self help

PRACTICING THE F WORD

There’s something about the beginning of a new year that feels significant. There’s a freshness to it that has most of us setting goals and writing out plans for a year full of what we’re turning our intentions toward. I’m a strong believer in goals and although I set them regularly, the perspective that surrounds a new year has my heart and my mind wide open. But what if achieving your goals and creating the life you truly imagine for yourself has nothing to do with goal setting at all. What if it came down to practicing something that gave you strength, taught you grace and resulted in freedom? I’m talking about forgiveness. We know the quickest way to keep someone from evolving is to hold them to their past. So why do we do it to ourselves? Because it’s easier to...

DEAR (FILL IN NAME), ARE WE THERE YET?

When, why, how? Ugh, I hate these thoughts. When will I get to start my business? When will I get married? Will I ever be loved? I hate feeling depressed, should I kill myself? Will I ever lose this weight? Should I have gone to college? I feel like such a failure in life. When will I be able to afford to travel the world? Why do I feel this way? Why do I have to be sick? What is wrong with me? We are so familiar with these seances of the classic “Are we there yet?” questions. The highlight reels of this so-called perfect world that shines through the faces of our screens which don’t share the grimy thoughts of our minds filtering like rewind on a VCR. The increased anxiety to deplete our true selves as we become puppets to the master of this digital world that create these emotions from t...

ALWAYS PUT YOUR SOUL FIRST

Your soul speaks. Every time something feels off, or out of our character, it lets you know.  It is tired. Often, we don’t give our soul space to breathe when it is in desperate need of healing. We put ourselves aside and search for the next thing that can quench our thirst when, in reality, our soul needs us to sit. And listen. The meaning of self-love can be mistaken as being what we give ourselves on the outside, but the most tedious love is worked on from within you. In times of confusion, I have sat by myself and wondered where I can get answers and where I can escape to. When a failed attempt at love surfaces, when we are rejected, when our hopes fail us more than once, we must learn to step aside from what has caused a bruise from within. When we do not tend to internal wounds...

HOW TO START THE DAY RIGHT

It all ends well when it all starts well. Or something like that. Or at least we should try and aim for a good start even when we don’t feel like it. When I was younger, I’d think that all we needed to do was fix things as they come– tackle and go. The older I got, I realized that this is taking up so much of our energy. And no energy eventually leads to stress. If you don’t have the energy for doing much, how are you going to get that cortisol down? How are you going to focus and relax? That’s when I realized I needed a morning routine. We need rituals that would allow us to get in a state of flow early in the day. I find a morning routine to be more important than any evening ritual of self-care. Although I do have an evening self-care guide, it doesn’t go that bad when I don’t fol...

AN ODE TO 2018

As this year comes to a close, I want to extend my sincere gratitude to the people and the lessons that were shared this year. I want to take the time to be thankful for the people that I gained on my journey and cheers to the ones left behind. 2018 saw me grab the reigns on my mental health and peace of mind. I was put to the test this year more than I had been in the past, but 2018 let me know that I can withstand all trials and tribulations thrown at me and then some. Even though my spirit and mental health took a hit, I still was able to take that and build it into some life lessons that I want to share. Selfishness does not always have a negative connotation.  I spent a lot of time in 2018 not working on myself and leaving myself behind when things were getting overwhelming. We have t...

A NIGHT OF INSECURITY; A DANCE BETWEEN SHAME AND EMPOWERMENT

Writer’s note: This passage was written as I felt the darkest, sharpest pain of my insecurity that withered me into a physically crying ball. All these words are from the stream of my consciousness and the internal battle I had with myself and my higher conscious. I wrote these words as i sat there crying hysterically…wanting to be heard, refusing to call anyone. I left this passage as unedited as possible. I hope you enjoy and see that you are not alone in feeling this way. I love you, girl. Keep going on your path to change the world. I know that I will never stop. With all my love, Maria. The words “memory all alone in the moonlight” play in my head as I try to understand where this low feeling is coming from. I understand it, but I don’t want to admit my true cause of anguish, no...

