You know that girl slowly walking down the hall of her high school? Who was somehow deemed as the most beautiful person in the school? Look to the right against the lockers and there’s me, – the 5’7” awkward Caribbean girl, with a look of curiosity. For years I have never been that girl and it never bothered me. Mostly because throughout my adolescent years I only cared about having fun and obsessed over the band One Direction. Not to say that I was entirely opposed to or didn’t find anyone attractive, I was never good at it.
My first attempt to connect romantically happened in elementary school. The first real burning emotion I had for someone. Not thinking about being rejected, because I was that confident and naïve at the time, I walked up to him and told him how I felt–through a note, which said: “I like you.” After giving it to him, I ran away. He walked up to me and said, “Alyssa here’s your stupid note.” My little heart was broken but that didn’t mean there were not more attempts.
From that point, if I had a crush, I would simply not tell them or just my friends; instead, our imaginary relationship would play in my head until I got bored with them. However, the brave side of me decided to try again. Attempt #2 was in high school and this person was not someone I wanted to invest any of my time in, it was all superficial. One day when my friends and I were sitting in my empty class, waiting for it to start, he walked in. Your stereotypical jock, letterman’s jacket and athletic bag, with a look that screams, “Yeah, I know I’m hot.” No one needed to tell him that, especially me but I did anyway. He says to me, “Hey, I like your shoes.” And my clever mind responded with, “Thanks, I like your face.” He laughed and went on with his day.
My last attempt was also in high school, but this time I planned the attack. We shared lunchtimes but were in different classes. Instead of waiting weeks, I walked up to him and said, “Hey, I think you’re really cute. Ok bye.” He grabbed my arm and was flattered. We exchanged numbers and talked for a while. Unfortunately, he ghosted me and ended up dating one of my friends at the time. I told myself I wasn’t good at dating and should avoid the stressful process altogether, if someone were to even count my encounters as dating. Whatever feelings I had were officially kept to myself.
Not many people in this age group are love gurus, but by growing up with technology who is to say we aren’t? Flirting with someone online is typically easier because you have time to think of something clever. Emoji ’s and GIF’s can instantly convey our feelings of wanting a relationship or simply a hookup. If they rejected you, then you would painfully get struck when seeing “read” on your message or get ghosted (being ignored). It also doesn’t help that when scrolling through social media, we sometimes see a post with the caption, “Relationship Goals” of a couple who made an intimate and unique gesture for someone; just staring at the screen wishing we were that person.
One can look at that in many ways. They are either posting it to show off how happy they are or just to get likes. Another way we could show our commitment to someone is by putting their name in our Instagram bio with a few emoji’s behind it; I guess that is how some in my generation show their love.
At the end of the day, we are all human and no one likes to believe that they are unwanted; we simply want someone who matches our energy. However, when you are in college not everyone wants that and if they do, then they don’t have a direct way of showing it without a keyboard attached to their fingers. Thanks to Tinder, that made honest and direct hookups possible. One swipe at a time, we get to superficially decide who we want to spend the night with, along with a few outliers who wanted something real. But it was universally known as the hookup app. I have downloaded and deleted this five times, not for hookups, just for curiosity.
The fifth and final time I got Tinder, I made the decision to go on a date with someone after talking for a few days. He didn’t seem like a creep. The day came and throughout my classes, it’s all I could think about: my first date! I would do something that as kids our parents, cheesy PSA’s, and even the TV show “Catfish” told us not to do; meet someone online in person. When meeting him, I was relieved but still nervous. He was cuter in person, had a nice deep voice and we shared a good conversation.
Everything was going well until his car shut down on the highway. My thought, “Of all people, of course, this would happen to me.” It didn’t stop us from having a good time, but when realizing that no one would stop for us, we walked on the highway at night. He said we should hitchhike, and I just looked at him with a face that screamed, “You must be crazy.” Instead, we walked to the nearest gas station and I called my friend to pick us up and drive us back to his place. When we got there, we made dinner and continued to have a good night. An hour later, he asked me something that I should have seen coming, “Do you want to hook up?” I told him, “No” and there started a little argument about how I don’t want to. I called an Uber and waited outside his apartment until it came. On my way back to campus, I thought, “I’m going to stay single for a while.”
