So recently, I got a new boyfriend.
My very first real boyfriend.
And it’s weird, because I had this whole plan, as many of us do after being hurt a couple times, to relinquish all hope of love and stay single for…ever. I was going to move to France and bang my way across Europe because the idea of getting hurt again by someone I thought I loved seemed way more damaging. I just needed to get through two more years of college and then I would be off. In a foreign country, surrounded by foreign men, foreign music and foreign FOOD.
Why the hell would I ever need love?
And then I met Landon. And he’s warm and funny and charming and, my god, the sweetest, kindest, most selfless person I’ve ever met. Of course I didn’t mean to fall for him. Of course I never expected to spend four hours on a “coffee date” with some random guy I matched with on Tinder. Of course I wasn’t prepared to be so deeply engulfed in one human being…..but I’m so glad I am.
It’s only been two months since we met and two weeks since we’ve been dating but he’s taught me so much and challenged me in so many ways and treated me better than I ever thought possible. I still wake up and find it hard to believe that he’s real and he’s REALLY my boyfriend. I love him so much.
But I’ve been struggling with worrying about how my happiness is affecting other people…
If you’re saying “wtf” to yourself, then yeah, same.
Let me explain, I’ve lived the past 21 years in a world that consisted of me always taking care of and worrying about and catering to the feelings and well-beings of everyone before my own. Co-dependent much? If one of my friends was unhappy, it was solely MY job to fix it. Even if it had nothing to do with me. When my family was fighting, it was my job to be happy and make the peace and be perfect so that I wouldn’t cause extra problems. If there was a worm in the road struggling to get to the dirt it was MY JOB to stop traffic, pick it up, dig a hole and make sure the worm was okay.
Anyway, my best friend’s boyfriend of two years just broke up with her, my other friend is divorced and not dating yet, my sister has had the worst run with the shittiest of guys. So, of course, IT’S MY JOB to be single and not allow myself this happiness because all these people I love so much in my life are all single and in some way not all too thrilled by it. Solidarity sister, right? Wrong.
I’ve had to wake up every day and tell myself “you deserve this” because, well, I do. I’ve learned lessons about narcissistic men because I’ve destroyed myself over two of them in the past. I’ve learned how to rebuild myself and how to love myself before expecting someone else to do it for me. I’ve learned how to say what I need to and what I feel without the fear of being liked or disliked. I’ve worked really hard and now I’m reaping the benefits.
My point is, your happiness matters regardless of the circumstances of those around you.
My other point is, don’t make plans for your life and then fall in love because you’ll be left looking at that person telling them they fucked up your whole life and that you love them in the sentence.
Author: Kait Roy
Author Bio: This is me recognizing my own happiness is valid and why you should too.