On the night of September 23, 2022, I was sexually abused. It has been almost seven months since that horrific incident, yet I continue to carry the deep scars and lasting trauma.
After the abuse, I struggled with overwhelming post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). I would see my abuser’s presence everywhere, hearing his voice and even smelling his scent, even though he wasn’t physically there. This experience filled me with paranoia, making me believe that I was constantly being followed and that others wished to harm me. I felt vulnerable, constantly fearing that he or someone close to him might continue where he left off, violating me further.
Being sexually abused didn’t just affect my mental health, it also made me question who I am. It shattered my fundamental beliefs, values, and my connection with myself and my purpose. I lost faith in myself, others, and the world at large. Hope and finding meaning in life became difficult, and the process of healing and recovery became a challenging journey.
It deeply impacted my relationship with religion as well. I struggled to comprehend how such a traumatic experience could happen and why it was allowed to occur. I lost trust in my own strength, resilience, and capability. It left a profound scar on my identity, causing me to question many things I once took for granted.
I found the courage to tell others about what happened to me, and luckily, they believed me. This was an important step forward. However, not all survivors have the same experience. Despite reporting the abuse, the actions taken were almost nonexistent. This painful reality raises a difficult question: Was it worth enduring the suffering and reliving the trauma during the process, knowing that he continues to live a happy life while I struggle with the aftermath?
Sexual abuse makes it hard to understand love and intimacy. Survivors often have mixed feelings when it comes to forming emotional connections. We want to connect with others, but we’re scared of getting hurt again. Trusting and having healthy relationships becomes a challenge.
The experience of being sexually abused has had a devastating impact on my life. It has shaken me to the core and made me question everything. The emotional and spiritual scars are deep, and remind us of the urgent need for support, understanding, and justice for survivors.