Do you have a bucket list of adventures, plans, things you want to do or accomplish? Do you get excited about it, become the ‘woo hoo’ girl as your pencil proudly scratches it off your list? Yes, check, I did it-woo hoo! On to the next.
Or are you the girl that dreams so vividly you can touch it, but almost immediately your inner chatter shuts you down with a quick witted “No way! You can’t do that. Are you serious, you?” Yep, that was me for the longest time. Now…My take on the whole thing…tell your inner chatter to shut the *@!* up, take a seat and watch what I can do!
Here’s my story…
March 27, 2015 my amazing mother passed away suddenly at a young age of 61; tore me apart. Over the days to come I cried, a lot! I reminisced, went through her belongings, thought about childhood memories, thought about how am I going to go on without her? I felt like a part of me died with her.
But then I started to think about the person she was. Who she was as my mom, as my son’s nana, how she had lived her life. I believe my mom was happy being a mom to me, she was happy being a nana to my little boy (lord knows he was her pride and joy), she loved full heartedly and gave of herself constantly. What I also believe is that she never really lived. She never chased her dreams, did something just for her, that made her happy or excited and before she took the chance, it was gone.
At that moment, my life changed, not only because I lost my mom, but because out of her death I found life. I decided to live, like really live. To dream BIG, to try new things, to cross things off my bucket list and to not give a damn about the who, why, how, when, but rather just do. To go for it, to try, to inspire myself, my son, my husband, my friends to do the same, to embrace life and the people around you because you really don’t know when it will all be gone. It sounds so cliché, but let me tell you, you’re entire world, life, way of being can be changed in a split second with no going back. That is a very surreal realization.
So I went on a trip to Mexico with a bunch of strangers to do yoga in a jungle. Hmmm, sounds ok right, actually fun and relaxing. Well, let me say this, I have anxiety (that I do not take medicine for), I do not like flying (AT ALL), yoga is not enjoyable to me (in fact, I often find myself in yoga thinking, oh my goodness, hurry up before I get stuck in this position), I’m kind of a routine person (my friends would snicker and say, um kind of?), and being far from my son, my husband and security of my life is definitely scary to me. But I went anyway and besides the bats flying at me and then sticking to my wall, the raccoons and mice scampering across our floor, and the god awful bugs (don’t forget we were in a jungle. Oh and I forgot to mention, the room only had 3 sides. YIKES!), it was a blast! I learned so much about myself; I gained new friends, new experiences, confidence and scratched a shitload of items from my list. WOO HOO!
A couple months later, after continuously saying, ‘there has to be more to my life than sitting at a desk Monday thru Friday 9-5, I walked into my boss’s office and quit. Talk about scary! My salary is my family’s main income source and I have a 7-year-old little boy to worry about. What kind of example was I setting for my boy though, by staying at a job that was sucking the life out of me, where I didn’t feel appreciated or where I felt I was not making a difference anymore. So…I quit. And let me tell you, it was amazing! I felt free, alive, excited! I now have the opportunity to follow MY dream of having my own business. Is it hard? YES! Is it scary? YES! Will it be worth it? YES!! Even if my business fails, it is worth it and I am so proud of myself for trying and believing that I can do this. I am able to now be my own boss, be creative, feel inspired, make a difference, kick ass and thoroughly enjoy the process, my life, my family. WOO HOO!
On to the next…Since I was a little girl I have always loved to write. I would sit for hours in my bedroom writing poems, journaling, creating stories. Am I good at it? Don’t know, doesn’t matter. It is something I enjoy and have always wanted to do. Actually, I have always wanted to write a children’s book, but one thing at a time. So here I am putting a big fat pencil mark through line # 25, WRITE. It feels pretty damn good, even if no one reads this or likes it. I did it for me, I did it because I wanted to, because I was inspired to, but most of all I did it because I am now a WOO HOO girl and I chose to live my life, love my life, and appreciate my life each and every day that I have it.
Take those chances, open your eyes and heart to new opportunities. Your life will only wait so long for you to live it! As much as I love and miss my mom each and every day, I am grateful for the lessons I have learned from her in life and in death. She will forever be my hero and my heart. My words to live by…Create. Inspire. Play. Share.
Till next time…
Author: Jen Hilling
Email: [email protected]
Author Bio: hmmm, about me…I am a motivated, kick ass woman, who loves making my day dreams come true. I am so lucky to be a mommy to an amazing little boy who makes me laugh and a wife to a great man who makes me laugh even more – thank goodness because I love to laugh. I absolutely adore my dogs and cats and I am a huge fitness enthusiast for over 20 years now. I recently took the leap and started my own business that I am very proud of. The journey continues…
Link to social media or website: http://www.finneousandbean.com
