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Mental Health

Dear World, Don’t Confuse Self-love with Being a Narcissist

In a world full of hashtags and celebrity movements, we tend to hold back our voices, second-guessing almost everything to avoid the ongoing labels. The world we live in automatically judges us, puts us in a box defined by all of its appropriations.

Well, Primas, I have news for you: if you’ve ever been called a narcissist or have been offended by what that word implies based on your actions of self-love, you’re not alone. For years, I didn’t even know what the word meant, and one afternoon it was high tea time with Webster. I was not only literally laughing out loud, but was astonished in disagreement. But then again, according to Webster, I was already showing the primary sign of a narcissist—disagreement.

Sit back and grab that cafecito. Let me start by saying that self-love is the most unapologetic act of accepting oneself, putting yourself first and being proud, confident of the good, the bad and the ugly of your life’s journey. This is healthy.

So, what happens when we speak our mantras into existence and we share with the world our most vulnerable personal stories of self-motivation and daily self-love routines? While many cheer us on, others imply the voice of narcissism. We hear that the more balance we have, the better we can understand our self on this road trip of self-growth. Narcissism involves arrogance, whereas self-esteem reflects humility. Fair enough, right? So, I’m going to break down the top three comparisons we often hear:

1. “Oh, she’s an attention-seeker.”

Self-love: People who have high self-esteem and practice self-love don’t need recognition or high fives every five minutes. They don’t need “likes” on social media to feel validated. They know the hard work they put in and are aware of their success, and that alone is enough. When people congratulate them, they are humbled and appreciative.

Narcissism: If an act of service was done in public and the paparazzi wasn’t there, it doesn’t matter. Did it really happen? I guess it wasn’t that amazing. A narcissist needs constant recognition and praise for everything and anything. They may have done nothing at all, but if people do not reach out and they don’t get the praise they need, they will feel empty inside. Admiration of others is a priority and a motivation to accomplish things.

2. “I am happy being the ‘real’ me.”

Self-love: Aka, people who show they’re super comfortable in their skin. They appreciate what they have to offer, even if it’s not perfect. They are transparent in making changes in their life, but for themselves, not critics. Happiness never lives in the hands of others in order for them to be happy.

Narcissism: Can you really make them happy? They’re never happy with who they are and what they have. They want more and more, and although it’s okay to want more out of life, narcissists are never satisfied with what they have, even if they wanted it just five minutes ago.

3. The world as individuals

Self-love: These are the people who show an immense appreciation of others. They see others as individuals that are valuable, and they celebrate their existence. They’re a success and empathetic. Great friends show these attributes because they’re incredibly supportive and understand that it takes all sorts of people to make a fully functioning world. #nomanisanisland

Narcissism: They are the world. Point blank. Period. They value others only if they sniff an opportunity to use them for their own benefit. Narcissists tend to surround themselves with other narcissists (#youcantsitwithus type of peeps). Other than that, take a ticket. Because no one else is worthy of their time.

So, there you have it. There’s a big difference. But listen up: if you’re a slight narcissist, don’t let these definitions control you. Everyone brings something unique, important and valuable to this universe, regardless of every label we’ve ever been given.

Like this post? View similar content here: Social Media: The Difference Between Self Expression And Self Obsession
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by Alicia Sanchez

Alicia Sanchez is a fashion designer, entrepreneur, podcast host and published writer. She has been featured on the Dr. Oz Show, Black Shopping Channel, endless publications and various fashion weeks with her fashion brand before she began writing. Dear God Are We There Yet? a movement to spark conversation about topics in our lives that may make our voice shake or make our souls smile. Let’s talk like it’s 1995; real and in living color.


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