couple holding hands

‘Too good to be true’ Relationships— Why is it not Healthy?

“Is this too good to be true?” a question we always ask ourselves when things are going good.

Given all the history of fairy romance tales and cheesy books— people have created an ungodly expectation of a ‘too good to be true’ relationship. 

They want a perfect partner who perfectly fits their ‘fictional’ perception and their ‘not so real’ romance bubble— with no arguments, fights, or disagreement; only love in the air! 

couple black and white laying down next to each other

Often, this imaginary bubble soon pops when they come close to real-life relationships and the flaws their partner may carry. Individuals who want a ‘too good to be true’ relationship have difficulty accepting this reality and their partner’s flaws. 

They may choose to stay in denial to avoid getting their imagination shredded away. Such individuals will also hide their true flawsome selves to sustain that imaginary romance. 

Such relationships will end harshly sooner or later— because the truth is, people and relationships are deemed to be imperfect, and that’s what makes life ordinary yet extraordinary at the same time. 

Simply falling in love doesn’t guarantee a happy ending; that’s why most romance movies end once the lead character finds their true love— they don’t show what happens after the ‘honeymoon phase’ of a new relationship is over and real agendas surface. 

Relationships need a lot more than simply ‘falling in love.’ They require commitment, adjustments, acceptance, understanding, and growth over time— something that ‘too good to be true’ relationships lack on a big scale. 

In a ‘too good to be true’ relationship, the honeymoon phase never ends, you both never fight, and there are no possible arguments. If your current relationship is raising suspicions within you— it’s possible that you may be in a ‘too good to be true’ relationship with the most ‘PERFECT’ partner. 

Why are ‘too good to be true’ relationships not healthy?

You may consider your partner to be a godsend, but chances are that they might be hiding their true self, flaws, and mistakes from you just so you can accept and love them. No one is flawless; faults and imperfections, in fact, serve as fuel for a relationship and take people to a place of fascinating memories. 

‘Too good to be true’ relationships may appear appealing from a distance, but once you smell and taste them, you will understand that they are empty and without much emotional foundation. 

Similarly, in Thor’s first film, he is the “God of Thunder’ and is shown as a self-conceited Deity— full of himself and overridden with arrogance and ego. In every way, Thor considered himself to be too good to be true; this behavior resulted in multiple shortcomings and rash decisions directing the fact that he was, in fact, full of flaws, too. 

I’m not suggesting that you hunt for a loser, but rather someone who can accept your quirks and imperfections while encouraging you to improve.

Accepting one another’s flaws, shortcomings, conflicts, and differences are the foundation of genuine, strong, and imperfect relationships.

This article will help you,

  • Understand the difference between a ‘too good to be true’ relationship from a healthy relationship, 
  • The red flags indicate that you are in a ‘too good to be true’ relationship, 
  • And green flags that you may not be in a ‘too good to be true’ relationship. 
  • The definition of an imperfectly good partner

So, how do you tell the difference between a healthy relationship and one that is too good to be true?

Many individuals are unaware of the difference between the two meanings. They consider ‘too good to be true relationships’ a fundamental goal in life without knowing the damage it may cause. 

Please understand that too much of anything is never good or healthy. ‘Too good to be true relationships’ often demand ungodly expectations and perfectionism— they may never learn to deal with issues.

lesbian couple enjoying each others company

On the other hand, a healthy relationship will have arguments, (massive) fights, disappointment, etc. It’s more natural and necessary to come close to reality. 

We, as humans, tend to question the right things while being readily tricked by the wrong things and people. Here, we have concluded the significant difference between a healthy and’ too good to be a true’ relationship.

You overlook the differences between you & your partner. 

You may brandish the fact that you never prompt your partner with advice or that your partner never interferes in your life decisions. But, this is wrong. 

Respecting and accepting the differences between you and your partner is one thing, but not giving a damn about your partner’s actions or habits is entirely another.

In a ‘too good to be true’ relationship, people often think that both of them are the same and have the same ideologies. 

On the other hand, a healthy connection is when you idolize each other as two different individuals with distinct personalities/perceptions. These differences may even lead to arguments and disappointment. Still, a healthy relationship will understand and grow together from such indifferences. 

A ‘too good to be true relationship’ will stay in denial and wouldn’t try to look at the harsher truth that their partner may be imperfect in some ways.  

The foundation of your bond is sex and intimacy.

Well, I can agree that intimacy and wild affection in bed for each other are essential aspects of a relationship. But if they are the only thing that you think resolves most of your issues, my friend, you are in a bad relationship. 

A good relationship has pillars of commitment, friendship, communication, trust, respect, and intimacy. You simply don’t resolve issues with meaningless sex— a healthy relationship communicates these issues. 

