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Relationships

How to Learn to Be Alone (Again) and Be Happy About it

A breakup can seem like the worst possible thing ever to have happened to you. And while there is certainly no denying the heartache, we’re not here to dwell on the negative. No, we’re going to help you realize that you can be happy again, even if that means on your own.

Smashing the “they lived happily ever after” myth

Let’s first touch upon the one thing that will probably be the hardest to come to terms with, but that will also help you truly live your best life. You don’t need anyone else to be happy. I know we’re all conditioned to believe in undying love, in Prince Charming and a fairytale ending. However, we are just conditioned that way – it’s not necessarily the truth.

One of the main reasons we’re not happy in the first place is that we feel we need to have someone by our side, someone we are a perfect match with. And then when we don’t, we easily fall into the trap of feeling incomplete and discontent.

The thing is – you are fine just the way you are. Alone, with your own self for company, spending time with your own mind, body, and spirit. If you expect happiness and content to come from an external source, you won’t actually ever be happy. Or, at least, you can easily stop being happy once that something is taken out of your life.

How to be happy on your own

Admittedly, accepting the above will be the most difficult part of your journey, and it will require a lot of work. You can start by noticing the thought patterns that are causing you pain and negativity. Every time you notice one, work your hardest to eliminate it by taking on a different perspective.

Also, know that getting over the breakup of a relationship will take time – and there’s no way around that. You simply have to trust the process (and yourself), and not expect yourself to feel better all of a sudden. There will be tears, there will be late-night phone calls, there will be eating ice cream for breakfast.

Don’t beat yourself up about any of that. It’s all just a part of the grieving process. And while you’re giving yourself time to heal, try to occupy your mind and body with something that does you good. Here are a couple of ideas:

Spread out

The one thing about leaving a relationship is that you are now able to take up some of the room in your life the other person has occupied. Both physically and mentally. You can start by rearranging your home, taking up any newly-vacated areas (this includes the bed), and enjoying all the space.

But don’t forget to use the time you now have to do what makes you happy. Whether that is watching all the TV shows and movies the other person was not into, going to a yoga class now that you have time in the mornings, or staying up late and testing out your new makeup brushes – as long as it makes you feel good, go for it.

Work on the silver lining

While it may be difficult to see your new situation as positive, you can easily find something good if you just try. Even if you’re going through the particular heartbreak of a broken engagement, think of the ways you can treat yourself using the money from your engagement ring. Think of all the spectacular, colorful, and meaningful things you’re going to find when you shift your focus inwards. Think of the time you have to spend with friends and family; think of all the boring functions you will no longer have to attend.

I’m not advocating dragging your ex through the mud. But every relationship has those little nagging chores that you would rather skip – and now is your chance to use them to your benefit and let them help you get through the initial rough patch.

Don’t listen to others

You and you alone know what you need right now, and you know that you can be happy on your own. Don’t let others ruin that for you, and don’t listen to the pity party that may come your way. Don’t listen to the advice of “getting back in the dating game soon” or how you should cope differently.

Although all of this advice is most often well-meaning, don’t let it get to you: you know yourself best, and you know what you want to be doing with your life.

Final thoughts

Being alone does not equal being lonely or sad. Once you accept this fact (and yes, it will be hard), you will suddenly feel much better about life in general – relationships included.

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by Sarah K

Sarah is a life enjoyer, positivity seeker, and a curiosity enthusiast. She is passionate about an eco-friendly lifestyle and adores her cats. She is an avid reader who loves to travel when time allows.

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