Love, Life and This or That
Ten years ago I decided to take a leap of faith and move to Columbus, Ohio. I met my then-boyfriend on a little site called MySpace. He invited me out for a visit and I fell in love with the city. I was living in San Diego at the time.
But, before I get into that, I want to say how excited I am to have the opportunity to share my story with you: “Love, Life and This or That”.
What I hope to accomplish with this article is to reach you in a way that can be considered inspirational—even encourage you on your journey through life. What happens to us in life is often more unexpected than what we plan or think we know. But, learning how to live and deal with the bumps along the way is key! It took me 20 years worth of ups and downs to have experienced my wake up call.
I’m a single woman and not in my 20s, and like my grandmother Teresa would say, “it’s rude to ask a lady her age”. Agreed! But seriously, I never think about age—it’s a number. I feel youthful and I’ve been told that I don’t look my age so it must be working.
Moving here 10 years ago I never would have thought that the new relationship I found would end.
We were together for nine years and in that time I learned a lot about sacrificing. We loved each other deeply and we made each other happy. But there was something missing. By the time our first year together was almost over, all I wanted to do was get married. And for the next eight years that seemed to be the downfall of our relationship—me bringing it up all of the time. This guy was pretty special and unique and the biggest rebel I’ve ever met. He is wonderfully artistic and he has an accomplished business that I’m very proud of him for. With that being said, I myself sacrificed a great deal of my life to be with him. I thought that if I stuck it out long enough we would eventually get married. And that led to me realizing that I was convincing myself that everything was okay, but in fact, I didn’t want to leave the relationship because I didn’t want to be alone. What eventually happened was that I became angry; I was angry that I wasn’t getting what I thought I deserved. Yes I said “deserved” because I thought that since I put so much time into this relationship, he would see that we should be married. I deserved that because I was good to him.
Eventually I told him that I wanted to live separately and see how things worked out. We lived apart for almost a year and we both knew that it was over. And one day we met for lunch and I told him that it was over between us. We agreed to stay friends and to this day he is one of my very best friends. When I need him he’s there and I will always be grateful for that.
Shortly after the break up I met someone new. And honestly from the beginning I knew he would break my heart.
When two people come together that are battling old wounds, it just simply cannot work. We both came out of long-term relationships. Our relationships that we previously had were very difficult and were a struggle. Mine left me wanting more out of life and wanting to find that person that I would spend the rest of my life with. I wanted it immediately.
This new relationship was unlike anything I have ever experienced before. It was a glorious, beautiful, and sexy ride. He was and is that 1950s Dapper Madman!
We had this thing for Old Fashion; everywhere we went we had to have one. I still do. With this excitement came the doubt and insecurity within me. I wanted it all with him and I was certain he was the one. We were together for, and I use that term loosely, six months.
We even broke up one time during those six months. And when we got back together it was magical and passionate. I’ve never in my life allowed myself to be completely consumed by someone. Looking back now, I couldn’t believe how I was acting and how it affected my health. I learned a lot!
And I’m relieved it ended, simply because I needed that wake-up call to snap me out of the spell I was under. I will say that when people who are close to you are telling you that you’re not acting like yourself, you’re becoming the person you’re with, and you don’t look so good—listen to them!
What happened with that relationship was that I wanted something so badly that I convinced myself that he was the person I was looking for. I ignored many warning signs that told me he wasn’t the one. But I think in life sometimes you get tired; you get tired of the struggle and when you find someone that makes you feel good you think, well this has to be the right person, doesn’t it? And I think that you can’t confuse certain things. For instance, just because you have 100 things in common with each other or the sex is amazing or this person has the best qualities you’ve ever seen, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they are compatible with you long-term.
We ended things abruptly and honestly I haven’t looked back. I realized the things he was telling me were not true. Someone can say they love you, someone can say they care about you, but in reality actions speak louder than words. I felt like I was betrayed.
From that day on I’ve been moving forward full speed.
I decided to dive into life! This was it, I was going to not just be great at my day job but I was going to make my cupcake business my main goal and stay busy. I was looking for the excitement to come. I have energy now and I’m putting it all into creating and doing what I love.
I’ve made a promise to myself to not get lost again. And like the saying goes, only you can make yourself happy. I hadn’t believed that for a very long time but I am figuring out that it is making me healthy and it does work.
I used to think that excitement only came from being with someone in a relationship, but that’s not true. There are things every day in life that are fulfilling, exhilarating, amazing and lovely if you just look for it. Life is not going to happen for you, you have to take that step to make it happen. I have met some amazing people that have inspired me in my life. And I can say that the past two relationships in their own right have inspired me. I have taken the positive words from both of them and have applied it to my life. You do have to see the good in people and even though things didn’t work out with them I take the good things with me each day.
My adventure now is living healthy: promoting my business, KeeKeeCupcakes, taking burlesque classes and eventually performing live, spending time with my good friends, going out to have dinner and drinks, and simply breathing once again.
Author: Richelle Buchanan
Instagram: Wickedru and KeeKeeCupcakes