anxiety

FROM THE GROUND UP: GROWING INTO MY PURPOSE

I was lost. A child born in the summer, now living as an adult stuck in a perpetual state of winter. My fire was out. I had not one drop of desire to continue living. Depression had sucked the energy and happiness from me, anxiety sat heavy on my chest with its claws of tension clasped tightly around my throat, my body and head screamed in pain; I did not want this to be my life. I was tired, defeated and clinging on for the sake of the people who love me. My final straw was not being able to go to work and do what I loved. Migraines were becoming more frequent and debilitating, and my anxiety could not take one more conversation with my boss about why I could not come in when my head felt like it had an axe buried in it, and even the faint glow of my cellphone had me crawling to the toile...

AN ODE TO ANXIETY

Please set me free anxiety, I’m sick and tired of the sleepless nights that without a reason you think I deserve. Please set me free anxiety, I don’t want to keep on overthinking every thought again and again. Please set me free anxiety, I don’t think I have any more tears left to cry over small things I should leave behind. Please set me free anxiety, I don’t want to give you the power to make me stop and wonder if I deserve the things I’ve been wanting for so long. Please set me free anxiety, It’s time for me to learn how to breathe again without caring what you have to say. The pity party is over, go home. – emotionally drained. ———————————————————————————————————————— She felt too many things, so many she couldn’t manage to process it all...

ANXIETY DURING THE HOLIDAYS: TAKING BACK THE FUN

With the holidays approaching, many of us should be looking forward to spending time with family and friends. However, for some of us – due to anxiety – we find ourselves more burdened with fear rather than filled with excitement. For several years now, I have been struggling with severe anxiety. While I have been making a great deal of progress with dealing with my anxiety, there are still times when I find myself struggling, and I definitely know what it is like to be both excited for the holidays, and at the same time, extremely fearful. For while many of my fears are irrational, I think anyone who suffers from anxiety knows how scared trembling legs and shallow breathing can make us feel. This is why, I’ve decided to share with you some tips I find helpful in making sure yo...

WHO DO YOU THINK U R

who do u think u r  i wish i could go one single day where every time i had something to say i didn’t start with a stop to think “well what do they want me to say” what words, what joke would it take to convince anyone to give me an extra second of their time of their lives even just have them pretend they give one shit about me as a human.  i wish i could go one single morning without waking up completely choking – on the fear i’ll never be what i want them to see – suffocating before i have the breath to say anything from the weight i’ve created that’s dragging me down as i try to jump to these standards i can’t even see from the ground Thin, Smart, Successful, Thin, Liked, Loved, Unforgettable, Thin, Beautiful, Strong, Independent, Thin. who’s even behind all of ...

BOSOM BUDDIES

My anxiety and I are best buds.   She holds me tight when the night sets in, wrapping me in her arms.   The questions start to swirl in the darkness; I wonder  Am I dying? What is this bump? I can feel my heart beating; I must be having a heart attack.  Stop, breathe; be quiet!    My anxiety and I are best buds.  She and I walk hand in hand into a room wondering if anyone would like us  She whispers in my ear, ‘They are gonna notice, because they always notice.’  Stop. Breathe; be quiet!   Smile and nod; you’ve got this, right?    My anxiety and I are best buds.  Am I going to be late? Is this dress appropriate? What would they think of me?  Oh no, I said something stupid and now it is on playing over and over in my head.   She whispers, ‘They noticed, because they always notice. Maybe you...

LIVING WITH ANXIETY & TOOLS: THERAPIST, YOGA, WRITING.

Anxiety. The seven letter word that bounces around my head on a weekly basis. I don’t know when it got here, but it’s definitely here to stay. Some days my anxiety takes a vacation and it’s no where in sight. Other days anxiety curls up next to me in bed and squeezes its arms tightly around me. You know the feeling. Chest tightening, heart racing, stomach squeezing. Your mind is running on a hamster wheel which is only making the above symptoms worse. I know my triggers now. I just get careless. I see task after task falling down like Tetris blocks into place. Eventually, all of the blocks reach the top and it’s game over. Cue all of the dreaded anxiety symptoms. There are a few things I’ve found that have helped me manage stress and in turn manage my anxiety....

