I cannot believe this is happening to me! I am only 22 years old! I want to travel, see the world, dance, run, make love … These were just some of the thoughts that were running through my head several years ago when I was diagnosed with Sciatica and had excruciating back pain. I could not lie down, stand up, walk or sit pain-free. I was devastated, frustrated, felt completely helpless, hopeless and depressed. But in a couple of weeks I was able to completely reverse my pain and start an unbelievable journey!
I moved to my hometown to go work for a firm where I promised I would. A promise, to me, was sacred. Even if I was young and all I wanted to do was stay in the big city, study, and work in a part-time job that was easy and fun.
“I had to,” I said to myself. “I promised.”
So I started working there. The company was happy with my work, but I felt like I was rotting on the inside. I would go to the big city every weekend to hang out with my friends; to be free and to do anything I wanted.
And then it started one Monday. The unbearable pain in my back, in the lower right side. It shot me down like a lightning bolt. It was a burning sensation with a combination of excruciating pain. It hurt so bad that I could not sit any longer. I was standing up and doing the work. I did not say a word to anyone, as I have always wanted to be tough and keep any weaknesses to myself. I could worry, complain and freak out in the privacy of my room.
It had gotten so bad that I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with Sciatica. Solution? A ton of painkillers and anti-inflammatories. I was used to pills, having been sick ever since I can remember. I dragged myself to the pharmacy, then squeezed in my car somehow and drove home. That is where the crying began.
So the next couple of days I would just rest. Getting any sleep at all was impossible; it would hurt no matter how I laid down. I still insisted on taking my walks in nature. But every day I was able to walk less and less as the pain became unbearable. As time passed by I drove to my favorite spot, instead of walking, and I just cried there. I felt so alone. I felt abandoned. I felt unloved. I was terrified. Will I ever be able to walk and exercise again?
Besides a couple of tests and popping painkillers like M&Ms, nothing major happened. The advice remained the same: “Rest and if it gets worse, come back.”
Ten days later I went back to the doctor as it got worse, and I got really strong painkillers – this time directly in my butt. I even recall not being able to get up after those injections because I was feeling sick and dizzy. I was crying to myself, thinking “This is the lowest I have ever felt physically. I have never felt so disempowered and weak”.
Three weeks after I had gotten my diagnosis, the last drop of hope and belief that I will get better went out the window. Now I was freaking out completely.
“What am I going to do? Is this it for me? I am only 22! I want to see the world. What is going to happen with my internship in Paris now? I have always dreamed of going and now I won’t be able to! This cannot be it! I cannot live like this. Why is this happening to me? Am I a bad person? Do I deserve this? Did I bring this on myself, somehow?” I felt terror, panic and complete and utter despair.
The next day, I was hospitalized. I was told that my spine looked as if I was 50 years old and that the operation was not needed just yet. I got really scared, thinking “What is that supposed to mean? Can I travel anywhere or do I need to stay fearful and cautious for every move that I make, for the rest of my life?”
After a couple of days, I was home again. No solution and the pain was still there. It felt like I was imprisoned in the ‘Dos’ and ‘Don’ts’ of my movement, and my life! The medication was treating the symptoms, but not the cause. I wanted my body back! I could not live in this paralysis of fear, feeling petrified that my next move would trigger the pain again.
That was the time when I discovered one book in the local library; it talked about how anyone can heal their back pain only with the help of their mind. I remember thinking “This is nuts! Seriously, I am supposed to believe that I brought this onto myself?? I do not want to be sick, I want to be healthy! How can my mind influence something as physical as my spine?” But having tried absolutely everything else, I decided to open my mind. I still felt like I was about to read a sci-fi book, but it was my last resort.
I could not believe it! This author just described me, literally. Apparently, back pain is very common in people who worry a lot and are perfectionists, among other characteristics. I read how we force ourselves to do things we do not really want to do, but we do them anyway to please everyone around us.
OMG! This is me! I am in this job, and I am not there because of me. This epiphany really sunk in. I was able to see that pleasing everyone else, but myself, was making me, and keeping me, sick. I started then and there, simply by accepting myself and that it was absolutely okay not to be in love with this 9 to 5 job. It was okay. It was not the end of the world.
Guess what happened? After three days of reading this book, my back pain and sciatica were gone! Completely gone! No pain, no numbness, nothing! If you would have told me this a week ago, I would surely think you were insane.
This changed my life completely. It can be scary sometimes because we have this idea in our heads of how our life ‘should’ be, along with the expectations from our family, friends and society. But you do not have to live your life the way others want you to. Instead, you truly can live your life doing whatever it is that you want to do. Just as I have healed myself, so can you! Your mind is wonderful and powerful and you can either use it to dictate your life with ‘should-s’, or you can use it to empower yourself and to achieve what your heart desires. It is always up to you. You are the creator of your life.
Author: Tina Suklje
Author Bio: Tina Suklje is a Mindset Coach and Inner Goddess Activator and she empowers women around the world to be themselves, to listen to their soul, which she calls Inner Goddess, and to start living the life of their dreams. She changed her career from a Criminal Justice expert, healed herself of several conditions and now she empowers and supports other women to do the same through working on their mindset, guiding them towards self-love and self-confidence, and showing them how their body is communicating to them through the mind-body connection. Tina is also a founder of WorldNaturelle, a passionate Healthy Living enthusiast, Healthy Foodie, Nature and Animal Lover, Book Worm, Book Editor, and completely in love with her life.
Link to social media or website: http://worldnaturelle.com