Poetry

I Apologize For My Loving Heart

Today I stand before you to apologize for my loving heart

although I know I shouldn’t.

Although I know that it is just part of who I am:

All messy, no makeup, clumsy and tripping over my own feet, with my head in the clouds.

All jealous, irrational, stubborn as hell.

All gentle and soft,

all lovely, loving and loved.

I apologize to you for my heart

because it is something you never wanted

and I still gave it to you to hold.

I apologize for making you live in my heart.

You wanted to leave, remember? You wanted to break free in the first months

and unknowingly I pulled you in again.

Maybe you should have left,

you should have left,

you should have left.

I apologize to you for my heart

because maybe you would be better off now if you had never met it, held it, loved it.

If you had never grown this close to it.

I apologize to you because you never asked for any of this.

You never asked for the loving, the missing, the tears, the kisses, the distress, the anxiety.

All you ever wanted was to get through this hard time and to build a life for yourself.

Not with me.

Not with anyone.

I am sorry for the times I made you sad, the times I grabbed you, held you, couldn’t let you go, the times I texted you, called you, talked, shouted, screamed.

The times I pushed you closer to the edge.

I apologize to you for my loving heart and that I found solace in yours.

I apologize to you for my impatient heart.

I apologize for always wanting.

More.

Love. Time.

Everything.

I apologize to you for my loving heart

and how frantically I tried to rip it out of me to patch up the holes in yours

when all you needed was time to heal

on your own.

Time to be you, to be your own person. Time to live your own life

without being held back by something

as stupid as commitment.

I am sorry that I kept crawling towards you;

always reaching to be loved by you

although you never even believed in that kind of power.

I know we had good times together but if it came down to it, none of those moments would show up in a slideshow about the best parts of your life and

I am not okay with that.

But I might be eventually.

You were right when you said my heart will never find someone like you again.

Oh, to think I am so young and I will never have the privilege to love like this again.

Oh, to think that this is

the strongest I will ever feel,

the weakest I will ever feel.

That this is the most I will ever feel.

You don’t know how confining that is.

I apologize for my heart and that it was always loving, loving, loving;

sometimes angrily.

That I poured all this love out of me for you

and there was still enough left to power entire countries.

I am sorry for the mess I made, the mess I am,

sorry that my heart is tender, my heart is too loving.

I hope

you will forever think of me in a soft way and know I always wanted the best for you

and I still do.

Love,

Always.

 

 

Author: Theresa Vogrin
Email: vogrintheresa@gmail.com
Author Bio: Theresa Vogrin is a young writer, living in the United Kingdom and Austria.
She writes poetry, opinion pieces, short stories, essays, features in English and German; about love, life, relationships, distance, etc. Being a passionate person herself, she is very good at capturing emotions with her unique way with words.
Theresa published her debut poetry book “Bitter-Sweet” in July 2018.
Link to your social media or website: https://www.theresavogrin.com/ | Instagram @theresa_vogrin | Facebook 

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by Theresa Vogrin

Theresa Vogrin is a 23-year-old Austrian writer, living in Guildford (United Kingdom) and Graz (Austria).
Growing up, books were her best friends and so it came naturally to her to write her own stories. At the age of thirteen her love for writing was born and soon after that, she discovered the beauty of the English language.
In her work, Theresa discusses a wide range of themes such as love, life, relationships and distance.
Being a passionate person herself, she is very good at capturing emotions with her unique way with words. Through her poetry she tries to figure out how people work, why they do what they do and how she can make them feel something - anything - with just her words.
Theresa published her first poetry book "Bitter-Sweet" in July 2018.


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