The consequences of speaking my truth are ones I’m willing to take on.”
We’ve all stuck around in relationships hoping things would change. I’ve hoped people would hear me when I communicated, and really receive and comprehend what I was saying. Hell, I’ve pleaded with hope for things to improve and be better in all kinds of ways.
Live Footage of my hoping ass:
Unfortunately, what I found to be true is any time I’ve ever hoped for any that not a fucking thing happened to improve or elevate the situation, and I was still left hoping. Of course some strides were made to pacify, but real, actual improvement or change didn’t happen.
Enter righteous anger.
How much more do you try?
How much work do you put in when the other person is claiming they’re the only ones doing anything?
How long before you get tired of being gaslit?
How long before you get tired?
How long before you choose yourself?
How long before you realize this ain’t it, and you are wasting life minutes?
Now, I don’t know about you, but my life minutes plan changed after I turned 30. I have a different plan now. It’s the the free after 9pm plan, and I got to bed at 10.
That was this season’s lesson, and I put up with a lot during this season. If the previous season was the orientation, this season was fucking training day.
Now, life lessons come in many forms, mine however, habitually come in the form of relationships. Romantic Relationships.
Hi, my name is Jenell, my loved ones call me J, Nell or Lil Baby. Being a black, queer, non-monogamist, and sex-posi woman comes easy to me, but emotional honesty and vulnerability does not. I wouldn’t disclose anything going on with me. My answers were all superficial and surface-level. I would pride myself on showing up for others, and only allow me to show up for me.
Full disclosure, this lesson took almost three years to really learn, and I’m just starting to really put it in to practice after THREE YEARS of hoping and modeling.
I’d have these little spurts of it here and there, but to really walk in it is something new to me.
What is Emotional Honesty?
It starts with being aware of your feelings. What they look and feel like MINUS your ego. For some that may be difficult, but Aisha blessed us with an assist: DEVELOPING YOUR SENSES OF SELF.
You can start easing into emotional honesty and vulnerability using this exercise. Ask yourself what do my emotions look like right now? ie My emotions look a thunder clouds with lightening in them.
What do they smell like? Sound like? Taste like? Feel like? I personally use it as an icebreaker before I begin sharing the real shit.
Emotional Honesty is communicating your feelings and needs in an honest, authentic and respectful way. Being aware of them and taking the time to experience and hear them out instead of rushing through them, tucking them away, or masking them with alcohol, drugs, food, etc.
Sounds easy enough right?
If you didn’t say it in his voice, you missing out.
This shit takes practice. I used to have to throw hands with doubt and fear, and they would always win. Doubt had me second-guessing myself, do they really understood me, were they even listening etc. While fear amplified every single doubt I had. The worse part was Doubt and Fear we’re RIGHT in that instance. My situation was unique though, sometimes your doubts and fears are wrong, sometimes they are right. The important thing to do is let these doubts and fears be known. Stand in your truth!
Have you ever tried personifying your feelings? It’s a pretty fun exercise, I even do it with my natal chart placements. If my Doubt and Fear were human they’d be some “I told you so” headass bitches. They kept me locked in that cycle because all of my fears had come true. This person wasn’t listening, they didn’t understand me, they didn’t even try. If anything they seemed to be set on MISunderstanding me, so instead of forcing myself into discomfort, I’d just use silence.
DON’T DO THAT! It was the pits. I wasn’t me, they weren’t happy and I wasn’t happy.
Then that righteous anger hit, and I started choosing me.
I realized choosing myself and my truth was more important than holding out hope that things would get better. But look, once I shifted my mindset to “I stand gracefully in my truth, and I communicate my feelings with ease, kindness, compassion and empathy.” things starting looking different. I’m one of those people who want to do the work, who want to do better, and elevate myself and my vibration in anyway I can. I’m not the same woman, and I don’t move the same.
Big Cheers to stepping into a new season 🥂
Training Day was no bitch, and neither is emotional honesty, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m happier and my light feels brighter! Even single as a pringle, it makes me immensely happy to know that doing the work is going to allow me and my future partner(s) to flourish!
Love is not enough. And basing your unhappiness on, “but I love them so much” is going to keep you miserable and stifled. They have to love you enough to drop the ego. They have to love you enough to do their own work.
Also, communication isn’t the only “key.” Comprehension is the other “key” that’s required, but a lot of mufuckers lack. Simply put, you can communicate with clarity, empathy and compassion all you want, but if someone is hell bent on misunderstanding you or they are listening to rebuttal and not understanding, save your life minutes and end the conversation.
Just because you are doing your work doesn’t mean other people are, and just because you are being Emotionally Honest does not mean that others will reciprocate. The good news is this is about you and your freedom, not theirs.
You are loved, valued and appreciated.