It’s been a year or so since I felt some type of sense of peace in my mind. Maybe it’s been longer than I can remember but who knows? Hell, I tried. I’ll just be wasting more time trying to recall the adventure. Within the year, I feel like I lost more than I have ever ventured. To not trusting loved ones for I hate their discovery. To being lied to, to feeling ashamed of myself, because I believe the words like “I’m nothing for real” to “I’m just overreacting every feel.” To called names, To baggy eyes, To a fatter tummy, To long sighs, my personality feels gone, my money is dry, they say talk to someone? They say help everyone? You’re better living on. When most of the time all I get is laughs and byes. Comments like I’m not strong and It’s not my time. Yet I hear everyone, but they don’t hear my sighs, I’m at the point I want to commit myself and disappear into a different land. Summer isn’t fun anymore. Geesh, I don’t even care to go outside. I just work till the day is done for a little to nothing. Seven days a week, hoping if I smile at my students, I won’t think about the lost time. no hand to hold, Even if I ask, It won’t feel like much because I feel like I broke pride and my soul went away before my eyes. With new bills to the neck, with a half-finished book to edit on my desk, with my feelings alone, it feels a mess.
Summertime isn’t the best.