You or your partner don’t speak your heart out:

Sometimes, we may never let out our emotions and allow them to continue to eat us out just to not hurt our partner’s feelings. This will only pile up multiple relationship issues that will be harder to resolve in the long term. 

couple art, seeing both sides

I have been there too, and while this may be signing you as a caring person, it is only taking you to a dead end. 

You will get exhausted by yourself and become a person you aren’t. Also, this lets your partner do anything without any worry and may encourage them to do things that may hurt you unintentionally. 

Boundaries? We don’t need that, bruh!

Boundaries aren’t the cage in a relationship— instead, they are the wings that help you fly freely in a relationship without suffocation. 

Setting up boundaries helps a relationship grow individually and together simultaneously. It allows individuals to not lose their essence in the relationship— so you empower each other by respecting their privacy and boundaries. 

Fences tell you and your partner the limits of your actions and duties for this bond. 

You guys never get into fights or arguments:

Have you found yourself flaunting it to your friends and relatives that you and your partner barely fight or argue with each other?

It feels so good, right? But not all the time! We are all different and carry various severe issues, trauma, and problems underneath. If you are not allowed to be open with your emotions, you are in the wrong relationship. 

Arguments and disagreement are also crucial in a relationship— they help you understand your partner’s perspective and opinion. Embracing differences and resolving issues is what a healthy relationship is all about.

If you think your relationship seems too unreal and too perfect with no arguments— you might be in a ‘too good to be a true’ relationship.

Red flags that tell you are into a “too good to be a true relationship.”

If you recently ended a bad relationship or if your previous dates were less than ideal, it may sow a seed of suspicion in your future relationships.

You’re seeking someone who is the epitome of perfection to not get hurt again! Please hold on! No one is flawless; perhaps that person deceives it to make you like them. It takes some time to trust your crush at first. Don’t worry; we’ve jotted down some warning indications that can save you from a ‘too good to be true’ relationship life.

Your partner is just “Perfect” and too perfect to be authentic. 

Well, I can’t disagree— we consider our partners perfect, especially when they are the most loving and romantic individuals you have found so far. However, what do you think of ‘perfect’ when you consider your partner to be one? 

A healthy relationship accepts its partner’s flaws and still finds them beautiful— that should be the true definition of an ideal partner— a partner who is imperfectly perfect with many flaws but is forever ready to change and grow.

couple cuddling in a bathroom sink

However, if by perfect, you mean your partner is perfect and qualifies all the needed qualities without any flaw— you are highly mistaken. Humans are flawed, and it’s no secret! It’s natural to be faulty as long as you are both ready to work on them. 

Considering your partner to be just perfect in every aspect is delusional! It could be possible that they might be faking their persona and pretending to be something they are not! 

We, humans, tend to evolve and grow; we all have some flaws within. If you think your partner is just flawless, this may indicate a “too good to be true relationship.”

You don’t allow us to have each other’s phones:

Taking your partner’s phone access doesn’t only mean you want to check their intel and see if they are loyal or not. Sometimes, we share each other’s phones to look at photos, play games, or simply surf through for time to pass. 

I know you both respect each other’s privacy, but using each other’s phones is not always an act of breaking privacy. I share my phone with my partner all the time— he would either want to call someone, turn on the hotspot, play games, take pictures together, etc. 

However, it may seem suspicious if your partner doesn’t lose sight of their phone and is extremely careful to keep it out of your reach. 

Your spider-sense is giving you intuitions:

I have been in many situations where I got myself saved by believing in my instincts. If your guts are continuously telling you that there may be something suspicious with your boo, there probably is. 

If your instinct says they are ‘too good to be true,’ you need to listen to those signs and talk things out with your partner. 

They never say “NO” to anything:

Having a partner who can support you in every way is such a godsend gift. You may even flaunt that your boo never questions you and never stops you from pursuing what you want to, even if it’s a negative path or a wrong choice.  

Such partners may never communicate each other’s opinions and disagreements on specific subjects. Communication, discussion, interesting rounds of QAs (question-answer) and decision-making are intrinsic parts of relationships. If your partner never cross-questions your actions/thoughts— it’s a major red flag that you may be dealing with a ‘too good to be a true’ relationship. 

It is fishy if your partner agrees on everything— maybe they don’t care, or they must be doing it to hide some things.

Your partner keeps doing love-bombing every time:

It always gives us butterflies when our partner compliments us. You may find your partner showering you with love 24*7— so much that it becomes difficult to breathe. 

