The hardest part about being in a toxic relationship is not realizing how bad it is until it’s too late, or not being able to get out of it when you so desperately want to. It isolates you from everyone you know and love, making you believe your world only and should only revolve around one person. Yes, there’s family problems, let’s admit it, no family is perfect. But now they are made out to be the enemy and your time and efforts should not be spent on them. After all, they don’t truly care about you.
Depression and anxiety are only escalated from constantly being told, “You need to get better.” From being told you aren’t equal. You dress like a child, so you change. You learn to get rid of your personality of bright fun-loving colors and replace it with the dark moods. I used to have a bright peach raincoat. Now it’s black.
You have to come to terms that your family and your relationship will collide, but never meet in the middle. You have to come to terms that you don’t know yourself—not the way he does. Because when you say you are not angry, you really are. And when you say you are fine, you’re not. You live in a world that is so perfectly orchestrated with a behind-the-scenes that you’ll never see, because his level of control is not something you can understand.
You will be hurt and confused. Then maybe happy, but mostly confused. He will try to do everything to make you happy, but you don’t know what that is; maybe space to breathe again?
When you hit your lowest, he will be there to drag you out and continuously remind you no one else would ever do that for you.
And one day, you’ll know you’ve had enough. And you will walk away and learn who you really are.
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