The days are feeling colder, nights are getting longer, and more than anything, you’re hornier than ever before. You know what time it is.
Cuffing Season
While we’re already physically and emotionally exhausted from the arrogant actions of fuckboys just from last month, it’s hard to ignore the longing feeling for someone to cuddle with during these cold nights. Now, you’re probably over dealing with guys; they’re confusing, immature, emotionally unavailable, and self-centered. Even attempting to find a decent guy can feel like completing a game of 2048. But maybe we’re looking for men in all the wrong places. Maybe it’s time we start finding guys that enjoy life the right way. Forget finding a guy that’s determined and ambitious. Or a guy passionate about the earth. No, now is the perfect time to find a guy that likes tea.
Yes. Tea. Believe it or not, tea is the main factor we’ve been ignoring when it comes to men. After what feels likes centuries of researching (Instagram stalking) and interviewing (sleeping with) guys, I have finally figured out which ones are worth pretending to orgasm for. The ones that appreciate a nice cup of tea. Now, let’s go over all the reasons your new man is perfect, and it isn’t only because he likes a little extra sugar.
Better for Your Health
Not only is tea tasty, but tea is also healthy! Tea is known to help reduce the risk of heart attack, protect against cardiovascular and degenerative diseases, and the antioxidants in tea might help protect against a ton of cancers. So not only is your man healthier than most, but you reap the benefits of becoming a healthier version of you! That’s what I like to call a power couple.
Best Remedy for the Cold
A nice warm cup of tea feels equivalent to a huge, tight hug, and now you can have the pleasure of feeling both. Crawling into bed with your man is already the coziest feeling, add a cup of tea and you are now engulfed with warmth. Plus, a guy that enjoys tea definitely enjoys cuddling, which is the main reason we find boyfriends during this season anyway.
Sick Days
Whether it’s mental or physical, feeling achy and lethargic is the worst. Luckily, with your tea-loving boyfriend, you now have exactly what the doctor ordered. He can whip you up a nice cup of tea to help cure that cold. Or you’ll be soothed to sleep and feel stress-free after sipping from that mug. No matter what the issue is, in all likelihood, tea can solve it. Having a hot boyfriend make that cup of tea for you is just the sugar on top.
Classy
These guys enjoy the finer things in life. That’s just a given. Guys that drink tea have an affection unlike most. They want to comfort you the way tea can. They know just how to make the perfect cup, with the right amount of sugar verse honey ratio. And they understand which exotic flavors blend together well, satisfying your palate every night. Best of all, tea guys are usually not into coffee, which means no more kissing Mr. Coffee breath! YAY!
Tea Makes You Hotter
Tea can do wonders for your body. Guys that like tea can do even more. Drinking tea consistently will help hydrate you, relax your mind, and provide your body with more energy. They say hormones from consistent orgasms help your body and skin flourish, add tea to the mix and you’re smokin’! Research suggests the antioxidants in green tea extract increase the body’s ability to burn fat as fuel, which can improve muscle endurance, making you more likely to exercise with heavier weights, for longer. Who said anything about winter weight? Not only will you maintain a hot body, but if your boy consistently uses this endurance from tea to increase his stamina in bed, those orgasms might become even more consistent.
So stroll into your nearest Teavana, and asses the men in the room. I’m sure at least one of them is just your cup of tea.
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