Love me tinder, love me sweet, or why girls do online dating. Part 2

So why do online dating?

People use online dating not exactly for dating. Oftentimes, they use it for a self-confidence boost. When they swipe, they think they can have anyone they want. They like the idea. Like screen shopping—you won’t even try a new Dior outfit, but you can look at it online anytime. And meeting up, bothering, making an effort—meh. They need that boost because they have Instagram, where everybody’s always happy, with their huge asses, puppy pictures, and rented luxury cars.

Where did the sex go?

New York is losing its positions. It used to be sex and the city. Now it’s blah blah and the city. Where did the sex go? What happened to the city? And with weed gaining more and more popularity, taking more and more of our energy and willingness for effort, I wouldn’t be surprised if within time humankind will stop fucking for good. We’ll just go to museums.

Nevertheless, everybody claims to want to get out of their comfort zone. But on a date? Talking to a new person is already enough of discomfort, trying to figure out their madness level you’re willing to put up with as soon as possible. “I like to get out of my comfort zone on the weekends.” Ugh, Matthew, for god sakes, pop your Xanax and chill, will you?

Where did a ghost go?

We’re living in the era of assholeness. Ghosting, saying the things we’re not supposed to say out loud ever, not saying the things we’re supposed to say the sooner the better, lying not to seem to mean, being mean and covering it up with “I’m joking” exclamation. There are so many socially awkward people these days.

What the fuck is happening with communication today?

We were born to perfectly understand each other, using our verbal and non-verbal methods of information exchange. Yet somehow it became incredibly hard to have a decent conversation. And that’s super discomforting. I blame political correctness, me too, and the natural stupidity of certain individuals. I still could not care less about how many siblings one has. That is still for some reason the most common question at an interview date.

Do online dating as an adult.

Yes, the first date is still an interview, but of a different kind. You meet, you talk about your shit; and the question in between the lines is “So, this is my shit. Would you like to put up with it?”

That’s what it means to date in your thirties. That’s what it also means to actually get to know each other.

For the last thirty-two years, I’ve been going through puberty. At least that’s what it felt like. Oh, that’s what it means, nope, don’t go there, bad idea Mila, but maybe? Ouch, that hurt..and all that stuff, you know. Then it was a year of bad haircut decisions. And here I am—thirty-four years old. I am a grown-up. This means I fucked a twenty-something-year-old. Yep. This is how you know: adulthood.


Twenty-something-year-old men, with their stupid Vans kicks and a free New Yorker bag and like six roommates. They have an attitude and a good understanding of economics, a six-pack and an eating disorder, or what some call vegan.

A twenty-something-year-old man is like the new Motorola Razr of 2020—you see it, you’re amazed by it, you think it’s totally a crazy idea to combine a flip phone with a touch screen but you’d like to try it because you really, really like the way it looks. You have a crash. And you also remember the way Motorola Razr V3 was when you were a twenty-something-year-old.

Nostalgia and boredom is an exciting but stupid mix.

You haven’t felt excitement in years. So you want to try it anyway. But when you do, reality kicks in only to encounter that it’s still a fucking android while you’ve always been an avid and loyal iPhone user. Besides, you and Motorola have literally nothing in common, except that you might jerk off to its pictures twice but that’s it.

Twenty-something-year-olds are weird. Well, me too! The good kind of me too, though. I’m from Eastern Europe—in America, I’m weird by default.

Only unknown people are normal. All it takes to get over a crash is to get to know the person.

Yeah, being a grown-up in New York City means I’m very much into a new porn category. It’s called real estate listings. I can just open one of those websites and enjoy my night. I usually start with a prelude: co-ops in Washington Heights for two hundred and fifty thousand. Then I move to condos in Midtown to spice it up. And when I’m ready to finish: houses in California for eighteen million dollars give me instant pleasure. Unlike men from online dating websites. They keep giving me all kinds of reasons not to date them. So I listen and agree.

But you know what? There will always be men around. Eight million people in New York City (minus women, minus gays, minus guys who can’t use chopsticks) is more than enough to choose from.

And finally.

Why girls do online dating at all? Um…boredom?

When a relationship ends, it feels like you’re missing something special. That special is your time spent on building that relationship, investing in shared intimacy and special moments. Men are like a train—the next one is always coming. What about the wasted time? Hey, my two books are not a waste! 😉

Why girls do online dating. Part 1

If you like this article, check out: https://www.harnessmagazine.com/the-girl-without-a-country/

by Mila Lyons

Author of New Yorkers Hate Food and Privacy Policy novels.


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