I know the day she left

I just don’t know what time

Where did she go?

I don’t miss her

I don’t even know how she left

She was there

I swear she was there

And then she wasn’t

When I think back, I feel saddened by her

People didn’t stay

People stayed away

People moved out

She was just there

So alone

I didn’t know what to do

I should’ve shown up sooner

I just didn’t know how to help her

Or where to start

I came across her briefly every now and again

She just passed by though

I was such a small thought she had

She wanted to live like I did

She wanted to be me

She just didn’t know how to get there

So she gave up

Where did she end up?

Where did she go?

She’s not coming back

She’s not

I won’t let her

I don’t want her here

She’s too far gone

I’m already here

She was wrong

I had to lose her

I abandoned her

I never came back for her

She was so there

She was so her

Where did she go?

She’s right here

She is me

But I’m not her





Author: Michelle Hout
Email: michellek729@hotmail.com
Author Bio: I am a Christian. I am a happily married mother of twins and reside in Massillon, OH. I spent seven long years self-destructing as an alcoholic. Thankfully, I have spent the past year and a half sober. On September 26, 2016, I changed. Finally, it was over. My submission is a conversation depicting the question of where my old self is now, and how unwelcome she is to return. Sobriety divides people, and I wonder where the other half of went when I changed. Does that side of myself just die off; or is she lingering waiting for me to open the door for her to come back?


by Michelle Hout

Struggle, motherhood, love, work, growth...this is a woman. See what it tastes like.

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2 responses to “Her

  1. Thank you Michelle, for sharing your deep message! It had to be hard living that way for so long, and now… Yeah for you!!! To become your own person, not attached to a bottle, and to be willing to share it, has to be the best feeling ever. Congratulations on your recovery, your conversion, and your trust in our Lord! I’m so proud of you, and can only imagine how proud God is of you! Love you Girlie!

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