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Mental Health

Lessons From A Recovering “I’m Not Good Enough” Addict

Many of us have a list of long term goals, which include marriage and a dream job. Losing both in one week led me on a path of exploring “enoughness.”

Not-enoughness can dictate our lives if we do not truly understand our worth and purpose.

Not-enoughness is a concept, a feeling, a belief.

Not-enoughness is the constant feeling of dread you walk around with that says I must have, I must get, and acquire more to prove to everyone that I am worthy. The feeling of not-enoughness will not go away no matter how much you accumulate because it usually comes from a place of fear.

We are taught that our enoughness is inextricably linked to material things and educational accomplishments. We are led to believe that when we have enough of those things, somehow life’s challenges will pass us by. We learn that the material things and accomplishments we accumulate would automatically make us happy.

We are taught that the way to produce enoughness is to figure out how to get the things that we want. What job will make you enough? What relationship will make you enough? What house will make you enough?

What are the things that we need to prove to the world that we are worthy, that we are enough? Find out what those are and relentlessly pursue them.

According to Iyanla Vanzant, there are some of us who are recovered “I’m-not-good-enough addicts” and some of us who are still recovering.

As addicts, we shoot ourselves up with a daily dose of not good enough. Sometimes, we expend a great deal of time and energy chasing things and people that are not good enough for us. Often, to get these not good enough people, we will sleep with them, only to discover they are not worth the time and energy we spent trying to get them.

When we start from a place of not-enoughness, everyday life becomes a challenge. We overcommit, we people please and dishonour ourselves which lead to feeling guilty and overwhelmed which further intensify feelings of not-enoughness.

Newsflash! There is nothing or no hing which you can acquire to make you enough. You are enough. Period. Let us consider that for a moment, in fact, let us start from that belief.

As a recovering I’m-not-good-enough addict, I have learned that many of the things and items acquired in fear to prove my enoughness were eventually lost because I did not believe I deserved them. I did not believe that there was enough. The continuous grasping for more and fear kept me from fully enjoying the fruits of my labor.

My top four lessons as a recovering “I’m-not-good enough-addict:”

  1. You are enough, period. You are both everything and have everything. Starting from that space makes life a lot simpler and fun. Nothing you do or think or wish or make is necessary to establish your enoughness.
  2. Material possessions say something about you, but they can never make you enough.
  3. Anything acquired with the belief and feeling of fear and not enoughness will be contentious. It may even be lost.
  4. There is no person that can make you feel that you are enough. Enoughness is an inside job.

As long as you BELIEVE that you are not good enough, you will never FEEL good enough. As long as you are not good enough, you cannot, will not, take responsibility for the truth of who you are.

 

Author: Akosua Edwards
Email: akosuaedwards@yahoo.com
Author Bio: Akosua Dardaine Edwards has won awards for Social Entrepreneur of the Year in Trinidad and Tobago and Caribbean Female Social Entrepreneur of the Year from the Global Innovation Partners and Caribbean Center for Excellence for Sustainable Livelihoods . She offers entrepreneurial and business support with a message of unconditional self-love and living a life in love and personal power. Akosua has published two books, Nyabo (Madam)—Why Are You Here and  “What did I Learn Today, Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love. In both, she explores self-love and transformation. Daily Lessons on the Journey – A Journal is also part of her body of work. As a gender and entrepreneurship specialist, Akosua is the founder of the Enabling Enterprise Project. It collaborates with women’s business support agencies, policy makers and women entrepreneurs worldwide. The programme focuses on enhancement, empowerment, exchange of ideas and experience, and best practices for women’s enterprise and entrepreneurship. Capacity Building with a focus on Self Improvement is her speciality. The NiNa Program for young women is the first of its kind in the region and is currently in two schools and in the St. Jude’s Home for Girls. Akosua’s latest offering, Unveiling – Looking into the Mirror of Self, a women’s retreat, was launched in 2017 with an emphasis on self-awareness and transformation. Akosua has traveled throughout countries such as South Africa, India, Grenada, Kenya, Uganda. St Vincent and the Grenadines, Columbia and Trinidad and Tobago working with women and youth entrepreneurs. Being on the ground in communities to see “first-hand the impact of the beauty of the human spirit” is what drove her to begin working in rural communities and developing countries. With great joy, she looks forward to learning from each experience and connecting with those she meets during her travels.
Link to social media or website: Instagram @Akosuaedwards | Twitter @akosuaedwards | http://www.akosuadardaineedwards.com | TED talk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VH1K7nRGrYc

 

 

 

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