You’ll never know what it does to me; the same liquid that gives you courage burns my soul from the inside out like hot lava seeping through my veins.
You want to ease the pain, make it better, stop feeling anything at all, so you keep drinking, keep numbing, keep punishing yourself. But you’re punishing me.
Did you know the pain of loss could be felt long before a loved one is gone? Because I do. I know.
Again and again and again I feel the loss when for but a moment I have dared to hope. Moments later, I have watched that hope collapse. Washed away once again by the river of addiction.
You’ll never know how deep it cuts; the pain that comes with failing to save you. Failing to be enough to make you want to save yourself.
I reach out, desperately wanting to feel the comfort of your hand. Of your willingness to try. But all I feel is the sting of rejection.
My heart aches as I watch you fade, unable to hold on. Do you know what it feels like to stop recognizing a loved one? To stand in front of their empty shell knowing you may never truly see them again?
Because I do. I know.
So please, take another sip of your liquid courage as you cheers to a life not lived. Drown your sorrows while those around you drown in the pain of your loss.
But did you know that our tears could fill a million of your beloved bottles? That your liquid courage will force us to find the courage to say goodbye?
Because now you do. You know.
Author: Lara O’Keefe
Author Bio: Lara O’Keefe is a freelance writer and photographer based in Toronto, Canada. She has an intense need to explore the world, pet dogs on the street, and laugh at her own puns. In her spare time, you can find her wandering the streets with a camera or sipping coffee and/or wine in one of Toronto’s many delightful mom and pop shops.
Link to social media or website: http://www.laraokeefe.com