Recently, I saw a story on Instagram that asked the question, “What do you look for in a relationship?” Once the answers started to file in, I noticed that all of them were typical responses such as loyalty, honesty, someone to grow with and communication. Of course, there were vain responses such as looks, financial stability or someone who has a job, someone who spoils them, answers their calls/texts, someone who doesn’t play games and so forth.
What bothered me about all of this is that people never list their attributes, yet they are quick to demand what they want out of another person. And if they do state personal qualities, it’s rarely an honest answer of who they truly are. They treat first dates as a stage, acting the part of who they want the other person to believe they are, and may continue to wear a mask until they are comfortable in the relationship—and it isn’t until months, or sometimes years, later that their true colors start to show and unfortunately, by then, it’s too late. So, why is it that they expect the other person to be their authentic selves right out the gate, if they know they aren’t doing the same?
As a society, people hold prospective partners at a standard that they don’t meet themselves. They hold back red flags that might deter the other person, and yet prolong heartbreak instead of just being honest. It’s a very true statement that you get what you put out into the world, and before we make demands on other people, we should make sure that we are worthy and able to reciprocate the things that we are asking for.
I always tell my friends to make sure they are whole by themselves before they try to be half of someone else. If you are asking for honesty, make sure you are being truthful. If you are wanting someone who is financially stable and has a job, make sure that you can say the same about yourself instead of going into dating someone with your hand out or with the expectation of them providing for you. Don’t ask for open communication if you know you have a problem expressing yourself or you are incapable of articulating how you feel without allowing your emotions to get in the way. If you know you have no desire to be committed to one person, don’t say that you want loyalty from someone else when you aren’t providing it for them. Don’t ask for someone’s attention when you know you can’t give them yours, undivided.
A lot of time wasted could be avoided if we portray ourselves for who we are and not who we want someone to believe we are. If he or she doesn’t like you, or their wants and needs don’t align with yours, that’s fine, but it’s important that we are truthful in a world where it is far too easy to tell a lie.
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