To My Former Self,
I appreciate you. I don’t think I tell you enough. Since we first met, I have learned so much. Even though you are gone now, there are still things I want to tell you:
I want to tell you that you are beautiful. I know all you could see was the broken pieces of us, but you filled those cracks with gold. Like alchemy and kintsugi in your every mend. It made you glow like the sun. But the sun attracts clouds and you felt shut out. I want you to know I understand your pain. You hurt yourself in so many ways. But I ask you to remember the sky, and smile in the light of your day. I know now that you made it through every storm. For me, you created rainbows. I see the beautiful picture you hand painted with sorrow.
I wish I could have told you that sometimes freedom can feel like chaos. I wish I could have protected you from the traps that were laid to catch you. Your liberation from the constraints given to us was something to be proud of. You worked so hard. Sometimes, I want to cry when I think about those dark nights you struggled through. Just look at me now, a survivor. You always had it in you. I think of you with such power and grace and not just for your every mistake. Forgive what has happened, and never forget. They are all marks in the triathlon of life.
I hope you figured out how to truly love yourself again. Like alchemy and kintsugi, or martyrs and wine. Always believing everything will be fine.