Job hunt — and how do I make myself sound good?
Recent (4 years, when does recently become distant?) graduate that can’t seem to get a handle on herself long enough to apply her skills. Personal presentation is impeccable, though. Eyes painted, tongue sharp. Witty conversationalist. People person. Can aptly code-switch in all three languages she speaks. Degree from abroad. The Southern Hemisphere abroad, though. The kind of abroad that raises the wrong eyebrow. Working on personal translation project — converting feelings to words, dragging pen on paper attempting to draw meaning. Feeling myself stuck and then dreaming up a new adjective to accurately describe my state of mind.
Four years of internships when I believed that was the path I’d trail. Corporate communication was a good fit for my style of precise productivity. There were rules to follow, guidelines, editing. Reaching the goals that were set for me. Feeling a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day, a sense of being overwhelmed throughout it. Cut to relocating from Brazil to Bridgeport, CT. Four years of hands-on restaurant experience learning how to serve the type of person I never wanna be. Interpersonal skills, time management. Managed to sneak in cry breaks on busy Saturday night shifts when the anxiety and self-loathing reached unfathomable heights and spilled out the eyes.
Job hunt — but am I hunting them or them me? I will scroll and apply and attempt to sell you myself as the Monday miracle your enterprise needs. Adaptability will make me the best fit for your opportunity. But do I fit the description? Is anyone really that necessary, and, if they are, could that be me? Does anyone qualify, and, if they did, would I? Is the way I see the world my upper hand or my demise? When does attention to detail become an obsession and when does imagination become delusion and when does mindfulness become paranoia? Clear communication and strong problematization abilities build up my controversial employee repertoire, which could be wrongly assessed as an “attitude issue”.
Strong values make for a good work ethic. I believe in grammar and style and clarity, and I believe in my ability to edit myself into better versions. I save them in neat files, easy access. There is one best suited for each occasion, there is a me for every circumstance. All this separation can be confusing. Are they all me, or some, or none? Still, I search, day in, day out. We are all looking, hopeful, tired.