Unrealistic Qualities for an ‘Ideal’ Partner

He says:

“I need a strong, independent, ambitious, confident, emancipated woman, so I can look up to her.”

He means:

“I need this so I won’t have to take care of anything, myself. I can just relax, do my own thing and be a little boy. Also, she would ideally feed, pleasure and entertain me in between her long to-do lists of goals and tasks. It’s soothing and convenient because my mom played a man’s role in our family. So, if I meet a woman like her, I’ll feel like I’m home again.”

Man, you need to grow up!

Interesting fact (my personal observation, love it or hate it):

Men who focus on finding this “outer strength”—”proof” of an ideal woman—tend to demonstrate immature, unambitious and unconfident behavior. They’re completely confused about their role, and what type of relationships they want.

Him (subconsciously):

“Yeah, but you can vote now, you can earn money, drive cars and fly planes. C’mon, woman, you reclaimed your power, and now we’re equal. So, let me treat you like you’re a man. Because, duh, we’re the same, right?

I won’t walk you home. I’ll restrain myself from showing “cheesy” emotions. I won’t perform romantic gestures because people think “it’s lame.” I won’t be motivated to succeed for those I want to take care of, such as a woman and a potential family. Let me run away from commitments and responsibilities. Let me stay a little “casual” boy until age 45—because I believe a woman owes me and should tick all these incredible lists of “restaurant orders” I have for her. Let me not pay on dates, or show other signs of courtesy. Let me swipe right or left all day, nurturing the illusion that there are millions of women who would fight to be with me. Let me wait while you figure out how we can retire at an early age. And please, oh please, let me just relax and chill because I’m so tired and stressed—you know, well, mainly because it’s so hard to find that Wonder Mom/Woman who would be unconditionally accepting—taking care of me and letting me forever be frozen in my “childhood.”

This works both ways, actually.

Women are also guilty in creating these long lists of a perfect Wonder Dad—oops, sorry—Wonder Man!

What if, instead of demanding, we came from a place of what we could offer to a person?

What if, instead of chasing an ideal “restaurant order” list of qualities, we became realistic, sat down and chose three or four main qualities in a future partner—someone we’d be willing to spend the rest of our lives with? What if, instead of stealing chances, we gave more chances to people?

What if we tried to stay open, learn patience and the basics of respectful, efficient coexistence with another confused human being?

Here’s the reality of the 21st century: relationships aren’t easy. Meeting someone and being with someone isn’t easy, either. Having a connection we’re all longing for is hard to find, too! But, f*ck, let’s not overcomplicate things even more with unrealistic “restaurant order” demands towards our future partner.

Instead of:

“No drama, please.”

“Please, don’t be a princess.”

“Text me only if you have a hobby, a life, a fantastic sense of humor and the body of a Victoria Secret model”.

“You are kinky. Honest. Loyal. Independent. Not demanding. You cook well. You don’t talk a lot and you don’t f*ck with my mind.”

“You have a brain, career, savings, a house and a car, blond hair and a cup size D. Swipe right, babe.”

I would love to see more things like:

“What I truly look for is a woman/man who would be ok with my sh*t and wounds and childhood traumas, who would try to love me the way I am and would share more or less the same ideas about how to maintain long-lasting and healthy relationships.”

Is that so much to ask?

Like this post? View similar content here: Conflicts In Relationships
by Svetlana Fedorova

Svetlana is a writer and a Sensuality Coach who created a unique program “Sensual Intelligence” helping women get connected with their body and desire, awaken their hidden volcano of sensuality, creativity, and sexuality. For the last 10 years, she has been traveling around the world collecting wisdom and inspiration from each culture she has the chance to touch, learning new and ancient skills to cultivate the sensual and erotic nature in herself and others.


More From Relationships

Growing Pains

by Maya Ashley

What to do when your wedding is during a pandemic

by Brooke Blanton Leith

Patience in healing

by Fiorella Medina

Dating while sick

by Carla Naylor

Millennial Love

by Sade’ Norwood

Lost & Found Love

by Jayda Rayphand