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Relationships

Is there a right way to break-up?

My boyfriend and I of three and a half years recently ended our relationship. No one cheated or did anything wrong, we simply realized that we were moving in different directions and didn’t see our lives ending up together. That being said, we still loved each other. It’s possibly the hardest and easiest way to break-up. There are no angry tweets or Instagram posts, but on the other hand, you still enjoy having the person in your life and don’t know how to fully let go.

We decided to have open communication, to try and ease the heartbreak. When we were ready to unfollow each other on social media, we’d let the other person know. If one of us was having a really bad day, maybe we would text. However, we would not see each other, and we would not talk about our feelings. It isn’t the most typical way to end things. Most people go full blackout, blocking numbers, deleting photos and burning love notes. Completely removing the person as if they never existed. But they did, and you can remove every material piece of evidence, and in the end, they’ll still forever be a part of your life.

Our theory was to remove the terrible anxious emotions you get from stalking the other person and wondering what’s going on in their lives. There is no worse feeling than seeing an Instagram story of them out with their friends at a bar and wondering what’s going on. Are they happier now? Did I make a mistake? Instead, we would just tell each other. Is it the conventional way? No. Did it work for us? Yes, for the most part.

There were still days and nights where I cried and desperately missed him. But it eased my pain to know if I texted, he would respond and still be kind to me. Did it prolong things? Possibly, it took a bit longer for us to remove each other from our lives in a way that most people do; but I never looked back at that as a bad thing. In the end, it made us value the relationship we had more and stay true to the people we were through and through.

Overtime heartbreak heals and people grow. You move to a new place or meet new people, and the person who once meant everything is now a part of your past. We knew we would eventually get to that point in time, but wanted to get there the best way possible. Would this work for every relationship? Probably not. Sometimes people break-up in messy ways. There are also people who would rather cut the other person out. Like ripping off a band-aid, they’ve done it before and know the short-term pain is better than the slow burn. Our love was a slow burn and I was okay to see it leave the same way.

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by calissa-kirilenko

I am a lifestyle, wellness and travel writer. My passion is storytelling, whether it be through the form of an image, an article or an interview. I love creating and sharing stories because I believe that is what brings us together. I am a graduate of the NYU Summer Publishing Institute and have a Bachelor of Arts in Media Production from Ryerson University.


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