Meeting with death

Your body was frail, and your movements were slow.

I watched you from the other side of the room.

I avoided eye contact because I didn’t want you to see the pain gathering in my eyes, I didn’t want you to glimpse the fear that captured my heart and I couldn’t bare to show the uncertainty of my mind.

The small needles in your arm kept you from being too conscious.

I watched as you would slowly fall into a sleep as you sat at the edge of the bed.

Where would you go? What were you thinking?

We didn’t talk much towards the end.

You coughed a lot and always had to spit out the yellow acid-like fluid.

Your breathing was heavy and never consistent. I hated listening to that.

It broke my heart to watch you like this.

I began to see emptiness in you.

Where light once lived, darkness slipped in.

Where joy once resided, fear was making a home.

Where life used to be abundant, I could see the spaces growing emptier.

I wonder what you were thinking, what you were feeling.

You were never a person to share your feelings.

You kept them wrapped up like a butterfly in its cocoon.

Only when you were ready did you let me pull them out.

But I didn’t this time, I didn’t ask you to share them.

I wasn’t sure if you wanted to.

Did you want to? Would you have told me if I had asked?

I think there are parts of me that didn’t want to know, only because I had no idea how to comfort you.

Just like in the beginning, I had no idea what to say.

I would have never in a million years thought that I would be viewing you on a hospital bed, lifeless.

The borrowed breath taken back.

The color in your face, drained.

The warmth in your hands, now cold.

The radiation from your soul, gone.

I met death for the first time that day.

And I had no words for him.

Like this post? View similar content here: The Claws of Letting Go

by Anjelicacarrasco

I go by Jel, its like hair Gel but with a J.

I write as a form of expression.

It gives me a way to free my thoughts through words on paper. I have yet figured out how to share certain things by mouth.

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