FIGHTING IN ALL THE RIGHT WAYS
Frustrations come from unmet expectations. I overheard this the other day and thought wow, preach. These unrealistic expectations for myself come from insecurities, society, and deep wounds. My insecurities say that I need to be as skinny as the ones in his past. Society expects my naked face to be rid of all impurities. The people that have cut me the deepest in my past spell out the words not enough with my tears, one after another. Each one less sorry than the last. The expectations I have for him come from the same three. My insecurities shout out “defend yourself, never let him win.” Society whispers foul suggestions that could only come from the darkest of evil. My past says start building your wall (no trump, walls aren’t the best in every situation.)
Criticize
DONT: You have to focus on the problem at hand. It becomes criticism when you start throwing punches at their personality. Try and avoid the words, “always,” and “never.” They tend to lead to a bigger mess, and are not helpful in anyway.
DO: Try to only explain your frustration and avoid ALL blaming.
Get Defensive
DONT: Usually when someone suggests I’ve done something wrong, I immediately think, “Not my fault.” Sometimes I even come up with an excuse to why I haven’t done something a little prematurely. It’s easy to also respond to a complaint of your significant other with one about them.
DO: Give them the benefit of the doubt, hear them out. Don’t jump straight to conclusions.
Shutdown
DONT: I am guilty as charged on this one. I am the queen of cold shoulders. I can give eye rolls for days, and I am (not so) proud to say that I could hold a world record for the longest straight face, death glare, and mean mug in the world. But please don’t follow in my footsteps. This usually happens when I get overwhelmed in a situation
DO: Try letting your partner know that you need a little time to evaluate and just breathe. Plan a time after you calm down to revisit the situation and talk about it.
These can all happen separately or have a snowball effect and tumble into complete and utter destruction of your relationship. If one partner criticizes, and the other gets defensive about it, then a wall is built because of how overwhelming it all becomes. It escalates too quickly at times.
Granted all of these are easier said than done, but it can work if you believe it can and work at it. Is it incredibly hard? yes. Is it incredibly possible? yes.
Author: Jenna Drake
Your Bio: Hi I’m Jenna!
I love donuts, my friends and I will DIY till’ I die.
Link to your social media or website: https://www.instagram.com/drake.jenna
