Why We Need To Give More Space To The Victim



Take that word in.

Notice what comes up for you when you hear that word. Maybe you feel pity, disgust, fear, helplessness, hopelessness, or powerlessness. Maybe you want to run away and never look back.

Just notice, mindfully, without judgment.

Such a powerful, small, 2-syllable word with so much reaction it elicits.

We don’t like that word in our world.

The most common phrase that is corresponded to the word is, “don’t stay the victim.”

The very phrase is a complete resistance to the word.



Yet so many of us have been victimized.

We have been victims of crime, abuse, rape, bullying, war and we live in a world that turns away.



It’s not ok anymore. It was never ok, but I refuse to stand by idly and silent.

Instead of saying, “don’t stay the victim” to those who were victimized by this world I wish we would learn how to say, “honor the victim.” Honor the places where you were victimized. Honor the places where you were betrayed, abused, tortured, shamed, blamed, and denied. Allow and honor those places to come out of the shadows and be loved, seen, and cared for. Love the victim so fiercely that it transforms you from the inside out.



Fuck that.

Honor the victim.

Love the victim.

When we love the victim that is how the victim transforms. When we tell the victim not to exist that is when the victim stays stuck.

I’ve been in places where I felt the world’s fear of my pain, along with my own. That is a frightening place to be. It is very lonely and isolating. While sitting alone with myself, I would speak to my pain, my subconscious, my inner child and say, “what is it that you need?” I would hear back, “you don’t want to know. You’re afraid of me.” I would respond with, “well, yes, in fact I am terrified of you. I am terrified of what you are holding and I’m terrified that the world doesn’t know how to help you but I am learning how to love you. I am learning how to listen and how to meet your needs. If you need me to sit with you for hours while you scream and cry and tell me what happened to you then I will do that. Even if the entire world abandons you I will never ever abandon you because you are me and I am you.” I would hold on for dear life as the pain took me over and I honored and loved the shit out of the places I had been victimized. I had continual conversations with my pain for years until I was met in the quiet stillness of my breath, body, and mind.

I gave myself space.

I gave myself love.

I honored the places I had been victimized.

We don’t yet have enough spaces where we allow the victim to be honored. Yes, there are therapy offices and support groups and safe partners, but there are not near enough places. We do not know how to help each other in our pain – we do not often walk with each other in our pain.

So, honor the victim.

Love the victim.

Love your own victim and then when you have loved your victim so much that you have been transformed go out into the world and help to show someone else how it’s done; so we do not leave each other alone in such dark places.

That’s how we walk each other home to ourselves and to a state of love.

Author: Alison Binns
Email: alisonbinns01@gmail.com
Author Bio: Alison Binns is a seeker, writer, speaker, and healer. She is on a journey of unraveling in order to connect to and live from her true essence everyday.
Link to social media or website: Instagram @alisonbinns01 




by Alison Binns

Healer. Intuitive. Mental Health Advocate. Prevent Child Abuse Advocate. Writer.


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2 responses to “Why We Need To Give More Space To The Victim

  1. Hey, Alison! Thank you so much for sharing this piece with us…writing piece and piece of yourself and your story! It’s powerful, and I so agree with your insights and discoveries. I’ve often heard that we can’t take others through healing we haven’t ourselves already experienced…and I think we also can’t help others through levels of darkness that we haven’t faced down ourselves. As a fellow survivor, I love that you are writing about this! P.S. Found you on Instagram, BTW, and followed you. 🙂

    1. Anna, thank you so much for your comment! I checked out your website and writing and appreciate what you are bringing forward. I feel we have similar messages to share with the world *kindred souls*. Thank you for breaking the silence and being a voice for other survivors. Your bravery and strength does not go unnoticed. <3

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