We all do things for those we love and care about in the name of love. We give and give until we end up losing ourselves to our relationships. Sometimes, we give so much and yet it seems like it will never be enough for our partner. I was feeling that way until a few months ago when I finally left my ex-boyfriend of eight years. I had spent the time we’ve been together giving all I could to a man that made it feel like nothing I do was ever good enough for him.
I truly loved him all the years we were together, but I began to look back on all the things I’ve been through with him. How I was always the responsible one, how I paid for everything and anything he wanted, and having to always spend my time with him and support him. I felt like a different person when I was with him, and not in a good way. I felt so stuck in a routine of keeping him happy and proving to him how much I cared about him, I was losing myself.
I was so scared of making mistakes and having to explain why I was still with him and what he contributed to our relationship. How my one true fear was doing something that wouldn’t make him happy or make him feel that I was going to leave him for another man. It felt like I couldn’t have friends of my own or that I had to choose between spending time with him and my own family. He had such a grip on me emotionally and mentally, it felt like I was being smothered and couldn’t escape.
I realized just how much of a hold he had on me and how I was being treated like I was just his personal piggy bank and that I was just settling on a man that made me feel lesser than him. I never truly focused on my own happiness and spend my life doing what I want to do, only focusing all my attention on a guy that acted like an ungrateful teenager. I managed to find the courage to leave that life behind and tell my parents the truth about my relationship, regaining my support system and being with the people that truly care about me.