This year, I turned 45.
It’s trippy to write that.
Entering this stage of life is a mixture of odd, peculiar, and just plain weird.
I never thought being in my mid-40s would be so fascinating, but it is.
There’s an inner freedom that comes with midlife that I’ve never felt previously. The simple act of living this long gives you a perspective that isn’t there in our youth. There’s a new depth in this part of the journey and I am loving it.
Below, I share 6 gifts I’ve noticed as a now middle-ager (say what?!). But honestly, I don’t feel like one because I think all of us see ourselves as young inside. At least, I do.
Gift #1: I’ve never felt sexier.
Here’s what I love about this stage of life: I have never felt more at peace with my body.
I feel a deep comfort in my own skin that took years to cultivate and grow. Now, I’m enjoying the fruits of my labor.
I no longer shrink when I enter a room or apologize for taking up space. I’ve earned the right to be here and contribute.
I don’t hide my energy — I share it.
The sexiest essence is one that says, “I don’t need your permission,” while strutting off in killer shoes.
Gift #2: I know my limits and honor them.
I refuse to be physically uncomfortable anymore.
In the past, I put up with many uncomfortable physical situations just to be liked and/or included.
I can’t tell you the number of hikes I went on or the amount of parties I attended that were not in alignment for me. My body always felt the aftermath.
It’s incredibly freeing now to set boundaries and limits without apology. I refuse to hurt myself to please someone else.
Gift #3: I understand the power of my self-image (or self-concept).
I teach manifestation and spiritual health and I know the power of what we consume and pay attention to — either physically or mentally.
I realize now that the only way for me to help anyone is to take care of myself and be in alignment with my own path. Creating a powerful state of being and emitting it is what changes the reality.
I’ve learned to be protective over what I consume online and in my relationships. When I find myself over-attaching or people-pleasing, I disengage and take a break.
Focusing on what brings me joy is the only way to bring joy to others. I’ve realized this is not selfish — it’s understanding the power of our minds, bodies, and personal energy fields.
When I focus on doing good work, adding value to my life, and listening to my wisdom, my life works a lot better and so do my relationships.
The more I see myself as deserving of good stuff, the more I experience it.
I realize now that having a healthy self-image is what creates my perception of life.
Gift #4: I understand my habits and patterns with a new perspective.
I now understand where my anxiety comes from.
I now understand why my nervous system has been in a freeze for years.
I now understand why I made certain choices even if I didn’t realize their impact at the time.
I now understand why I used to people-please, hide my energy, and apologize for myself.
It was all learned. That’s it.
I now understand that my habits were merely a form of protection, even though many of them felt like my authentic self.
Gift #5: I deeply value alone time.
Our culture is obsessed with outside relationships.
Here’s the message being pushed in the mainstream: happiness comes from connection and if you’re not in love and/or a parent/caretaker, you are missing out.
What a load of crap!
Here’s something that’s not spoken about enough: the value of being by ourselves and listening to our internal rhythms.
Have you ever noticed how much the media pushes being an extrovert? How much it values noise, confusion, and endless mindless chatter? There’s good reason for that. If you’re constantly distracted by activity, you can’t question anything. In fact, you won’t even know to question anything because you’re not paying attention. It’s brilliant and most people fall for it every time.
I value being alone. I value the quiet. I value peace. I value silence. I value shutting the hell up and going within. I value my intuition, my mind, and my awareness.
I value being self-actualized.
Gift #6: I know what self-loyalty is.
I remember believing that if I was perfect, people would love me.
The problem was, I hated myself.
I was in an endless cycle of figuring out who I needed to be with everyone so I felt accepted and “safe.”
When I look back on these experiences, I see how inauthentic I was with lots of people because I thought being loyal to them was love.
Now, I am loyal to me. I listen to me. I trust my instincts and my gut. I am clear with my needs and wants. I give myself the space to be, think, and feel what is resonant and true for the moment and the situation.
I used to see myself as the helper, the responsible one, and the loyal friend.
Now, I see myself as a powerful woman who knows her mind and heart without apology.
And those are a few of the gifts of the beautiful 40s.