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Mental Health

Pregnancy Was Hard

Pregnancy was hard, real hard.

I had no control over my body and even worse no control over my mind. The hateful and shameful thoughts that came across me were terrifying. I hated what was inside of me and hated myself for feeling that way. Medication is what saved me from having these thoughts throughout my pregnancy. Was I selfish for trying to take care of myself so I can take care of my child? Those were the type of questions that I would ask myself. Even though the medication I was taking was monitored by my doctor, I still felt like I was poisoning both mine and my baby’s bodies. I was usually such a strong-willed person and not care what other people thought, but I was getting defeated by my own thoughts and I was so ashamed by it. My body was creating a new life and I never felt so weak in my life. 

Flash forward to 4 years later and not only have I controlled my anxiety and intrusive thoughts, but I am a loving and caring mother to my son. He is perfect in every way. Thick, dark hair, big deep brown eyes and a personality to die for. His happiness is so contagious he puts a smile on everyone’s face. I have never felt this kind of love before, but I will catch myself staring at him trying to find any flaws that were caused by me. Did the medication I take while pregnant do more harm than I thought? Guilt still haunts me and I feel responsible for anything that may
seem atypical. 

Motherhood is hard, real hard.

I have to constantly tell myself that I am doing the best that I can and if I want my son to be healthy, I need to take care of myself first. I may have my anxiety under control now, but that does not mean that I will tomorrow. I am thankful for having access to the tools that help me cope during these vicious times. The guilt may be fierce, but I am thankful. 

 

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by Ourrobinsnest

Nicole is a full time working mother who runs Our Robins Nest (http://ourrobinsnest.net), a platform to educate, support and raise awareness around modern day motherhood. Nicole helps create a lifestyle for moms who 'just don't have the time'. She shares easy recipes, simple DIY's and affordable styles. She is an advocate for maternal mental health which is reflected in her work as well.


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