“Don’t text him first”
“Don’t double text”
“Wait an hour before texting”
“Don’t show that much interest”
“Let him put in the effort”
Who makes up these rules? And why do we fall into them? The answer is quite simple; we prefer to listen to the conditioned beliefs that have been passed down to us and shared among others, instead of listening to our inner voice and intuition.
We usually act the way we feel is right for us, but oftentimes we get sucked into a bubble that is saturated with outside voices telling us to act the opposite way. To that, I say f**k it and show your true colors, express your love openly and do not be afraid to be the person who gives a F**K! Do not allow fear to hold you back from being who you are and searching for what you want in your life.
I’ve learned that how we love is conditioned by past experiences and family history, and in order to have a real connection, one must learn to face their own shadows and have the courage to surpass them and continue to battle them day after day. The thing with relationships is that they will never be as we plan them or expect them to be. We need to remember that in a relationship everyone brings their baggage to the table and it is our responsibility to take care of our own instead of projecting it onto others.
When we take care of our shadows, wounds and traumas, we begin to understand the other person a little bit better, and this allows us to take a step back and determine whether a relationship is worth continuing or ending, not because you’re toxic for each other, rather because your emotional consciousness may not be properly aligned to grow together. The only way you’ll know how much you have healed and have left to go is by throwing yourself back in the “game” and expressing yourself just as you are.
We usually want things to go smoothly, and they usually do during the first “honeymoon” phases of dating, but then we begin another phase and bring up the baggage we have tried to hide or blame others for. We may struggle through the waters, but if both parts put in their efforts to push through it, then you will come out on the other side as winners. But as I said in the beginning, do not let fear be the one to stop you from giving your all to make it work. There will be a moment when you may need to take a step back to decide if the “juice is worth the squeeze,” but let that decision be one that you make out of self-love, and not out of fear or conditioned beliefs from recycled experiences.
Be the one that loves hard.
Be the one that shows intention.
Be the one that listens.
Be the one that asks difficult questions.
Be the one that gives the extra kiss.
Be the one that says ‘goodnight’ first.
Be the one that says ‘I love you.’
When it comes to growth and self-love, we need to put ourselves out there. We need to wear our heart on our sleeve and be prepared to take a leap of faith.
Whether a relationship ends or not, it will always bring us back home to ourselves, and this will strengthen us and recharge us again—to love all over again.