THE DEVIL WITHIN THE MIND: ANXIETY

Anxiety…This is the word that suddenly gets everyone’s attention, but not always for the right reasons. When you start up a conversation with someone about anxiety, it can go a few different ways. They may think you’re trying to attention seek or may judge you for the topic you’re talking about. I must admit, I used to have a stigmatized view of this disorder and would think to myself, ‘Well why would someone have a panic attack when they’re just sitting in a coffee shop, what have they got to panic about?’ That was until the day I started to see and feel my mind & body in a whole different way. The pounding heart, body temperature rising, the terrifying thoughts, the dizziness as if you’re just going to collapse at any moment and the ‘elephant sitting on the chest.’ These are ju...

BE OPEN TO UNDERSTANDING YOUR MIND

My father often tells me it is something strange in my DNA. It never occurs to him that my DNA is just a compilation of his and my mother’s. Thankfully, it does not overpower my life to the extent that I need to be medicated, but that does not mean I am not at the mercy of it constantly. It is what shapes my happiness, my sadness, my empathy, my anxiety. It is what dictates my day, who I will talk to, how I will talk, who I will be. I feel things intensely. When I arrived in Boulder for college, only knowing the comfortable high school I had left behind in my Philadelphia suburb, I was ready for my new life. I was extroverted and friendly the first month, but fell victim to the vulnerability and unfamiliarity as others started to settle in. As quickly as I had opened up, I had violently sh...

SIX WAYS TO LOVE AN ANXIOUS GIRL

If you spend time with human beings, you know what anxiety is. Some people just deal with baseline worries and stressors, while for others, they worry daily whether or not they’re a head case. Anxiety is real. It has many definitions and wears many masks. For some people, they feel it when they’re in a plane. For others, they lay awake at night crying uncontrollably for no particular reason. Anxiety is diverse. People with clinical anxiety can be difficult to love. Not because they’re unlovable, but because they’re…anxious. Whether their anxiety is environmental, behavioral, or hereditary, something causes them to overreact, overthink…and over-protect themselves. As a woman who struggles with anxiety, I sometimes feel like I’m impossible to love &#...

A BROKEN RHAPSODY

This is her story. This is my story. This is many girls’ story. A rising anxiety. A devastating envy. A awful jealousy. A low self esteem. Why her? Not me? Is she better than me? All you want is that love in his eyes. That acknowledgement from the crowd. Distorted body in a broken mirror. You search and search. What is wrong with me? Mum says you are beautiful, you deserve the world. Dad says to follow your heart. Sister say to be wise. What does your soul say? Be happy. I want to be happy. Break the mirror for good. Take a stand. Love yourself. Why do men love other women? Because they love themselves. Why does your family loves you? Because you love you. And it is only you. You, you, you. You thought those words, big forehead, hippopotamus, too nice, too dumb you heard as a teenager woul...

ANXIETY: UNDERSTAND AND CONQUER

My first encounter with anxiety was probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever dealt with. I know that it’s a bit different for everyone, but the premises are very similar. You’re jolted into a state where your heart is beating so quickly, you might be sweaty, short of breath, the walls are closing in… the list goes on. In short – to put it frankly – you feel like you are going to die. I’m not being dramatic, it’s truly an uncontrollable sensation that creates these thoughts. The truth is, the uncontrollable nature of anxiety is what makes it worse. Not knowing when the next attack is going to happen creates another form of anxiety in itself. And that was what truly ate away at me.   I’m going to get real now. Simple things that I had...

IN THE QUIET

In the last week, my grandmother passed away. We spent hours and hours at the hospital with her after a stroke, and though her mind was still sharp and her body fought for many days, she simply could not get stronger again. Though I am so thankful to have spent time with her, I experienced a heaviness in my heart, somewhat like if you were to pick up a large stone and try holding it in your arms as you went about your day. You feel weighed down. When I have difficult emotions to deal with I like to create business in my life. I packed the weekend after losing my grandma full of time with friends, both old and new, one thing after another. I sometimes literally run from my feelings and worries, tying my Asics running shoes and plugging in headphones before heading out the door. And these th...

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