  • ‘Too much love’ will make it difficult for you to disagree with your partner.
  • We will become conscious of our actions and may overthink communicating with them freely.
  • ‘Too much love’ may increase your partner’s expectations, and they may want the same amount of love in return. Sometimes, you may not be able to return that love which may take you on a heavy guilt trip. 
  • Sometimes, people show ‘too much love’ when they want to hide something significant from you. 
  • They sugarcoat everything for you. So, you can never rely on your partner’s opinion. 
  • Too much flattery is manipulative.

Sometimes, we don’t want compliments; all that we need is the harsh truth and genuine reviews. 

If your partner is way too much into sex:

They may be too good to you if they want something in return. Note your partner’s pattern— does he seem extra sweet and loving when pursuing you for sex/other advantages? 

couple on top of each other on a bed

If your partner is too much into sex, this is a red flag of a too-good-to-be-true relationship. 

You both don’t fight:

If you guys don’t fight or haven’t been into any arguments, you are probably standing on the edge of a too-good-to-be-true relationship. We as humans have different opinions and thought processes, and fights naturally do tag along, given all the differences in perception. 

Even the most potent love couple has occasional fights— that’s how things work! Similarly, partners with the same personality will have arguments, too. Conflicts tell us that the person cares for you— and is not afraid to let their opinion fly when necessary.

The relationship is going too fast:

Love, at first sight, is a concept I detest the most. Indeed, physical attraction is the foremost step in many relationships. However, it doesn’t certify love because you can’t love someone in a snap. You can like someone in nanoseconds, but love— now that takes time and nourishment. 

If your relationship is always on board for the next step, you may want to reconsider taking a stop. Relationships are complex and will need time to grow— every step upward in a relationship will need a strong base. 

Building a foundation takes effort and time; it cannot happen overnight. However, if your partner is relentless in taking the relationship forward without much foundation— you might be in a ‘too good to be a true’ relationship.’

Such relationships often lack intimacy and an emotional bond. Their urge to move faster in a relationship may also indicate their unwillingness toward relationship duties, responsibilities, and commitment. You won’t go far because the fuel of greed and lust doesn’t stay long. 

Green Signs that you are not in a too-good-to-be-true relationship, instead of in a healthy relationship.

Falling into a wrong relationship will automatically provoke you to be defensive and avoid love and relationships altogether. This tendency and past traumas may stop you from approaching even the right connections. 

You deserve better, and I don’t want you to be alone and messed up. That’s why here are some signs that will ensure you that you are with the right one.

You have your “me-time”:

A healthy relationship understands the importance of personal space— the right partner won’t stop you from relishing your individuality. 

You don’t need to hold back:

Communication is the key to a healthy relationship. If you notice that your partner listens to you properly and you both can talk about anything openly— don’t worry, you are not in a too-good-to-be-true relationship. 

Arguments happen but listening to each other’s point of view is what makes a relationship ideal.

Your partner supports your goals:

A wrong guy/girl will only focus on the upliftment of his/her development and will disregard you completely. But a right partner gives equal importance to their partner’s goals. 

couple being held by each other

You let the things go:

Wait, this doesn’t mean that you or your partner take things for granted. Your partner understands bad times and lets go of the past. Such relationships understand, forgive, and move on. 

  • They don’t hold grudges.
  • They forgive what you may have said in the fury of anger after understanding the situation. 
  • They let go of previous fights and genuinely command a brighter side.  
  • They are mature about certain aspects of relationships. 

You don’t avoid fights:

Yes! Fighting in a relationship is just as equally important as love. If arguments are done fairly, it helps to uphold the bond. Apologize! When you are wrong— correct them if they are wrong. 

You both accept the fact that you are imperfect:

Imperfection makes us natural and normal. When you both realize that it’s okay to be imperfect, you grow together. Imperfection and its acceptance allow space for growth and a better bond. 

couple holding hands

You both treat each other equally and with respect:

There’s no superior or inferior in the relationship— you both are equal to each other and respect that individuality. 

More signs of a healthy relationship

Here are a few more of the many qualities of a healthy relationship: 

  • You feel safe around them.
  • You share terrific intimacy and sex.
  • You both show compassion for each other.
  • You are proud of your partner.
  • There’s no judgment in the relationship
  • You both accept each other’s flaws.
by Genesis Gutierrez

Genesis is the founder of Harness Magazine, a digital media company that celebrates and elevates the voices of women around the world. A first-generation college graduate, Genesis holds a degree in from UCLA with hopes of going back for a Masters in Social Work.

Through her work as an editor-in-chief of Harness, Genesis has dedicated herself to amplifying the stories of women specifically marginalized communities. She is committed to creating space for those who are often left out of mainstream conversations, and believes that storytelling is one of the most powerful tools we have for building community and sparking social change.

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