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Relationships

The Unspoken Voice

You have been fighting all night and he won’t give you anything in return. You keep yelling and he keeps staring blankly at you. All you want him to do is fight back and he has barely let two words out of his mouth. This gets you even more riled up. At this point you cannot even really remember what was so upsetting in the first place but you are not going to let this one go. The worst part is you still have not been able to get your point across and he is ready for bed.

Did he just turn over? Is this fool really going to sleep while I am this upset? Is he snoring? You walk out into the living room ready to rip your shirt in half and start throwing plates at the wall. You are mad. You cannot believe he really went to sleep without resolving your feelings. You pace back and forth steaming from ear to ear and as your mind starts to clear in the silence you fall to your knees and tears begin to race down your face.

What you do not realize is that every little thing you have been brushing under the rug has finally surfaced and you just vomited all over him. Of course he is going to bed, as far as he is concerned you are just having another one of your moments and you will get over it in the morning.

Eventually exhaustion takes hold of you and you make your way back to the bed. The next morning you wake up still mad, he gives you a kiss and tells you he loves you, and you decide to let it go. You tell yourself you said your peace and next time things will be different, knowing deep down this time was no different from the last.

I have been here, boy have I been here before. Not feeling like I was being heard and boom, just one button, and I would explode. I can remember the nights I would get so mad because he said something that released the dam holding back all of my feelings and it was like World War III. In my mind it was, at least. I would yell, and cry, and carry on about all of the things he had done that upset me.

Somewhere in the middle of my outpour of anger I would realize that I didn’t even know exactly what I was so upset over and then that would make me more upset. He would say he was sorry and all I would think is, how could he really be sorry if I am still mad? Once I had vomited enough he would suggest we go to bed and talk about it in the morning. He would fall fast asleep and I wanted to stab every crazy thought in my head. Eventually I would fall asleep drowning in my own self-pity just in time for the alarm to go off.

In the morning all it would take was a kiss and an I love you and we were on to the next day. All of those pent up feelings, brushed right back under the rug.

We are human, we are not robots. It is impossible to turn off what really matters. Sure, you can bury it for a while, but it is always going to find its way back to the surface if it matters to you. We were not made to shut off our emotions. Emotions are healthy, you need to listen to them. If you are feeling a certain way, you feel that way for a reason. Figure out why and speak up for yourself.

I have spent most of my life living to please others. I listened to everyone else’s feelings and I listened to everyone else’s needs. The one person who never got any of my attention, was me.
I realized that the issue was not in the details. It was not about what he did or did not do, or what he said wrong. It was about that I never spoke up initially when something he did or said had upset me so that we could work through it in that moment.

This is the moment I realized that I had a voice and in order to be happy relationship I needed to use it…

Comment
by aliciapain

I decided to start this blog because someone (and that someone was going to have to be me) needed to speak about the truth. Someone needed to tell the truth, no matter how blunt, how painful or how terrifying that would be.

I was sick of reading the magazines, watching the movies and hearing the drama that gave 1008 reasons why “they” were not attracted to you, or why “they” dumped your ass, or “why they didn’t even notice you.

No one had the guts to say … IT was YOU and it was NOT ME!

Well I can tell you now I’m not here to provide a pity party. I’m here to tell it like it is, when it comes to dating and relating.

If you can’t get a guy .. there is something you are doing to repel him like a fat kid to a health food store.

If you can’t get a woman … there is something you are doing to repel her so much she doesn’t want to touch you with a 10 foot pole.

So the question I ask is .. why is that?

Why doesn’t she find you attractive? And what can you do to make her attracted to you?

Why don’t any of them want to commit to you?

Why does this work and the other not?

Why, why, why, why, why.

You want to know why? Because there is a good reason and cause for everything! I mean everything.

It’s my purpose to find out what that cause is .. and report and share it with you guys.

Let me do all the legwork for you.

Don’t worry I have enough enthusiastic curiosity for all of us.

I want for all of us to be able to “get” it. I want us to be able to understand ourselves and eachother in a way we have never been able to see before.

Because that is empowering. That gives you the energy and the juice, to live life to the fullest. If we don’t know how to handle our relationships with ourselves and eachother, then what do we really have anyways? I say nothing. Its the foundation to everything.

So here I am sharing the insights I have developed and gained from my own personal dating experiences, the dating experiences of friends, the people I meet and the expertise of those in this field.

So here is to a journey …. one in which we can take and learn together =)

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