We need to talk.
This thing we’ve been doing for a while now? It’s just not working out any more.
At first it was exciting, and I thought you were so good for me… but lately, I’ve been seeing things differently… I’ve become obsessed with you, and it’s NOT good for me.
I know you wanted the best for me, I know your intentions were positive and that all you wanted to do was to help me be healthy… but it’s gone too far.
You’ve overstepped, big time. And now I’m paying the price.
I used to enjoy going for runs, but now I’m just chasing a calorie burn. What used to be good now is never enough.
I used to enjoy food. Now I’m consumed in the thoughts of “how many calories am I eating?” “How many hours will I have to exercise to work it off and make you happy, watch?”
You constantly make me feel like I’m not enough. I’m never moving enough, never eating healthy enough. You’re always reminding me, over and over and over.
You don’t let me rest. You’re just there taunting me, making me feel guilty when I haven’t moved my body to meet your expectations. What are your expectations based on, anyways?
You don’t know me, Watch. You think you do, you think you’re so smart, but you don’t know me.
You don’t know my body like I do. You don’t know how she feels or what she needs.
And guess what, Watch? My body needs rest. Lots of rest. Without you interrupting.
My body also needs food. Lots of food. And honestly, Watch? I can’t eat anything in front of you without feeling so damn guilty.
I not only want to eat more food, I want to enjoy food again, instead of fearing judgment or worrying about the calories going in that, according to you, Watch, eventually, “have to come out.”
I want to be at peace with food, instead of at war.
I want to be at peace with my body.
I am done fighting.
And Watch? You don’t let me do any of that. You take me away from the present moment. For God’s sake, I’m in yoga trying to center myself and there you are lighting up my wrist, telling me about A, B and C. Like, hello, I’m trying to breathe here…can you PLEASE shut up for once?
You try to control me, when what I really want to be is free. STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO.
And you know what? You motivate me based on fear: fear of not keeping up with everyone else, and it’s REALLY not helpful.
So you know what, Watch?
We are done. WE ARE OVER. I am no longer allowing you to control my body, my life.
I’m taking it back. I’m taking back my joy and my freedom and my worth.
See you never.
Author: Julie Wojno
Author Bio: Julie Wojno is a body positive, intuitive eating health coach, yoga teacher and indoor cycling instructor based in Columbus, OH. Her mission is to empower women who have struggled with eating, exercise and body image to love their bodies and live their best lives, without another restrictive diet. When she’s not coaching, down-dogging or cycling, you can catch her snuggling her massive Bernese Mountain Dog, hanging at local breweries and spiralizing her favorite fruits and veggies (sweet potato pasta, anyone?). Follow along on her adventures at @julie.wojno
Link to social media or website: http://www.juliewojno.com