Don’t let the projections of Others rule your Life/Learn Who to Confide to

Behind every word flows energy.

Sonia Choquette


Consider the principle of epigenetic, the study of how the environment and other factors can change how genes are expressed meaning the food we eat, the air we breathe, the words we speak, and the ecological systems in which we live influence our lives.

These elements cause chemical changes in our bodies and brain and affect the way our genes communicate so try to imagine what happens when we engage with people who purposefully or not dump us their negative words and views aka projections constantly? We take their words and subconsciously encode them in our brain and cells and this has serious consequences especially if we have negative beliefs of our own and are highly impressionable.

So what is projection? Projection or psychological projection is a defence mechanism people subconsciously employ to cope with their issues or difficult feelings or emotions. Instead of admitting to or dealing with those feelings or beliefs.

The theory of psychological projection was developed by Sigmund Freud an Austrian clinical psychologist the father of psychoanalysis.

An example of projection could be someone who believes and feels that she is not worthy of a healthy, beautiful, single partner she projects those feelings onto her friends especially the single ones ready and confident to find a new partner.

The person may say things like: you could never have this type of partner, it’s difficult to find a single man or man without 30 baby mamas, Man doesn’t like chubby women, you are too old ….. These are her fears that she is projecting onto another person because she does not believe that she can have that so automatically assumes that the other can’t too.


If that ever happens to you Stay away from these types of people or put boundaries….


We must use the power of our words constructively. Stella Terril Mann


Energy follows thoughts, as human beings we choose our experiences by the way we resonate or vibrate as an energy field. Our perceptions and thoughts translate into vibration frequencies; Energy follows thought shaping our reality, and as Buddha said: We are form and mold by our thoughts and words.

We have to practice being aware of what we allow in our mental and physical spaces.

Your words are the bricks and mortar of the dreams you want to realize. Your words are the greatest power you have. The words you choose and use establish the life you experience.

Sonia Choquette



Many of us are plagued by the negative words and thoughts used to describe us or “predict” our lives and it’s important to filter and alchemize these words and transform them into gold.

Unfortunately, most of us have been thought to believe that negative equals realistic and positive equals unrealistic and always remember some people project on purpose and some don’t but unfortunately at our lower points we settle for that low partner, friend and consider them as being equal, when in fact they are not.


-My experience with projection-

This past year was very interesting and difficult I was navigating personal issues and also watching the world crumble.

The most interesting part was the ongoing sensation of feeling lonely and that I could count on no one.

This was fostered not because I didn’t ask for support or a listening ear, but because I chose the wrong people to talk to.

They were unsafe emotionally, usually when someone is going to difficult situations doesn’t have a good radar system to choose safe people, we usually choose people that re-traumatize us and make us feel shameful that’s why it’s advised to go to therapy or if we are lucky to go to a grounded, stable, mentally okay person that has wisdom and knowledge or go to yourself because at the end of the day our relationship with ourselves has to be the strongest and news flash we are in our own body forever someone else can leave, betray, not have time, but we have ourselves 24/7 till your death so it’s important to learn to be our own best friends.

We choose the wrong people to confide in out of desperation, loneliness, the need to talk and feel comforted by others at all cost.


Our vulnerability is taken for granted and BOOM they come with projections or typical empty words and these affect us.


-But why do people project?

Because people don’t confront their issues, they don’t come to terms with them so they use projection as a defence mechanism.

Returning to the example I gave previously, person X has a hard time confronting her self esteem issues and programming, she has attachment trauma from past relationships, she’s stuck in an unhappy relationship with a man with “30 kids” with different women and she probably believes she’s not good enough and she can’t have the life she truly desires.

And imagine the other person who receives these projections starts to believe, becomes disoriented what do you think will happen? The more we focus on fear and what other people assume the more we feel weak, fearful, and drink other people’s poison, We end up losing focus and this is dangerous.


As Jordan Peterson says: What you aim determines what you see. We must use the power of our words constructively. 


For that reason, it’s important to be conscious of who you speak to and why, it’s important to start learning to trust ourselves, confide in ourselves, and always doubt, critique, and decide what we want to believe about us, and not subscribe to another chapter of drama or unhappy life.

Listen to yourself, read yourself and help yourself there is no saviour out there you have to save yourself and drop naiveté.


What do I want for my life? Why? Do I know examples of people who went against all odds in life? That did something that I thought was impossible? Search for them and expand your conscience (they can be people you admire online or people close to you).

Very often our talents, our greatness are mirrored back in a distorted fashion because the mirror is the eye of the beholder.

