“You don’t feel much, do you?”
A strike of lightning runs through my chest but I just let out a weak high spirited laugh.
“Why do you smile so big?”
“How do you literally not care and smile all the time?”
“She can handle that. Nothing really affects her much, right?”
Whispers, talks, gossips, and a whole lot of commotion going through all over the place. But then, there’s this girl just laughing with the brightest smile she can imagine. No one knows what goes around at home or her own mind. But here she is breathing out a smile full of love.
Even so, all she gets to hear is about how she must be emotionless; doesn’t really feel anything; is too naïve to understand and too childish to comprehend things. But what they will never understand is that they can only mock her for her smile (I would disagree and say strength). She knows that they will never embrace her for her demons. People accept only what they can understand. They will only be horrified by the scars she hides, or the sadness that is threatening to spill apart as soon as that smile starts to break off. They won’t be able to handle the real her, the mess that she is. And that is the actual reason why she can’t and won’t stop smiling. She doesn’t want them to feel even an iota of what she feels.
But, I ask her again, “Why don’t you just let it all out and stop pretending?”
And what she says next, doesn’t really surprise me.
“I would break myself over again and again but I can’t see anyone bleed even a little bit for me”
To that girl, all I can say is that I miss you and your strength.
Author: Archita Talukdar
Author Bio: I am an 18 year old student trying to make sense in this world, letting my thoughts wander and turning all the sadness I have in my heart to a more meaningful existence. And despite circumstances, I know that I am going to fly one day 😉
Link to social media or website: Instagram @lifeasarchi