Why My Parents’ Romance Has Ruined Me

My parents met at University – Dad bought Mum a drink, they went to a Tears for Fears gig and three months later, they secretly decided to be engaged, announcing this two years later to their families. Dad was 20 and Mum was 19 at the time.

At 21, I’m doomed.

I’ve been through University and it’s safe to say, no chat up lines in a bar bowled me over. (Do chat up lines exist anymore? Could people actually hear each other over the music 20 years ago?)

Now I’m in the work cycle, only my weekends are left to “find the one,” and the women’s magazines are telling me MY EGGS ARE DYING and even though women can now HAVE IT ALL, science tells me I should have conceived at around 18 for my baby to be healthy. (Here is me still wanting a puppy, waiting for those hormones to kick in…)

But never fear! I’m told apps will save my sorry ass. (Now, we have to meet people online, because the bars won’t turn their sound systems down.) On dating apps, I seem to find every man owns a dog or a cat, or next door’s animal because HE IS A LOVING MAN. Every man thinks he can’t get a date by keeping his shirt ON, and 50 percent of bios tell me if I say “Hey” to start a conversation I WILL BE INSTANTLY UNMATCHED FOR ORIGINALITY. (But…but…I’m English? ‘Hello’ and ‘How are you?’ are automated messages on my lips!)

Dating apps are not for the romantics.

So what are my alternatives? I can apparently focus on what I’d like to change (even when happy with self), develop personal hobbies (which I must not have had before, because relationships naturally kill originality) or work on friendships (because maybe, if you’re single, you’re lonely and/or a BAD FRIEND.)

All…INTERESTING suggestions of which I will take absolutely no notice (and I hope you won’t either). I am fine as I am – and so are you.



Author: Isabelle Kenyon
Email: isabellekenyon@hotmail.co.uk
Author Bio: Isabelle Kenyon is a Guildford based poet and a graduate in Theatre: Writing, Directing and Performance from the University of York. She is the author of poetry anthology, “This is not a Spectacle” and micro chapbook, “The Trees Whispered,” published by Origami Poetry Press. She is also the editor of MIND Poetry Anthology “Please Hear What I’m Not Saying.” Her poems have been published in many poetry anthologies and included in literary festivals, such as Anti Heroin Chic, Literary Yard, Bewildering Stories, The Inkyneedles anthology, the Great British Write Off, the Wirral festival of Music, Speech and Drama, Poetry Rivals and the Festival of Firsts. You can read more about Isabelle and see her work at www.flyonthewallpoetry.co.uk
Link to social media or website: Twitter @kenyon_isabellehttp://www.flyonthewallpoetry.co.uk




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