I would like to know why we say “understand.” Do we understand because our emotions are constantly ‘under’ the surface? Is it because our emotions always need a shovel? Is it because they are always equated with things that are hard to get to, hard to accept, and hard to manage? I want to begin to ask myself why I feel as though my emotions are at the bottom of a grave that I must get to the bottom of in order to ‘under’stand them. I want to, instead, start to ‘inner’stand myself. These emotions don’t live at the core of the earth, under thousands of years of soil and erosion. They live much closer than that. These emotions live inside us. They live in our blood, our tears, our minds, our hearts. It’s time we stop acting as though these things are so separate from ourselves. Emotions are a part of us, not apart from us. So let’s start ‘inner’standing ourselves, rather than ‘under’standing ourselves.
I don’t want to feel as though I have buried all the beautiful emotions that I have experienced and touched with my soul. Those emotions are inside of me, waiting to be heard, and waiting to be welcomed by someone who doesn’t feel like it’s a chore to study them.
I’m tired. I’m tired of feeling like I shouldn’t cry at the movie theatre. I’m tired of feeling like I shouldn’t tell someone that they’re hurting my feelings. I’m tired of acting indifferent towards my own achievements when I want to scream in excitement and pride. I’m tired of the ‘mysterious’ people being glorified for hiding their pain. Why aren’t we praising the ones who shamelessly cry into the ocean? Why aren’t we praising the ones who say “I love you” first, despite the risk?
Impressive is not the ability to stop feeling. Impressive is the ability to ‘inner’stand every emotion, every feeling, every part of you.