FINDING HEALING IN UNEXPECTED PLACES

It was a gloomy afternoon and the promise of rain lingered on the horizon. As the wind picked up, plump grey clouds rushed overhead like a herd of wildebeest galloping together in a stampede. My husband and I went down to the ocean anyway, to walk along one of the short trails and then watch the rough waves crashing against the rocks. The sea looked so wild and full of wisdom, I was sure that it was the soul medicine I’d craved. In the weeks building up to our trip to the coast, I knew that I needed to rescue myself, that I needed to get out of the city long enough to remember how to breathe. Yet, I hadn’t realized just how much I’d been holding in until we’d arrived there—the heaviness, the stress and tension in my body, and the deep sadness that seemed to permeate everything. I was exhau...

IT TOOK CHANGING CONTINENTS TO CHANGE MYSELF

I spent this summer doing nothing. Really, I want you to understand, nothing. After quitting my job in June (to the chagrin of many people in my life who viewed it as throwing away a potential career), I would sit on the couch for hours on end, feeling unable to leave the house, communicate with friends and family or interact with any humans except my boyfriend. It was a victory if I managed to drag myself to a coffee shop (usually around 3 p.m., after hours of buildup), and that was usually the extent of my excursions. I watched as bright sunny days rolled by into hot sleepless nights, marking the passage of time by which entire TV series I’d binged that week, doing absolutely nothing to prepare myself for what was to come in mid-September. I asked myself: is this the behavior of someone ...

THE DEEP FEMININE

Our society is not fully ready for the deep feminine. Only very few men are ready for her. But then – not every woman is ready for the deep feminine either.  While at the park the other day and sat under a beautiful tree — I received a powerful healing. A healing for my rage. I was called in by an inner voice, the same voice that invited me a few years ago to claim suppressed and lost parts of myself.  For long we have been living by patriarchal values that deep down are not true to who we are as women — and as men. For centuries we have been accepting values and following rules and laws dictated to us by men in power. To this day, consciously or unconsciously, we are still allowing men to control our womanhood and our sexuality.  DARK SHADOWS  The suppression and control of our femi...

CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE

Changing your perspective can truly change how you parent. Many parents see their children as difficult, delicate, fragile, limited, needy, or incapable. Clients come to me expressing how strong-willed their children are or how stubborn, determined, or persistent they can be. Well, I say, “Those are some great traits to have as adults.” Wouldn’t you agree? So why not guide them in the right direction, where they can still have those traits and you are still in charge. Your children are not aliens that are impossible to understand. They are just smaller human beings looking for the same things we need as adults.   As adults, we need rules, words of affirmation, discipline, and consistency as much as our children do. These are the things that make us feel in control, safe, loved, and success...

WHEN YOU ARE BATTLING DREAMS VS. REALITY

“If you can think of a goal you want, and if you can see it unraveling in your mind as you visualize it, the next step is to bring it to life. Speak it into existence, feed it life so it can progress into reality, think of a dream as a person who you are one step closer to becoming, the more you start believing it is not as far as your mind makes it be” – H.C  As I write this, life is not a massive rock on my shoulder, as it usually seems to be. Mostly because of today, all the things I imagined and worked hard to make reality have happened.  Dreams can feel like they rarely take the form of reality, but when they do, as J Cole says, “it’s a beautiful thing.” And ever since I heard that song, I envisioned them in front of me. I have sung the song “...

COMPETE WITH NOBODY BUT YOURSELF AND WIN

We are in competition with no ONE, but ourselves and every day is a reminder that you are only going to get as far as you are willing to go. What other people think you’re capable of is none of your business.  Here are some things that help me keep this mindset alive:  Keep your focus on what you want, but balance out your time to also work on what you have now.  Do not compare yourself to someone else. Stop dwelling on what others may think of your dreams or plan because that will only push them farther away from you. You are capable of great things. Start to believe it everywhere you go.  What other people estimate about you, has nothing to do with you. Fight for your dreams.  The only real enemy and obstacles are yourself, and your willingness. Get up every day with a purpose. Whe...

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