Sonia Choquette


Words have power, beware of people that tell that you are not gifted in certain areas or you can’t have certain things in life. Believing disempowering voices we repeat the damning words to ourselves and guarantee our negative results. I can’t dance, I can’t have the man I desire, I can’t be an artist, etc.


It’s heartbreaking having people squelching your dreams or ideas…we lose a vital part of ourselves. We block our awareness and our vitality.

Convert everything they said, reprogram your mind, use positive affirmations, and confront your past demons.


Don’t be blinded by your powers by the negative use of language. Turn aside any negative verbal programming. Don’t disqualify yourself in words and deeds.

Don’t accept shamming dictums as fact.

I cannot believe that the inscrutable universe turns on an axis of suffering; surely the strange beauty of the world must somewhere rest in pure joy.

Louise Bogan 




~Why do we endure or open up to the wrong people/ Reality distortion and misplaced loyalty~



Fear of being abandoned and trying to convince the other (external focus) that we are worth it we give power over us to other people.

We need to learn to not abandon ourselves and this all goes back to childhood for example if when we were children we had parents or family members that didn’t listen to us, abandon us emotionally, in adulthood we developed empty bucket syndrome and misplaced loyalty meaning we have a broken radar and tunnel vision and we “attract” or better we choose our past dysfunctional unfinished business.


Everything was set up when as child’s we had a primal panic, the child Denys the critical moments when the parent is not available. To not let the pain get in and creates a delusional naïve version of the parent to survive.

The child projects the love they feel for the parent and start to imagine the parent is giving the same love as the child.


So going fast forward to today, we trust and talk to the wrong people because we still carry a delusional fantasy and a broken radar system in individuating emotionally mature and safe people.

It’s important to learn reality testing, break the pattern, and question yourself, is this person being warm? Present/ open? Is this person behaving offering connection, maturity, and presence? If not, cut them or set boundaries to protect yourself.

We stop rationalizing and justifying, we don’t abandon, betray ourselves and we start honouring our needs.


It’s crucial to establish a sense of safety, practice containment, protect yourself, don’t talk to overly critical people, go gently and slowly and build new radar for safe and mature people.

If the person is emotionally unavailable and immature grieve and move on…yes, it’s easy to speak, but it’s the only way.


You have to self-differentiate, honour your needs, wants, setting boundaries, standing up for self and learning to discern who is worth opening up to.

I understand that most of don’t  believe we can have better in terms of relationships and other things but  learn to observe the messenger, practice acceptance of separate realities, some people will never share our beliefs and ideas they have their own.


We as humans have separate realities and not everybody will see or say uplifting things depending on their conditioning. Yes, we want to feel understood but it’s not always possible, we want to feel validated and comfortable but we have to practice being okay with being misunderstood…. It’s a practice.

Focus on your maturation process, stop figuring people out it’s not your job its enmeshment, if people don’t want to grow and do their work don’t do it for them it’s not your responsibility you are not being paid to be a coach or psychologist., you are not their Jesus, let Jesus talk to them.


We believe we can change others and this is fantasy thinking people change when they want to and people believe and perceive what they want to, change, I mean real change it’s an internal job…. 

Okay, you will ask me but how can I recognize safe, secure, and mature people? Make these questions when interacting and learn to be a good observer of character:

Question yourself are the people you are paying attention to worthy of your time? Is it reciprocal? Are they paying attention to you back? Do they do sporadic reinforcement? Are they supportive of others and yourself? Are they reliable? Do you have to “work” to get their approval? Do you feel diminished or invalidated when talking to them?

I know it seems like simple questions but this is the starting point to learn how to choose better people to confide like everything setting this habit of clear analysis is an ongoing practice doesn’t give up… To finish this article I live us with some Good mantras to have in mind when we feel frazzled, lonely, and confused:

  • I’m not exploiting my loyalty I create balanced relationships with equal emotional investment. I create my own opinions about myself.
  • I love myself, I respect myself, and I nurture myself.
  • Its okay for me to have everything I want!



























by emilia duarte

Emília Duarte is a Mozambican multidisciplinary artist , she interconnects writing, illustrations and painting. Her art is the ultimate expression of what most presses her mind. She is largely inspired by the beauty of things in her surroundings - details in the built environment-her travels and the relationship individuals have with their objects move her deeply.
The artist has a spontaneous relationship with art, emotional and visual sincerity are crucial; as Picasso said, "I put in my pictures everything I like" and that is exactly what she does.
Writing plays a crucial role in Emilia Duarte's life, it is impossible to think about painting or drawing without writing her emotions or reflections.
Emilia Duarte holds a degree in organizational psychology, a bachelor's degree in clinical psychology, a degree in journalism and has a background in fashion design.


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