In 2014, my family lost our Matriarch. This loss sent us all into a warped parallel universe that we never expected to be in, though we were all well aware that once a being is born they are destined to live their lives which ultimately end in death.
During the time between her last breath and the funeral procession to her final resting place, I don’t believe there was a moment when I truly understood that I would never see my Grandmother, my Matriarch again… I made a promise to my mother and sister to travel back across the state to complete my Associates Degree.
While interacting with my fellow students, student leaders, advisors and professors, I was battling a deep and dark depression. I was able to find solace in my studies, my work on campus as a student leader, and with my honorary family who were gifted to me through my Alma Mater.
I didn’t realize how much I needed them until they were right there lifting me up and encouraging me to move forward. I spent time with my girls and their families, I smoked a bit of marijuana and I plowed through my daily to-do lists with no regard in truly seeking care and/or treatment. 2014 was the year of avoidance and just trying to make it.
In late 2018, I became a first time mother and with this beautiful baby boy came a heavy bout of Postpartum Depression. I was rushed back to work with the fear that I would be unemployed and unable to provide for my little one. And as the months went on my anxiety and depression, yet again, suffocated me to the point of literal immobility. I attempted to go to work, with a new company and I was brought to my knees with tears fogging my eyes and screams stuck in my throat. I had been battling and fighting and trying to avoid this place… With my mother, sister and partner by my side I was able to take a step back and see where I was; to see how my Anxiety-Depression had debilitated me.
I needed to take some time to truly help myself. I researched self-love, self-care and therapist in my area. It was time to take my life back. I tried 2 therapists and the second has been working out like he’s Superman, Batman and Iron Man all in one. I promised myself that this time I would be the conqueror and not the conquered. I began journaling again, practicing daily meditation, getting mobile in any way that I could, practicing healthier self talk, embodying true self motivation and encouragement. I had to intentionally work on myself: Had to and have to.
During this time of radical self love and self care, I was able to successfully study or and pass my real estate exam; to successfully start and finish a life coaching training course; to successfully host my first wellness event; and now I am successfully compiling my ultimate business plan to fortify my dreams of an amazing empire.
I have never been so confident, I have never been so in love with myself and this journey I am on. My journey to self was started long ago, but only now do I have a loaded toolkit and the faith to press on.
Self care and Self love, with some good-good therapy have saved my life. We deserve to live and not to be defeated by Anxiety, Depression, or even Postpartum. We must dig into our toolkit of life lessons and help ourselves, and when the road is the darkest seek out those who love you and/or those who are trained to help you through.
