So I got fired again.
And you know, for the record I don’t ever enjoy this at all. At first, I was ashamed and very disappointed in myself for the way that I managed to get myself in that situation. Yea, I could’ve handled it better, but I can’t say that I didn’t feel a change was on the way. It’s really my own fault for staying too long, and immersing myself in a world that wasn’t even mine yet, but luckily I stay ready and plot twist, I had already been preparing myself for months.
After that, I must say that something clicked in me.
This was all only two weeks ago, and since then I went from nannying 4 kids to unloading 4 trucks at FedEx, and when I look around on the job, I’m the only female on a truck, moving boxes. Lifting shit and maneuvering faster than all the men. What is going on here? They’re all looking at me crazy, in disbelief asking me how much I bench press when the only workout I ever do is yoga, so better get your minds right.
Jersey is turning me into an animal. Like for real, I think I’m scared of myself.
It’s so funny, because I feel like people have this stigma about me that I don’t like to work just because I’m picky and I don’t like to be taken advantage of by my employer, or undermined and undervalued. Or be the one who’s bringing in all the money, making everybody rich while I’m still here living paycheck to paycheck. In my mind there’s something wrong with that picture.
Listen, don’t ever get the impression that since I switch jobs a lot, that I’m lazy.
Because, I ain’t never been that.
Or that just because I was working from home and not really doing anything that I had it made or was I looking for some type of handout. I work damn hard, and I am consistent. So, don’t ever try to dangle money in my face. I’ll work for less. I took a two dollar pay cut and now I juggle Fedex and substitute teaching every day, along with managing myself and my events and I give my best effort to all three.
My grandmother taught me how to work, and how to work hard. At 9 years old she had my cousins and I cleaning Donna Maria’s house in Linden, on our hands and knees, scrubbing floors and cleaning toilets for five dollars each at a time. So don’t ever try to think that I’m afraid to get down and dirty, or to do some shit that you think only men can do, because I’ll prove your ass wrong every time.
I’m a hustler, I said that already.
And I’m always going to do what it takes.
I come with the energy and I come to win.
Yea I might take a couple of Ls sometimes, but it never goes in vain. I’m learning, I’m growing and I’m evolving one day, one L at a time.
Shout out to everybody who caught me slipping though, because yea y’all really did catch me slipping. Patience is a virtue and I’ve got a lot of it, so it’s not very often that I come out of character, but when I do, it’s always for a good reason.
Go ahead, ask me what it is.
Better be prepared for the answer and better believe that your energy must’ve been rubbing me the wrong way, and for a long time, for me to ever switch up.
Some of you really got in my head, and though I’m wiser now, I still wish that I could forget your faces. Don’t worry though, I won’t forget the energy, I’ll remember that every time.
Some might look at me like I’m the bad guy when I finally do start standing up for myself and I can deal with being the bad guy in someone else’s story, but what kills me are the ones who try to leave with the last word thinking they’d be better off without out me. Saying things like “it’s unfortunate that you couldn’t find a better solution,” or “when I’m done with you you’ll need a new name and a new face.”
It’s a shame now, because I really wish that was the case.
I know now that those are just the last bitter words of the ones who will never find another me. The last words of the ones who know that I’ll always be the one who got away.
I’ve had to get away from so many people in the last few years, and for some there wasn’t any love lost. But for most, they will never have access to me again. But don’t worry, I part ways ever so eloquently, with my heart on a page and always with a napkin to my lips as I’m cleaning up my messes.
I’m getting stingy with my energy, and I’m not trying to sound cocky, because I promise you I’m humble. I wake up every morning and I give thanks for life, for the ones I’ve lost, for my friends and family and for the person that I’m becoming.
There’s just no more pedestals in my world now, because you really have to put in some work in order to get the crown. There’s no more looking at you and me seeing this perception of what you want me to see with the heirs that you put on, because now I know better to just take you for who you are. Many of you were just characters, and I was playing some role in your twisted fantasy of a world, but I’m sorry.
No, not sorry.
The iReminiss show is on now.