Perchance I have known this for most of my life; I am meant to be a powerful influence in this world. I once was the embodiment of insecurity and fear. Making decisions was the most dreaded part of my daily existence. I felt that I would always make the wrong choice as exemplified by the suitors that I sacrificed myself to be with. After many beatings and wounds from giving love to men, I became a misandrist feminist. My testimony was nothing more than the bitter spew of a woman scorned disguised as empowerment. My innate inclination to be independent made it effortless to emasculate the ego-driven gender with no remorse. I was completely justified in my mind and had no tolerance for attempts at shifting my perspective.
This thinking, however, was a toxic hindrance to my spiritual growth. Questions began to surface in my mind that caused me to re-examine the ‘why’s’ and realize my voluntary involvement in the destruction of my own life. I had to admit to myself that, just as sure as my heart beats, I wanted to love. I longed to be loved in the way that I love. The shadow of nonexistence plagued my optimism of ever finding such pure, selfless love. I implanted myself in the uterus of seclusion and that is where I found my solace. After a period of growth, I felt the contractions. They were heavy, uncomfortable reminders that I could not stay in that space forever.
PUSH! Through the rebirth canal, I traveled until I crowned, preparing for that final push. One, two, three…light! I opened my eyes and realized I had awakened to a new world I’d never seen before. I found the love I sought first, within myself. I supposed I shined with such a radiant light that men mindlessly swarmed like moths to a light bulb. But with three new eyes, I could see through their smiles and lust. I was comfortable with loving myself and found no desire to share that love with a man; I no longer despised them, I just felt no desire at all. That is until I saw him. He moved around the room and I followed him. As clear as my vision was, I was nearly blinded.
This incandescent being was magnetizing. Could this be what ‘love at first sight’ means? Such a crass concept that I never once considered to have any validity until I met him. As much as I had evolved, he reminded me that I still had a long way to go. I thought I had become the greatest ‘me’ that I would ever be yet, he looked deeper. He brought me back to the fact that I had forgotten…..I am meant to be a powerful influence in this world. And with him by my side, I will be.
