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An Open Letter To My Friendly Abuser

To whom it may concern,

You claim that you love me, but have done everything you can to try and destroy me. The real me. You dread the parts of me that you don’t understand. And you harp on the parts of me that you don’t agree with. How can you love someone who you wish to be different? Isn’t love supposed to be unconditional? Well, it seems that I have failed all of your conditions.

You say that I have a very dark attitude. You claim that there is an insecurity curse that runs deeps in my heart. You have told others that when I am around I bring people down in light and love; people that I love dearly. I know you don’t realize that I’ve cried for weeks over it – some insecurity curse I suppose? But I want you to know that today I finally took a step back and looked at the bigger picture. You’re right. I do have a dark attitude at times. Why? Because I own my emotions and I am proud to undergo shadow work that will help me evolve into the best possible version of myself. I have faced my trauma and my mental health head-on. It hasn’t always been an easy task, but it has been worth it. So…no…not every single day is full of constant light for me. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t always in my heart. The problem is… you don’t want to face your own dark shadow – which is why you keep illuminating mine. And that’s okay because my “insecurity curse” that you claim that I have has always kept me humble. Although I have recently faltered in confidence from those words that you’ve cast in my direction – I’ve found it again. And I can assure you, it is never leaving on your behalf again.

In all honesty, it saddens me to realize that these words of venom that you have spit in my face had me truly believing that I was regressing. That all of the work I have done over the years was for nothing. You brought me back down to the ground again – to the place that I had always feared returning to. You took my power in those words that you spoke so confidently and twisted my mind to make me think that something was truly wrong with ME. But I had failed to remember at that moment that it was YOUR gaslighting, manipulation, and judgment that was the trigger of my breakdown. I want to remind you: As humans, we are allowed to be confident and unsure. We are allowed to be happy and still struggle in the process. We are allowed to be strong and create healthy boundaries when we’ve had enough. We are allowed to be anxious and grounded in the same hour. We are allowed to be imperfect and still be GOOD people. We are allowed to LIVE OUR OWN LIVES and still be LOVED for EXACTLY WHO WE ARE. That is what true LOVE is all about.

Keeping true to my own integrity, I will admit that I used to feel sad when I thought about the fact that you will never love or accept me as I am. I used to cry, knowing that my difference from you makes me unworthy. And now I realize that I don’t need your love to love myself anymore. I don’t need your acceptance, your approval, or your whispered poison in my ears anymore. I was not put on this earth to please you. Or anyone for that matter. I am here to live a life full of love. So on that note – know that I FORGIVE YOU FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO LOVE ME THE WAY THAT I NEEDED. I PRAY THAT YOU FIND THE LOVE THAT YOU DESERVE. I FORGIVE MYSELF FOR LOOKING FOR LOVE IN ALL OF THE WRONG PLACES. AND I KNOW THAT I AM NOW SURROUNDED BY UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. And most importantly THANK YOU for making me realize how strong I truly am for walking away and remembering who I AM.

Sincerely,

Not Yours Anymore

If you like this article, check out: https://www.harnessmagazine.com/letter-to-the-parents-ex/

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by HeyEmmaJaye

Born in Colorado Springs, Colorado and raised in Youngstown, Ohio - adventure had been instilled in my soul at an extremely young age. Being raised by a big Italian family provided me with the unconditional love and support that taught me that I could do anything I truly put my mind to.

During my junior year at Kent State University I took a leap of faith and changed my major to photojournalism. Hands down, this is the best decision that I have ever made for myself. This was where I discovered my passion for visual storytelling and found affirmation that I am doing exactly what I was meant to do.

I finished out my senior year studying my craft and living in Florence, Italy - where I firmly believe I began to develop into the best possible version of myself as an artist. My love for lifestyle, music and documentary photography has taken me to places I had never anticipated and has introduced me to people that have changed my life forever.


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