I used to think that relationships started of as a mutual attraction or a certain chemistry between two people, but now I think that most relationships hit it off based on each other’s needs, and they also end when those needs aren’t fulfilled to its entirety or when there’s a sudden internal shift that makes you realize that you are no longer dependent on that specific need.
The needs that connect you to another person aren’t always physical needs such as sex or affection, sometimes these needs go deeper than that and you only become aware of them further in the relationship. Some of these needs may be security, support, a father figure or mother figure. You may have a need of someone that will help you set limits to organize yourself better. You may need that person to confront your fear of loneliness or challenge your beliefs. Perhaps you need that specific person to help you reveal your soft side, while another may need to become stronger and grounded. Some may need to learn to be patient while others may need to learn to take risks and trust. Whatever the need may be, it clicks perfectly with the person you choose to walk with, and even though you may struggle and argue, you both have a purpose in each other’s lives.
Sometimes it’s not about who’s right or wrong or who’s the one that needs to change within the relationship, sometimes it’s about you seeing in them what bothers you, which leads you to make the necessary change within you. It’s like having a mirror in front you reflecting back all the beautiful and not so beautiful parts about yourself. We think we choose a random stranger to love, but in reality we choose someone who reflects who we are in order to help us heal and evolve.
The needs you have transform throughout life depending on the situations you face. When you’re young your needs are taken care of by your parents, as you grow older these needs become your responsibility, but sometimes you choose another person to take care of them. But eventually you realize that no one can take care of you better than yourself. Your needs belong to you, and your partner’s needs belong to him, and the purpose of your relationships is to help each other grow without interfering in each other’s path or lessons to be learned.
When you start understanding your partner’s needs, you get used to being there for them, you know their moods and when something is wrong you jump in to fulfill what they need; you give them your “everything.” You give them your support and your time and you think it helps them, but in reality it may hurt them. Sometimes the person you’re with needs to face the challenge on their own, and as hard as it may be, taking a step back can help them to develop their own voice and strength.
When you submerge yourself in another person’s needs you lose your identity, so it’s not that you gave them your everything, you just simply forgot to take care of yourself first and by the time you decide to take care of your own needs you’ll be exhausted. Now, I’m not saying that you should be selfish and not help your partner out during difficult times, but in order to truly help them you need to be grounded and able to stand on your own two feet, that way you can support them without letting it drain you emotionally and physically.
You can’t save someone or walk the path for them, you can only walk side by side and accept them for who they are. You need to understand that everyone has their lessons to learn and it’s not your responsibility to tell them how to live their life. By solving their problems or fulfilling their needs you don’t allow them to live through their struggles or process. You take away their opportunity to grow while you drain your energy trying to put broken pieces together.
Relationships are meant to help you grow and sometimes letting someone walk their own path is greatest act of love. You can love your partner all you want but make sure you are not filling their empty cup from your empty one. When you give unconditionally and wisely you will never run out of love to give, because love is limitless and its just a matter of establishing healthy boundaries that enable you to grow while helping another grow as well without losing yourself along the way.
Give your everything to the one you love. Help them, nurture them, listen to them and care for them. But before doing any of that, give yourself that same kind of attention. You may want to give the world to your loved one, but if you’re not giving it to yourself first, you’ll end up looking for pieces to fill your empty spaces. Bathe yourself in love every single day and you will never run out of love to give, it will just keep flowing and will be received by the ones who are receptive to it.
Author: Daniela Ortiz
Your Bio: Life is a puzzle piece. You need a little bit of love, light and darkness.
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