend, now it’s time to cut ties
I think we lose ourselves in misinterpretations. You type an instant message, they leave it on read and now you’re lost in translation
The words of others become conspiracies in your mind. Dusk turns to dawn and thoughts begin to creep in like fog, so eerily
Why do we continue to overthink until we push ourselves to the brink? Should I send a smiley face, a heart, or a wink? At the end of the day most things can be erased like indelible ink
I see you staring back at yourself in the mirror as you wash your hands in the sink, thinking what if I had done it differently? And then you blink
You’ve concluded that perfection is merely an illusion. Maybe things aren’t as bad as they seem and it was only confusion
Here we go again, for the second time, you’re lost in your mind
Remember when they told you that you’re just a genetic mutation and you do not belong in this generation? Simply because you were not able to meet their expectations? That girl is me
Are my accomplishments or enrollments relevant to you? The last time I checked you were dependant on my failures to create conversation with your friends. Before you take a second to judge me, review yourself once again. Once it starts, it never ends
They say “ignorance is bliss” because in the moment you never could have thought it would amount to this
Familiar words, yet so harsh they seep in as fast as venom. I cannot fathom
You’ll never really show it, even your screams are silenced. Fear crept in closer, disguised in black
Staring at the insides of your eyelids trying to come up with words, literary hack
They assume they know you by looking at your exterior, only to fall short of your character classifying you as inferior
Crimson coloured ink, red in hue. Flows seamlessly across paper all the way through.
Silhouettes moving slow, terrified. A reckless stunt. Let’s play a round of Russian Roulette. Fingers gripped on the trigger. Wait, not yet
In a deep ocean, full of dreams and nightmares, it’s purely contradiction. If you take the time to read between the lines you will notice the encryption
So many voices travelling through one ear, slithering through your conscience making you numb
I cannot succumb to what I have become. A chemical reaction corroding away the lustre within
We used to fear the so called “monsters’ underneath the frames of our beds
Now we must worry about things like cataclysm in our heads. All the negative things you say can dwell in one’s mind for a long period of time
Reminds me of a relapse, one single word, and my walls have collapsed
You know the nights where you’re tired and can’t sleep. When you find yourself staring at the ceiling counting sheep? Lost in a train of thought so deep
Feels like your falling, blowing like leaves in the wind. However, where I am now is far from where I began. Eyes heavy, it’s past midnight already. Soon enough your eyes are shut, like window blinds. You’re dreaming, unconscious state of mind
There was something so beautiful about it. Something you could not see. In this moment, you are at peace. It was nothing close to relentless, you became defenceless in this tranquil slumber. Undisturbed from everything. When I saw those city lights it was the same kind of feeling
It was like crawling into bed after a long, uneasy day. I never quite had the chance to say the words I intended to say. I kept them in my mind as if that was the safest place for them to stay.
I realize now that maybe it’s not as bad as it seems. I have brought myself to remember that at one point, we are all scared by the same means. Individually trying to chase our dreams
It is better to know your worth, than to have lingering questions in your mind. Live in the moment and appreciate the little things. No need for a shot of alcohol or red bull to give you wings. It’s just those moments where you throw your head back laughing. Just know, that someone acknowledges your presence. I’ve never seen such a beautiful luminescence.
The best things come completely unheard of, maybe you changed schools or took a different route home.
Lastly, have you ever stopped to think that out of all 86,400 seconds in a day, you’ve grown?
Author: Jennifer Kriski
Email: [email protected]
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Author Bio: Jennifer loves conspiracy theories, anything relevant to art, don’t forget churros! and oh yeah, bringing her camera literally everywhere she goes.
Link to social media or website: https://www.instagram.com/jenniferkriski/
