My insecurity lay for years like a blanket at the foot of my bed.
Sometimes without thinking I pull it up around me,
as if it will keep me warm and safe.
It seemed to have been there for as long as I could remember,
growing thick and heavy and coarse, sewn with the threads of fear, doubt, worry, not enoughness.
The belief in lack was so strong and complete,
with money, with time and energy and discipline and creativity. From childhood to menopause,
from Sober to drugs and alcohol to Sober again,
from relationship to relationship,
From believer to non-believer and back,
through it all, there was my blanket.
And in it, under it, always alone.
Always, where is God?
Always, why am I not enough?
Always, is this all there is?
Somehow the pain of wrapping myself in that blanket, As familiar as it may have been,
Wore the smallest tear in the fabric,
A tiny hole, just a glimmer of light.
And from the darkness I began to fight.
I had forgotten the beauty of life,
But suddenly I could see the possibilities. I listen and I learned and I prayed,
And yes I hoped it was real.
I started to trust in what I could feel.
Drawn to teachers and teachings that lit up my heart, I slowly but surely began to take part.
Truth shouting so clearly,
It canʼt be ignored or denied.
My bruised and weary spirit filling with joy,
I laugh and I sing and even cried.
Loneliness began to subside, aloneness began to dissolve. How could it stand in the Light of truth?
There is only One Life
That Life is Godʼs Life
That Life is Perfect That Life is my life Now!
Where is God? – everywhere – in, thru and as all!
Why am I not enough? – I am made in the spiritual image and likeness of Divine Love, and have always been enough!
Is this all there is? – only if thatʼs all I can imagine, and only until I plant a higher thought into Divine Mind and Law!
I know thereʼs a Power and Presence, Divine and Perfect, love, harmony, joy, beauty, abundance…words fail to describe the indescribable. It is the intelligence governing all life, creating more of Itself from Itself, endlessly giving to Life Itself, never contradicting Itself. I know I am one with It, infused with all of Its qualities, an individualized expression of That which created me, inseparable from the One. I know there is nothing absent in me because I reflect the Divine, that I am filled to overflowing with everything needed to live the best life ever right now. And because I KNOW that about me, I know it must be true for everyone, and I can honor the reflection and expression of God that each of us is. I bless each of our journeys, knowing that we are One with the One, on this magnificent adventure together, rising into our highest Self. So grateful and thankful for this knowing, I release my word into the Law, knowing it is done unto me as I believe, and I just allow it to be so. And so it is!
My blanket of insecurity has been replaced by a new and beautiful blanket, that of peace.
Itʼs fabric is created from the threads of prayer meditation visioning and affirmation.
And it is lush and yummy, and converts to a garment that is perfect in any environment, any weather, any time.
Sometimes I find a piece of the old blanket that I thought was gone.
But Now I can see light thru itʼs thin material.
Now I know it doesnʼt keep me safe and warm.
Now I love itʼs lessons and bless it for all it has led me to and thru. And because NOW is the only time there is,
NOW I am free!