How does someone actually “get over” a break up? It seems simple to the outsider who didn’t just get their heart ripped out of their chest.
“Just get over it.”
“You’re too good for them.”
“You’ll find someone better.”
They make it seem so easy…but that wasn’t my experience.
I recently dealt with a break up—that is, if you call 9 months ago recent. For me, it is. To this day, I still think of his face, wonder what he’s doing at least once a day and profusely check my email to see if he’s decided to reach out.
Trust me, I’m doing much better now than I was in the beginning. I was the most depressed I had ever been in my entire life. On top of it all, I was going through a completely new experience, living in another country teaching English for the first time. I was miserable.
When he told me there was someone else, my heart sank to a depth it had never been to before. We’d been dating long-distance in two different countries for the four years we were together, so we opened the relationship when we each embarked on new journeys in life. The idea was that we’re human and needed affection that we couldn’t physically give each other…but that was it. Nothing serious was supposed to develop, especially not as fast as it did for him. But, he found someone, and she made him “happy.”
Pain. Anxiety. Betrayal. Sadness. Anger.
I went through these emotions all at once, and then separately as I came to terms with knowing that someone had taken my place. My place. Someone else was giving him pleasure. Someone else was holding him at night. Someone else had taken my whole world. All I could do was let my emotions take over and try my hardest for the next few months to pull myself out from the depression that I thought would never end.
I was told that he’s on his own life journey, and that I should be happy knowing he’s doing what’s best for him. But how could I be happy for him when I was suffering day and night? I was deteriorating down to nothing while he was already laughing and sharing new memories with someone else. How was that fair for me?
I’ve come to the realization that it wasn’t fair, and it’ll never be fair. But someone very special taught me something that really helped me “get over it.” She told me that love isn’t always experienced just once. As humans, we’re capable of loving so much. Why should I only limit that to one person?
Instead of being sad and angry for what I had with my partner, I should be happy that I was able to experience something so beautiful and unique with him. I consider myself lucky that I could actually feel something that powerful and profound with another human being. It was beautiful while it lasted, and now I must move on to something else.
Since we broke up, I feel as if I’ve grown to open my mind to other possibilities of love, whether romantic or pure friendships. I feel as if I enjoy the presence of my friends more than I ever could before. I enjoy the sensation of hugging them so tight that it’s as if we’re melting together. I’ve even ventured into a new romantic relationship that’s shown me a different kind of love, one that is so carefree and crazy—something my last relationship lacked. I’ve become independent. I no longer rely on others for my happiness—I create it for myself.
I don’t believe I’m officially “over it.” I still think of his face and wonder what he’s doing with his new love. But I’ve learned to focus on the new opportunities for me to love freely and openly, because I now have the ability to do so.
Whatever my future holds will be totally extraordinary and new, and I can’t wait to dive into that journey. For the time being, I’m just living as honestly and as best as I can while creating genuine, loving relationships with the humans I meet along the way. This is me “getting over it.”
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