This is a very personal issue of mine. I have a lot of emotion and feeling about all the domestic violence we keep hearing about on the news. It happened to me back in the late 1990s and for years, I was ashamed to talk about it. Not anymore.
My situation started with arguments in which my ex-boyfriend decided one day to start hitting me with the small pillows that were on the couch. At first they were just regular arguments, but the arguments started becoming more frequent. Then they started happening more. And more. Then one day he picked up a pillow, one of the couch pillows, and started hitting me in the head, neck, shoulders and chest. I thought it was a one time thing. Nope.
Then it escalated even more. One day he walked up behind me and put his hands around my neck from behind. That was the last straw. I’m through, I said to myself, I can’t do this or stay here any more. That was the last straw, the straw that broke the camel’s back as they say. Or in my case, the straw that broke my back.
As much as I was tired of the arguments, I really didn’t want to leave. At the time, this was my longest relationship. When I left, in April of 2001, we were together almost seven years exactly. I felt that I was the only one trying to make our relationship work the last 2 ½ years, but I felt that we could get through our struggles and problems. Sh*t, I was so wrong about that. Besides putting his hands around my neck, I also found out that he was cheating on me. From the fire into the wildfire it felt like.
I left because I figured that if he put his hands on me once, he will do it again and again. I never in my wildest dreams thought that I would ever be in that situation. I ALWAYS told myself that I would never let any guy put his hands on me and abuse me. Both of my parents were in the Army, and I will never let anybody abuse me is what I told myself growing up. That relationship showed me that some people don’t show you their true colors right away.
Fast forward to a few years ago when the NFL players, who are very overpaid, started making the news with their domestic violence against girlfriends, fiancées or wives. What gives them, let alone any guy (because a REAL MAN would never do this), the right to put their hands on a woman? Women ARE NOT, I repeat ARE NOT property to anyone. These animals, that is one nickname that I use for them, they think women of the world are pieces of property like a house or a boat. And that is because they have been treating women that way for a very long time. This STOPS NOW.
What is even more appalling is that they, either (1) they saw a family member or friend do this during their childhood or (2) someone convinced them this is how you treat a lady, or any woman. How would these disgusting excuses for the male species like us women doing these things to them? What if us women start hitting, punching, dragging them down the stairs, or beat them to a pulp? That would not solve anything, but these poor excuses for ‘men’ need to think about that before they draw their fist back again.
From my experience with domestic violence, it’s mostly a control and anger issue. Plain and simple. Instead of talking about their problems, these guys or animals, take it out on the one person that they SUPPOSEDLY LOVE. Come on, get real, wake up or quit doing drugs. Really. That is part of the problem, too: the drugs. Whether it is alcohol or the illegal drugs or prescription drugs, drugs are drugs. Of course drugs are going to make you act a lot differently compared to not using them. Any moron knows that.
I also challenge anybody who suspects or has noticed that a woman is being abused to speak up and say something. Ask her first and if she denies it, but has the signs, keep asking her. Keep bugging her because she needs at least one person she can confide in. I had a couple of my coworkers I could talk to and I am very grateful for them. But that was it. I transferred to another store with the same company three counties east and it took me awhile to make friends outside of work. Or to even hang out with a few coworkers outside of work. It took me awhile to trust people after going through that bad situation. There were many nights after I moved that I cried. I was ashamed, scared, confused and without any close friends.
We as women need to stand up to these animals or monsters and tell them NO MORE, THIS STOPS NOW! We ARE NOT punching bags, rag dolls or your property and we are not going to be treated as such. Plain and simple, to the point, in your face blunt. Period. You do not have a piece of paper that states how much tax you pay for a woman, like you do for a piece of property, like a boat, house, vehicle or a piece of land. Until our Federal Government decides to say that us women of the world are a piece of property, you animals are out of luck.
We as women need to speak up more about this very disturbing and troubling issue facing us. Our friends, coworkers and families (that includes church families) need to know what the signs are and how to approach a woman they suspect is being abused in a domestic violence situation. Everybody needs to know the signs of domestic violence and not be afraid to speak up.
The laws have changed since 1999-2000 when I was going through my abuse. I filed a restraining order against my ex-boyfriend, Jeff, but the police officers said that it WOULD NOT GO INTO EFFECT UNTIL I MOVED OUT! All the crying and describing of what took place just for them to tell me that. I didn’t know whether to scream, pull my hair out, cry some more or give up. Luckily, I did not give up and I moved out. I tell you this: NO GUY IS EVER GOING TO DO THIAT TO ME AGAIN. I have a few weapons (I do live in the South y’all), I know how to do Billy Blanks’ Tae Bo and a few other moves if I have to. But my #1 weapon? God and His Grace, Love and Compassion; and His Holy Spirit and Son, Jesus.